Horoscopes

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Born today, you share a birthday with Lindsay Lohan, 20. Like Ms. Blohan you treasure your privacy, so don’t be coy about telling people where you’re going to celebrate your special … Read on

LONDON – (Editor’s Note) After waiting nearly four decades, Paul McCartney has learned to his dismay that the answers to the questions he posed when the Beatles released “When I’m Sixty-Four” are all no. Not … Read on

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Lucky you, sharing a birthday with the Olsen twins. What could be better? If you want your life to be more like the Olsens’—and who wouldn’t—you have two choices. You could … Read on

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Horoscopes by Pugnacious, the half-man, half-beast, half-witted seer possessed with the singular ability to predict the future, often before it occurs. Unlike other astrologists, who describe the world as they see … Read on

SWAKOPMUND, Namibia – Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt have sold the rights to their baby’s first horoscope to Postcards from the Pug Bus, southeastern Pennsylvania’s leading satire site. According to NBC (Namibian Broadcasting Company), the … Read on

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Born today you share a birthday with actress Jennifer Aniston, singer Sheryl Crow, and actor Burt Reynolds. Would Pugnacious be flogging a dead horse if he said you are, therefore, pathologically … Read on

WEST CHESTER, PENNA. – For the most part Tom Cruise sat still and faced the hard questions from Diane Sawyer on ABC News’ Primetime last night. There was no fist pumping or couch jumping as … Read on

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Born today you share a birthday with Mariah Carey, 36, but don’t tell Ms. Carey; she’s not good at sharing. In fact if you ever meet her—which isn’t likely as the … Read on

Paris Hilton celebrates her 25th birthday today. Her party was spoiled by an incident in London that eerily predicted the following horoscope from Pugnacious.

“You can’t expect to get by on your money and your … Read on

You are driven by a desire to climb to the top of the mountain—the mountain of success, a mountain of coke, any mountain will do. Ruled by the House of Halston, you are ambitious, determined, … Read on

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Born today you are the sort who doesn’t get your nose out of joint easily. You are cheerfully willing to accept whatever life sends your way, whether it’s an also-ran finish … Read on

Born today you share a birthday, though probably not a limo, with Hollywood veteran Leonardo DiCaprio, 31. Like all male Scorpios, Leo is influenced by the planet Questnovokia, where magnetic attraction does not exist. This … Read on

NEW YORK – Hey, y’all. This here’s Diddy with the microphone. You might remember me as P. Diddy or Puff Daddy or Puff the Magic Diddy. My birthday is this week, I think. Some people … Read on