Police Searching for Stolen Breast Implants
PENNSAUKEN, N.J. – Police are searching for a pair of 38-D breast implants obtained under false pretenses earlier this month. The breasts were lifted from… Read More
News
Current events filtered through our jaundiced worldview. By the time you read this, everything is already worse. We report what happened, add contempt, and call it a service. The truth hurts; we just twist the knife.
NuvaRing Launches New Marketing Campaign
WHITEHOUSE STATION, N.J.- NuvaRing, the world’s largest round contraceptive device, has seen its image go pear shaped owing to a dungstorm of lawsuits filed on… Read More
Al Qaeda Rebuilds Through Draft, Trades, Free Agency
WASHINGTON, D.C. – According to U.S. intelligence scouting reports, Al Qaeda has rebuilt its operating team through a clever mixture of good draft choices, trades,… Read More
Walmart Stock in the Crosshairs
MORGANTOWN, Penna.—Concerns about the value of Wal-Mart stock going forward from the El Paso shootings have decimated company morale, threatened the social fabric of many… Read More
Three Second Rule Extended During Recession
WASHINGTON, D.C. – The federal three-second guideline, which warns anyone against picking up food and eating it more than three seconds after it has been… Read More
Pope Benedict Will Visit West Chester, Pennsylvania
Special to the Pug Bus from T.J. Eckleburg WEST CHESTER, Penna. — Pope Benedict XVI will visit West Chester, Pennsylvania, Wednesday evening, a member of… Read More
Porsche Denies Plans to Release Nikki Catsouras Model
ATLANTA – A spokesman for Porsche Cars North America denies that his company has “any plans whatsoever” to introduce a limited edition Nikki Catsouras 911… Read More
Wolf Blitzer Found Beaten After Presidential Debate
CNN veteran newsman Wolf Blitzer was found bloody, naked, and unconscious in his dressing room last night following the Democratic presidential candidates’ debate at the… Read More