Postcards from The Pug Bus

Postcards from The Pug Bus

Lifting a satirical leg on popular culture

Culture

Turkish Hair Transplants Are the Mane Event

4 months philmaggitti
Satirical image of a crowd of men in a Turkish airport. All are sporting head bandages, and two of them are holding a sign about Turkish Hair Transplants.
One million men, one dream, and enough gauze to wrap The Fairy Chimneys of Cappadocia.

More than one million balding men per year make a pilgrimage to Turkey. Their destination–one of the five thousand clinics that specialize in Turkish hair transplants. The Sublime Porte has reinvented itself as the global headquarters of the comb-over alternative.

These pilgrims arrive wearing hats, beards, and the hopeful expressions of people who believe that a local anesthetic, a secret blend of herbs and spices, and a few thousand needle pricks can reverse the cruel, aerodynamic destiny of their craniums. Proof, if more were needed, that man will go to great  lengths to avoid looking like a thumb.

Turkish hair transplants are so ubiquitous in Istanbul that a white headband and a look of quiet, bloody triumph are the unofficial tourist uniform.

Ask one of these tourists why hair is worth the travel and the expense–between $1,500 and $4,000–and you are most likely to hear about boosting self-confidence or looking more youthful. Right. Or as one grinning fellow replied, “I hear these transplants are better than Viagra.”

For more red-hot dispatches from a culture in decline, click here and run for cover.

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The preceding is satire. Straight up, Skippy. No warranties are expressed or implied. For life advice, try a professional. For investment tips, try a dart board. For salvation, the gentleman in the robe has been handling that portfolio for 2,000 years.