May 2005 – postcards from the pug bus

Michael Jackson Defense Rests at Neverland

philmaggitti 484 Views 3 min read

SANTA YNEZ, Calif. – Michael Jackson’s defense team is spending a quiet weekend resting at the pop diva’s Neverland Ranch. Members of Team Jackson, their families, and their children repaired to Neverland late Friday afternoon to enjoy a weekend filled with Memorial Day activities. “We’ll be doing a lot of grilling, playing volley ball, pitching Read More

Celebrities

Johnny Depp to Read at Hunter S. Thompson Memorial

philmaggitti 431 Views 3 min read

ASPEN, Colo. – Johnny Depp will read selected passages from Hunter S. Thompson’s 352-page suicide note at an invitation-only memorial service for the late author. In addition, Depp will fund the erection of a 150-foot tower from which Thompson’s ashes will be scattered at the August 20 celebration to be held on Thompson’s Woody Creek Read More

Politics

US Prepared for Flu Pandemic Says Bush

philmaggitti 431 Views 3 min read

WASHINGTON – President George W. Bush said yesterday he is confident the United States can avoid a bird flu Pandemic that could kill tens of thousands of Americans. Bush said he plans to ask Congress to use the Patriot Act to order all Asiatic restaurants to stop serving General Tso’s chicken, Kung Pao Chicken, Sweet Read More

News

Runaway Bride Wilbanks Indicted for Overdue Books

philmaggitti 448 Views 4 min read

ATLANTA – Runaway bride Jennifer Wilbanks has been indicted by a grand jury on a number of counts related to her failure to return thirty-seven library books she borrowed from the Gwinnett County Public Library in Norcross, Georgia, last year. The indictment charges Wilbanks with thirty-seven misdemeanor counts of failure to apply for extensions on Read More

News

Paris Hilton and Pug Bus Sites Crash

Chip Hilton 515 Views 2 min read

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Two dangerously popular websites have crashed during the last four days after being innundated with visitors, apparently giving the lie to the notion that it’s impossible to be too rich or too thin. The first victim of its own richness, www.spicyparis.com, featured Paris Hilton, clad in a stringy black swimsuit, waving Read More

Blog

At Preakness Time, a Pimlico Tale

philmaggitti 478 Views 10 min read

BALTIMORE – The best stories in sports are about horse racing or boxing. That’s because the best characters in sports are in the gym or on the racetrack. Guys with names like Slewfoot or Hard Times, Sweatpea or Destroyer. Their lives are the stuff of legend. Their legends have lives of their own. When a Read More

Politics

Senate Reaches Compromise on Sexual Filibuster

philmaggitti 517 Views 3 min read

WASHINGTON – Last night fourteen members of the Senate agreed to an historic compromise on sexual filibustering that may have saved what one senator called “this august body” from ridicule and irreparable harm. The bipartisan agreement clears the way for an immediate, straight up-or-down vote on three of President Bush’s five stalled judicial nominations. At Read More

Music

DJ Fired for Playing New Dixie Chicks CD at Home

philmaggitti 430 Views 2 min read

OPP, Ala. – A disc jockey at WPWT was fired after he had been caught listening to an advance copy of the Dixie Chicks’ new album, Taking the Long Way. Billy Edd Boguss, week day morning drive time jock at WPWT, was listening to the CD and working on a six pack of Budweiser when WPWT Read More

Culture

Mary Kay Letourneau Wedding Skipped by Queen

philmaggitti 465 Views 5 min read

WOODINVILLE, Wash. – Queen Elizabeth issued a brief press release yesterday explaining that she did not attend the wedding of Mary Kay Letourneau and Vili Fualaau because she feared her presence would turn the ceremony into a media curiosity. Many royal watchers interpreted the queen’s absence as a snub to the couple because the queen Read More

Celebrities

Brad Pitt Writing Divorce Guide

Chip Hilton 440 Views 2 min read

NEW YORK – Brad Pitt, who suggests that the best way for men on the verge of divorce to maintain their privacy is by moving to a different hotel every few days, was in New York briefly over the weekend to announce that he is writing a self-help book for men. Tentatively entitled “Break It Read More

Religion

Koran Story Creates Status Symbol in Hollywood

philmaggitti 476 Views 2 min read

LOS ANGELES – The international furor created by Newsweek‘s bogus story about the desecration of the Koran by US interpreters in Guantanamo Bay has made the Muslims’ sacred text an overnight status symbol in Hollywood. Celebrities who carried Chihuahuas into chic restaurants yesterday now show up with slightly worn copies of the Koran wrapped in protective Read More

Culture

Condoleezza Rice Entertains Troops In Iraq

Biff Scuzzy 431 Views 2 min read

BAGHDAD – Condoleezza Rice paid a surprise visit to Iraq today to entertain American troops there, unveiling a seldom-seen dimension of her personality—a kick-ass talent for singing and dancing. Rice took the stage in an impromptu “arena” set up in the heavily guarded “green zone” of Baghdad and proceeded to rock the house for the Read More

Celebrities

Mena Suvari Seeks Separation from Mira Sorvino

philmaggitti 452 Views 3 min read

NEW YORK – “American Beauty” star Mena Suvari has filed for a legal separation from “Mighty Aphrodite” star and Oscar-winning actress Mira Sorvino, hoping to end what Suvari describes as “six years of confusion, uncertainty, and identity crisis” brought on by the annoying similarity between their names. In what promises to be a long and Read More

Culture

American Idol Judge Paula Abdul Has Rare Condition

philmaggitti 458 Views 3 min read

LOS ANGELES – For the last twenty-five years American Idol judge and former entertainer Paula Abdul has valiantly struggled against a rare, difficult-to-diagnose condition that has caused her extreme mental, physical, and emotional turmoil. Abdul told a US Weekly reporter that she has chosen “this moment in time” to talk about the condition not because she wants Read More

Culture

Pug Bus Site Down but Not Because of Hack

philmaggitti 450 Views 3 min read

(From the AP wire) WEST CHESTER, PA—Widely popular Internet satire site Postcards from the Pug Bus was stuck in an off-line ditch for five-and-a-half hours on Tuesday May 10. Although bloggers and The New York Times website initially reported that Pug Bus was offline because it had been hacked—either by outraged Rolling Stones fans or the Christian Read More

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