Month: June 2006

News

Google Checkout Is Based on Its Own Currency

MOUNTAIN VIEW, Calif. – While e-commerce analysts describe what is expected to be a war for the minds and wallets of Internet shoppers between Google Checkout and PayPal, the most important feature of Google Checkout has gone virtually unremarked. Checkout is based on a new currency issued by Google: the Googlerand. “The days of geophysical Read More

Celebrities

Britney Spears Explains Why She Posed Naked

MALIBU – Britney Spears issued a brief press release yesterday explaining her decision to appear naked in the August issue of Harper’s Bazaar. According to Ms. Spears, her choice was “the next logical step” in her campaign “to keep it real for my fans.” The first step in that campaign, Ms. Spears’ decision to do Read More

Celebrities

Nicole Kidman, Keith Urban Honeymoon Off to Solid Start

SYDNEY – Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban began their honeymoon yesterday, accompanied by several accountants, lawyers, financial advisors, and a “mutually acceptable” arbitrator. Some rumors had the honeymoon party bound for Fiji, while other sources said the group was headed for Bora Bora instead, but by all accounts the newlyweds were eager to start their Read More

Culture

JonBenet Ramsey Death a Suicide, Said Late Mother

MARIETTA, Ga. – The death of former beauty queen JonBenet Ramsey has been called a suicide by her mother, Patsy, who died of ovarian cancer Saturday at the age of forty-nine. The stunning revelation came in a certified letter, which was accompanied by JonBenet’s alleged suicide note. Patsy Ramsey had mailed the letter to her Read More

Religion

Gay Bishops Won’t Support Openly Episcopalian Clergy

COLUMBUS, Ohio – The leadership of the American Association of Gay and Lesbian Bishops (AAGLB) resorted to eleventh-hour lobbying in an attempt to save its membership in the International Synod of Gay Clergy (ISGC). During a marathon session last night, AAGLB whips persuaded the rank and file of both the top and bottom houses of Read More

Celebrities

Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt Leave Namibia in Chaos

SWAKOPMUND, Namibia – Standing proudly in front of a large banner that read “Mission Accomplished,” Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt waved to a cheering crowd of body-guards, personal servants, and security experts prior to departing Namibia. Ms. Jolie and Mr. Pitt, dressed in military fatigues, were accompanied by their children—Maddox, Zahara, and Shiloh Nouvel—who were Read More

News

U.S. Military Leaks al-Zarqawi Sex Tape, Sunnis Riot

RAMADI , Iraq – Thousands of Sunnis rioted after a U.S. military official had leaked a copy of a twenty-five-minute sex tape found in the rubble of the “safe house” where Abu Musab al-Zarqawi was killed on Wednesday. The tape, which somehow survived the bomb blast that killed Mr. al-Zarqawi and seven of his associates, Read More

Celebrities

Tom Cruise Slams Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt

HOLLYWOOD – Tom Cruise has charged Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt with exploiting their newborn daughter, Shiloh Nouvel, “to wage a multimillion-dollar publicity campaign to bolster their careers.” Mr. Cruise made these charges in an op-ed piece entitled “What Price Publicity?” in today’s New York Times. “Brangelina’s constant, manic travel and their grandstanding for ‘goodwill causes’ Read More

Sporting Life

Michelle Wie Contemplates Retiring from Golf

SUMMIT, N.J. – Michelle Wie has nothing left to prove on the golf course, and she may retire soon to pursue other career opportunities in arenas traditionally dominated by men. Ms. Wie made her announcement yesterday after another inspiring performance, this time at the Canoe Brook Country Club, where she dominated the galleries and the Read More

Politics

President Bush Wants Ban on Same-Sex Cruises

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President George W. Bush told his weekly radio broadcast audience Saturday that he believes the constitution should be amended to ban same-sex-only vacation cruises. The move is widely seen as a bid to shore up the president’s collapsing support among conservative voters and vacationers. President Bush attacked what he called “activist vacation Read More

Celebrities

Angelina Jolie Buys Domain Names for Namibian Children

SWAKOPMUND, Namibia – Angelina Jolie has created an endowment to fund the purchase of domain names for Namibian children. Ms. Jolie, the Goodwill Ambassador for the United Nations High Commission for Refugees, created the endowment to “level the playing field in chat rooms and on message boards for Namibian kids,” said a Jolie spokeswoman. According Read More