September 2006 – postcards from the pug bus

God Denies Role in Anna Nicole Smith Commitment Ceremony

Biff Scuzzy 248 Views 2 min read

NASSAU, Bahamas – The Lord God Almighty denied playing any role in the recent commitment ceremony between former stripper Anna Nicole Smith and her boyfriend-attorney, Howard K. Stern.

The ceremony—which took place “before God,” according … Read on

Celebrities

Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt Will Star in Mr. & Mrs. Beowulf

philmaggitti 222 Views 3 min read

LOS ANGELES – Hoping to squelch rumors that their relationship has hit the skid marks, and to capitalize on the success of Mr. & Mrs. Smith, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt have agreed to … Read on

Celebrities

Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt Will Star in Mr. & Mrs. Beowulf

philmaggitti 247 Views 3 min read

Culture

Jackass: Number 2 Sparks Muslim Leader’s Outrage

Biff Scuzzy 254 Views 2 min read

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – After viewing Jackass: Number Two, the chief cleric of the Mosque of the Sacred Jihad called on Muslims in West Chester and around the world to bring down “the all-consuming … Read on

Music

Whitney Houston Tired of Being Bobby Brown’s Meal Ticket

Biff Scuzzy 249 Views 3 min read

ATLANTA, Georgia – Crack-addled, damn-near-toothless Whitney Houston has filed for divorce from her free-loading, booty-chasing, boorish lout of a husband, Bobby Brown. A publicist for Ms. Houston, address unknown, declined to reveal where or when … Read on

Celebrities

Jessica Simpson Tells Ellen DeGeneres: I Scare Guys Away Too

Chip Hilton 216 Views 2 min read

LOS ANGELES – During an appearance on The Ellen DeGeneres Show, Jessica Simpson addressed a wide range of topics from her disappointment with psycho-
therapy to the strange effect her celebrity has on men. … Read on

Celebrities

Britney Spears New Son Revives Spay Campaign

Biff Scuzzy 254 Views 2 min read

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – The campaign to spay Britney Spears, launched in May by Postcards from the Pug Bus, southeastern Pennsylvania’s leading celebrity satire website, was given renewed life yesterday when Ms. Spears delivered her … Read on

News

New Sex Drug Stops Premature Ejaculation in Its Tracks

philmaggitti 266 Views 5 min read

ST. PAUL, Minn. – A report in the British medical journal The Lancet contains good news for men who suffer from the thrill of sexual excitement but the agony of premature ejaculation. In a study … Read on

Culture

Katie Couric Sign-off Contest Finalists Announced

Chip Hilton 247 Views 2 min read

NEW YORK – Katie Couric, the first solo evening news anchor who’s ever had a colonoscopy on live television, admitted on her initial broadcast, Tuesday, that she was SOL for a clever sign-off line.

Ms. … Read on

News

Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin Rumors Flood Internet

Biff Scuzzy 252 Views 3 min read

CAIRNS, Australia – The recent death of Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin has occasioned a flood of rumors the likes of which have not been seen on the Internet since the death of Princess Diana, an … Read on

Celebrities

Suri Cruise Photos Expected to Fuel Stock Market Rally

T.J. Eckleburg 257 Views 3 min read

NEW YORK – The publication of the first pictures of Suri Cruise should drive many stock prices higher, financial analysts predict. The long-anticipated images, featured in an exclusive twenty-two-page spread in the October issue of … Read on

News

Steve Irwin Crocodile Hunter Death Tops Stingray News

philmaggitti 237 Views 2 min read

BRISBANE, Australia – The death of Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin has left the stingray world scrambling to effect damage control. Mr. Irwin, 44, died today after being stung by a bull ray on the Great … Read on

Celebrities

Tom Cruise Apologizes to Brooke Shields; Matt Lauer, Oprah Next

Chip Hilton 227 Views 2 min read

LOS ANGELES – Wearing a sackcloth pullover from the Mel Gibson collection, Scientologist Tom Cruise knocked on Brooke Shields’ door to apologize for calling her a stupid, thumb-sucking [twit] on the Today show last year. … Read on

Celebrities

Photog Drops Suit against Jennifer Aniston over Topless Shots

Biff Scuzzy 240 Views 2 min read

LOS ANGELES – The photographer who filed suit against Jennifer Aniston last December for “wantonly exposing her breasts” in her backyard, thereby interfering with his ability to earn a living, has dropped his suit after … Read on