NSA Foils Massive Gettysburg Plot
WASHINGTON, D.C. – The National Security Agency (NSA) announced this morning that it had foiled “a massive terrorist plot” to disrupt the 150th reenactment of… Read More
Author: Biff Scuzzy
Cornel West Reveals Where He Plans to Get Arrested Next
WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Cornel West is on a roll. The silver-tongued, fuzzy-headed, musty-looking Princetonian has been arrested twice in the last seven days. What’s… Read More
God Blasts Rick Perry over Intelligent Design and Celebrity Photo Books
WASHINGTON, D.C. – In a statement faxed to the editor of THEM Weekly magazine, God the Father Almighty chided presidential candidate Rick Perry for using the theory… Read More
PETA Rallies Snails Rights Advocates In Florida
MIAMI – Snails rights advocates picketed outside the Biltmore Hotel in Coral Gables yesterday to protest the addition of giant African snails to the menu… Read More
Text of Obama’s Jobs Speech Leaked
WASHINGTON, D.C. – The text of President Obama’s major address about jobs, scheduled to be delivered before a joint session of Congress Thursday night, has… Read More
UConn Women a Huge Bust in the Neilsen Ratings
DAYTON, Ohio – The University of Connecticut’s women’s basketball team might be the best women’s team ever assembled, but their Neilsen ratings suck. According to… Read More
Lil’ Wayne Sentencing Postponed for Hemorrhoid Surgery
NEW YORK – Once again an attorney for Lil’ Wayne has requested a postponement of the rapscallion’s jail sentencing for attempted gun possession. The sentencing… Read More
Ben Roethlisberger Fondles the Snapper
MILLEDGEVILLE, Ga. – A twenty-year-old college student has accused Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger of sexually assaulting her at a nightclub early Friday morning. The… Read More