philmaggitti – Page 4 – postcards from the pug bus

Apple iPhone 12 Contains Fecal Finder™ App

philmaggitti 281 Views 2 min read

In its rollout of the iPhone 12, Apple seems to have saved one of the most revolutionary features of its gear new phone for last: the Fecal Finder™ app, which can detect fecal material as … Read on

News

Wal-Mart Pulls All Chinese Toothpaste in the United States

philmaggitti 364 Views 2 min read

BENTONVILLE, Ark. – Wal-Mart will no longer sell Chinese toothpaste in its United States outlets. The global retail giant announced yesterday that it was taking this step after receiving numerous complaints from its American customers.… Read on

News

Sir Paul Caught on Video Attempting to Buy Pot

philmaggitti 289 Views 2 min read

WINGHAM, Near Sandwich, Kent, Next to Blasingstone-on-Avon England—A potentially embarrassing iPhone 10 video in which Paul McCartney is seen attempting to buy marijuana in the rural village of Wingham, Kent, is in the sweaty hands … Read on

Blog

Five Signs That Your Karma Needs a Makeover

philmaggitti 446 Views 2 min read

WEST GOSHEN TWP, Pa.–Karma, the law of moral causation, was invented more than 2,500 years ago in Northern India to answer troubling questions about the inequalities of life. People wanted to know, for example, why one … Read on

Blog

Are You the Master of Your Bedroom?

philmaggitti 276 Views 2 min read

The true conservative does not like anything to happen that has not happened before. He prefers old dogs, old friends, old whiskey, and old songs…old words, too…and he’s apt to become shirty when old words … Read on

Book of Daze

National Pardon Yourself Day

philmaggitti 321 Views 2 min read

WEST GOSHEN TWP, PA—Everyone, it seems, has an opinion regarding a president’s authority to pardon himself for wrong doings of a pardonable sort. Ever the contrarians, we do not have an opinion in this regard. … Read on

Technology

Killer Kwanzaa App Suspected of Causing Computer Crashes

philmaggitti 301 Views 2 min read

WEST CHESTER, PA—The Killer Kwanzaa app, offered free through the Black Lives Matter (BLM) website, is suspected of forcing its way onto the tablets, mobile phones, and computers of selected persons who visit the BLM … Read on

Book of Daze

National Irregardless Day

philmaggitti 356 Views 2 min read

WEST GOSHEN TWP, PA—We fucking love the sound of irregardless. It’s a four-syllable word from the wrong side of the dictionary, we know; but one should never send a three-syllable word to do the … Read on

Ass Hats

Whoopi Goldberg Is an Ass Hat for Sure

philmaggitti 286 Views 2 min read

WEST GOSHEN TWP, PA—A gay, British, former friend of mine who was active in the animal rights movement … and, some whispered, active in the animal rights “underground” too … hated … Read on

Saints Alive

St. Theneva, Patron Saint of Breast Reductions

philmaggitti 494 Views 2 min read

WEST CHESTER, Pa. – Saint Theneva of Glasgow was a British princess who enjoyed the horizontal sports from an early age. Her fondness for frolic was something of an embarrassment to her father, Lord Seefeth, … Read on

The Grammar Prick

The Grammar Prick’s Lockdown Lessons

philmaggitti 286 Views 2 min read

I hope you boys and girls have been wearing your masks and practicing social distancing. Remember, good masks make good neighbors,and anyone who gets within six feet of you is … Read on

Technology

Biden Vows to Investigate Alarming Rise in GPS Malfunctions

philmaggitti 230 Views 2 min read

WASHINGTON, D.C.—President-elect Joseph R. Biden announced yesterday that “on Day One” he would ask the Department of Homeland Security to investigate an alarming rise in GPS malfunctions. Although he stopped short of suggesting a link … Read on

Ass Hats

Van Morrison Is the Ass Hat of the Moment

philmaggitti 309 Views 2 min read

WEST GOSHEN TWP, PA—That disgusting, little fat-shit Van Morrison, all of 5’5″ in his high-heeled boots, is the Ass Hat of the Moment for September 27. At one time a snot-flinging, curb-biting drunk, Morrison is … Read on

News

NSA Blames Vague Terror Warning on Inability to Decode Pig Latin

philmaggitti 278 Views 2 min read

WASHINGTON, D.C.–An unnamed official with the National Security Agency (NSA) said that the organization’s recent vague terror warning—”We are positive that somebody, somewhere is planning something against the United Stares at some point in the … Read on

Blog

Math, Gravity, and Speed Limits Reek of White Supremacy

philmaggitti 277 Views 3 min read

WEST GOSHEN TWP, Pa.—Brooklyn College Professor of Math Education Laurie Rubel proclaimed recently on Twitter that the mathematical equation 2+2=4 “reeks of white supremacist patriarchy. The idea that math (or … Read on