Celebrity Shockers | Outrageous Celebrity Moments, Arrests & Meltdowns

Postcards from The Pug Bus

Lifting a satirical leg on popular culture

Persons in the Ether

Question of the Week

Passion or stability?

Mavis Drouk, emotional escrow officer

Believed to be near Harrisburg, PA

Stability. Passion is what people choose when they still believe a staircase can be made entirely of sparks. Stability may not sing outside your window, but it does remember where the insurance cards are.

Rufus Clenn, freelance thunder consultant

Last reported west of Tulsa, OK

Passion, obviously. Stability is just boredom wearing shoes with arch support. I want life to arrive late, smell faintly of lightning, and explain nothing until several lamps have been broken.

Nora Vell, deputy curator of small regrets

Possibly sheltering in Eugene, OR

Passion is useful for beginnings, stability for the paperwork afterward. I prefer both in moderation, which is another way of saying I would like to be ruined briefly and then driven home safely.

Celebrity Shockers

Angelina Jolie Offended by Virgin Mary Wal-Mart Painting

Chip Hilton Britney Spears 19 years

LOS ANGELES – Angelina Jolie is offended by a painting that depicts her as the Virgin Mary hovering in a cloud over a Wal-Mart checkout… Read More

Celebrity Shockers

Lindsay Lohan Says Appendix Donor “Saved My Life”

philmaggitti Lindsay Lohan 19 years

LOS ANGELES – Actress Lindsay Lohan said she owes “a debit of gratitude” to the organ donor whose appendix “saved my life.” The twenty-year-old singer-actress… Read More

Celebrity Shockers

Indiana Jones and the Colonoscopy of Doom Tops Poll

Biff Scuzzy 19 years

HOLLYWOOD – Harrison Ford denied in a conference call with AARP The Magazine yesterday that the long-awaited Indiana Jones IV is going to be called Indiana Jones and… Read More

Celebrity Shockers

Britney Spears, Dick Clark Top New Year’s Wrap Up

Chip Hilton Britney Spears 19 years

LOS ANGELES – Britney Spears suffers from a rare form of narcolepsy. Dick Clark still talks funny. These are the top stories of the new… Read More

Celebrity Shockers

Britney Spears Tops Paris Hilton, You as Person of the Year

Chip Hilton Britney Spears, Paris Hilton 19 years

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Britney Spears is the Postcards from the Pus Bus 2006 Person of the Year. Ms. Spears captured the title hands down,… Read More

Celebrity Shockers

Angelina Jolie Gives Free Tattoos to Refugees for Christmas

philmaggitti 19 years

COSTA RICA – Crusading artistes Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt swooped into Costa Rica on Christmas day to visit the People’s Tattoo Clinic, which the… Read More

Celebrity Shockers

Britney Spears Vows to Return Worst Dog Owner Award

philmaggitti Britney Spears, dog 19 years

MALIBU – An agitated Britney Spears told reporters she had not “dramatized” her dogs by having sex in front of them, and she “did-dint” deserve… Read More

Celebrity Shockers

Ben Affleck Quits Acting to Save Daughter

philmaggitti 19 years

LOS ANGELES – Ben Affleck has vowed to give up acting for the sake of his one-year-old daughter, Violet. The star of Hollywoodland made the decision despite… Read More

The Pug Bus Breaking News

The Pug Bus Breaking News requires no email address, no mother's maiden name, no first pet's nickname, and no DNA sample. You simply mash the link below and read.

Deliver It

⚡ Scholars at the Royal Institute for the Advancement of Obvious Things have concluded, after eleven years of exhaustive inquiry, that people who speak at great length in meetings do not thereby become more correct. The findings have been submitted to a committee for review.

⚡ It has been determined by authorities in several jurisdictions that the phrase "I just want to be honest with you" reliably precedes the portion of the conversation one would most prefer not to have. Legislation is pending.

⚡ The Bureau of Perpetual Reassessment has announced that this is not, in fact, the most divided the nation has ever been, a distinction that continues to belong to a prior era when the disagreements concerned rather more consequential matters and people occasionally died over them.

Adverse Effects

The following lines of prose cleverly arranged as poetry may induce brief clarity, misplaced certainty, and the sense that something has already been decided without your approval ...

By seventy you know which doors you walked past without opening,
can name the rooms you never entered,
hear the echoes anyway.

Read It All

By seventy you know which doors you walked past without opening,
can name the rooms you never entered,
hear the echoes anyway.

The years do not accuse.
They simply pile up like newspapers you meant to read,
each one carrying news that is no longer news.

You think: I should have said that differently.
I should have stayed. I should have gone.
The mind is efficient this way,
filing the same cases under the same wrong headings,
finding them again at 3 a.m. in perfect order.

What surprises is not the weight of it
but the patience —
how regret waits,
how it has nowhere else to be,
how it sits across from you at breakfast
and asks for nothing,
knowing you will offer it everything
on your own.

The body slows.
The catalog does not.
You carry the unlived lives
the way old houses carry
the smell of people who are gone —
not haunting exactly,
just present,
just there,
just refusing
the simple courtesy
of leaving.