Horoscopes Archives - Page 16 of 24 - Postcards from The Pug Bus

Postcards from The Pug Bus

Lifting a satirical leg on popular culture

Persons in the Ether

Question of the Week

Sports car or pick-up truck?

Dale Droot, 58, regional grit consultant

Allegedly parked at 22 Gravel Onion Road, Muncie, IN

Pick-up truck. A sports car says you have unresolved feelings about your hairline. A pick-up says you might help someone move, then mention it for twelve years.

Tessa Clune, 46, fragrance accountability officer

Allegedly reversing carefully at 7 Lilac Spur, Reno, NV

Sports car. I respect a vehicle that announces bad judgment before the driver even opens his mouth. A pick-up truck always looks like it is late to supervise gravel.

Marlene Bix, 69, retired driveway theorist

Allegedly idling at 301 Bent Hydrangea Lane, Utica, NY

Pick-up truck for life, sports car for lunch. One moves mulch, furniture, and shame. The other moves a divorced orthodontist toward a leather jacket he cannot justify.

"Who's got the darts?"

Horoscopes

🏈 College Football Horoscopes: August 29

philmaggitti football, horoscopes 9 months

(Let’s lace up the cleats and consult the stars–because this season, your fate is wearing shoulder pads and a headset.) â™ˆ Aries (March 21–April 19)… Read More

"What do you want it to say?"

Horoscopes

Clever and Confounding Horoscopes for August 28

philmaggitti horoscopes 9 months

Welcome to your Clever and Confounding Horoscopes: Where the Stars Are Tripping and the Spellings Are Freelance. If the zodiac signs herein look … off,… Read More

A poster of Mercury in retrograde dancing through an inbox

"It was too full anyway."

Horoscopes

Irregular Horoscopes for August 27, 2025

philmaggitti horoscopes 9 months

(Let’s crack open the celestial vending machine and see what expired snacks and irregular horoscopes the cosmos is peddling today.) â™ˆ Aries (Mar 21 –… Read More

"Bring me the head of St. Paul."

Horoscopes

Irregular Insect Horoscopes for August 26, 2025

philmaggitti horoscopes 9 months

ðŸ¦‚ Aries (March 21 – April 19) – The Aggressive Bark Beetle Born to bore–into wood, into conflict, into the heart of the matter. Aries… Read More

A man trying to grill a watermelon that has caught on fire,

"Flambe, my ass."

Horoscopes

Irregular Horoscopes for August 25, 2025

philmaggitti horoscopes 9 months

(The stars are drunk on melted popsicles and the scent of inflatable pool vinyl. The constellations have shed their dignity like a sun-burnt tourist shedding… Read More

"Wait, you're not a bird."

Horoscopes

Your Daily Irregular Horoscope for August 24, 2025

philmaggitti horoscopes 9 months

Today the cosmos decided that astrology was boring and subcontracted your fate to the Audubon Society. Your zodiac sign has been yoked to a bird,… Read More

"You be my honeysuckle, I'll be your bee."

Horoscopes

🌸 Flower Power Horoscopes for August 23, 2025

philmaggitti horoscopes 9 months

Tall, radiant, and always facing (hogging) the spotlight. You’re photosynthesizing applause. Today your ego will bloom like a roadside attraction–visible from space. Just remember: even sunflowers bow at dusk. Humility is your compost.

"I was born this way."

Horoscopes

Anagram Weird Horoscopes for August 22, 2025

philmaggitti Britney Spears, horoscopes 9 months

Astrology has always claimed to be the marriage of mathematics and mysticism, but today it has brought a guest to the honeymoon suite: the anagram. By… Read More

Adverse Effects

The following lines of prose cleverly disguised as poetry may induce brief clarity, misplaced certainty, and the sense that something has already been decided without your approval.

There is a moment, just before sleep,
when the mind loosens its tie
and admits what it spent all day denying.

Read It All

There is a moment, just before sleep,
when the mind loosens its tie
and admits what it spent all day denying.

You remember the thing you said—
not the words,
but the angle of them,
how they leaned slightly wrong
and stayed there.

A life is not ruined in grand gestures.
It goes soft at the edges first.
Corners round off. Standards blur.
You start calling things “fine”
that would have once kept you awake.

Which is the problem.

Because now you do sleep.

Beautifully. Efficiently.
Like someone who has made a series of
very small, very reasonable surrenders
and arranged them into a pillow.