Horoscopes

(Horoscopes presented with the reverence of a bored deity and the flair of a lounge singer who moonlights as a chaos therapist.) 🪩 Leo (July… Read More

(🾠The stars are barking, meowing, hissing, shedding again, and not entirely house trained.) 🦠Leo Pet (July 23 – August 22) The number 7.3… Read More

♌ Leo (Jul 23 – Aug 22) You will be haunted by the ghost of a decision you nearly made last year. It wears a… Read More

(The stars are drunk on nostalgia, the moon is wearing a bathrobe, and Mercury has joined a ska band.) ♌ Leo (July 23 – August… Read More

Leo (July 23 – August 22) Your life’s about to become a stage play. And you? You’re going to do a monologue in the produce… Read More

Aries (March 21 – April 19) Your future just texted me in all caps: “WHO LET ARIES DRIVE?” A mysterious gust of wind will lift… Read More

(🎭You are the ideological piñata suspended between performative outrage and performative virtue. One wants to burn the cathedral. The other wants to roast marshmallows in… Read More

(A celestial fever dream filtered through a cracked kaleidoscope and narrated by a disgruntled oracle with a ketamine addiction.) ♌ Leo (Jul 23–Aug 22) The… Read More