Dallas Teacher Accuses Santa Claus of Planting News Stories
DALLAS – A music teacher in a Dallas suburb told a class of six- and seven-year-old students that a favorable news story about Santa Claus… Read More
News
Current events filtered through our jaundiced worldview. By the time you read this, everything is already worse. We report what happened, add contempt, and call it a service. The truth hurts; we just twist the knife.
King Kong Protest Planned by PETA
VIRGINIA BEACH, Vir. – When King Kong opens at more than 3,500 theaters across the United States today, people attending many of those theaters will be greeted… Read More
President Bush to Withdraw Serial Comma
WASHINGTON, D.C. – A high-level source in the White House, speaking on condition of anonymity, has revealed that President Bush will announce in a major… Read More
Does This Needle Make My Butt Look Big?
CHICAGO, Ill. – A study conducted by the American Medical Association (AMA) suggests that grossly overweight women are more likely to skip treatment for conditions… Read More
The Grammar Prick convenes the firing squad for crimes against language. Justice prepares to proofread.
Tara Reid Still Celebrating Birthday
LOS ANGELES – Tara Reid, who turned thirty yesterday, is still toasting the occasion. Reid’s marathon birthday party, which began around sundown Monday, was in… Read More
Vincent Gallo Swimming Upstream with Sperm Offer
WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Ignoring the historically poor performance records of sperm banks, indie film actor Vincent Gallo is offering to sell his sperm for… Read More
Chicken Little Stricken with Avian Flu
What was to be a triumphant weekend debut for Walt Disney Studios Chicken Little was marred by the news that the hero of this newly released animated… Read More
Alito Supreme Court Nomination Assailed by Democrats
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Massachusetts Senator Ted Kennedy led the chorus of Democratic voices howling in opposition to President Bush’s nomination of Judge Samuel A. Alito… Read More