Sporting Life Archives - Page 6 of 11 - Postcards from The Pug Bus

Postcards from The Pug Bus

Lifting a satirical leg on popular culture

Persons in the Ether

Question of the Week

Passion or stability?

Mavis Drouk, emotional escrow officer

Believed to be near Harrisburg, PA

Stability. Passion is what people choose when they still believe a staircase can be made entirely of sparks. Stability may not sing outside your window, but it does remember where the insurance cards are.

Rufus Clenn, freelance thunder consultant

Last reported west of Tulsa, OK

Passion, obviously. Stability is just boredom wearing shoes with arch support. I want life to arrive late, smell faintly of lightning, and explain nothing until several lamps have been broken.

Nora Vell, deputy curator of small regrets

Possibly sheltering in Eugene, OR

Passion is useful for beginnings, stability for the paperwork afterward. I prefer both in moderation, which is another way of saying I would like to be ruined briefly and then driven home safely.

Sporting Life

NBA Players Union To Decertify, Regroup as Shopper’s Club

philmaggitti 14 years

NEW YORK – Claiming that the National Basketball Association owners latest contract offer will make it “more difficult for us to keep food on the… Read More

Sporting Life

Was Joe Paterno Fired Because of His Two-Quarterback Offense?

philmaggitti football 14 years

Ostensibly ex-Penn State football coach Joe Paterno was fired by the school’s board of trustees because he had failed to step up and be counted… Read More

News Sporting Life

President Obama Threatens NBA Players Who Sign with Foreign Teams

philmaggitti 15 years

President Barack Obama said today that National Basketball Association (NBA) players who sign with “foreign teams” during the current NBA lockout will be taxed heavily… Read More

Sporting Life

NBA Players Union To Decertify, Regroup as Shopper’s Club

philmaggitti 15 years

Claiming that the National Basketball Association owners latest contract offer will make it “more difficult for us to keep food on the table,” the NBA… Read More

Sporting Life

Tim Lincecum Sues Minor-League Mascot “Dog Cy” for Identity Theft and Emotional Distress

Chip Hilton dog, sporting life 15 years

Former Cy Young winner Tim Lincecum has filed what experts are already calling “the most delightfully avoidable lawsuit of the season” against Dog Cy, the… Read More

Sporting Life

Hookers Rally in Philadelphia to Protest NBA Lockout

philmaggitti 15 years

When two pick-up teams featuring NBA stars LeBron James, Kevin Durant, Carmelo Anthony, and others lace up their $1,200 sneakers at Philadelphia’s Palestra tonight, they… Read More

Sporting Life

Patriots Cheerleader Alexa Flutie Should Jump to Canada

philmaggitti Britney Spears, football 15 years

Alexa Flutie, who finally made the New England Patriots cheerleading team this year, should consider a move to the CFL (Canadian Football League), says one… Read More

Sporting Life

Lakers Fan Jack Nicholson Close to Deal with Israeli Team

philmaggitti 15 years

LOS ANGELES – Jack Nicholson, the face of the Los Angeles Lakers, is close to signing with Maccabi Ashdod of the Israeli Basketball Super League,… Read More

The Pug Bus Breaking News

The Pug Bus Breaking News requires no email address, no mother's maiden name, no first pet's nickname, and no DNA sample. You simply mash the link below and read.

Deliver It

⚡ Scholars at the Royal Institute for the Advancement of Obvious Things have concluded, after eleven years of exhaustive inquiry, that people who speak at great length in meetings do not thereby become more correct. The findings have been submitted to a committee for review.

⚡ It has been determined by authorities in several jurisdictions that the phrase "I just want to be honest with you" reliably precedes the portion of the conversation one would most prefer not to have. Legislation is pending.

⚡ The Bureau of Perpetual Reassessment has announced that this is not, in fact, the most divided the nation has ever been, a distinction that continues to belong to a prior era when the disagreements concerned rather more consequential matters and people occasionally died over them.

Adverse Effects

The following lines of prose cleverly arranged as poetry may induce brief clarity, misplaced certainty, and the sense that something has already been decided without your approval ...

By seventy you know which doors you walked past without opening,
can name the rooms you never entered,
hear the echoes anyway.

Read It All

By seventy you know which doors you walked past without opening,
can name the rooms you never entered,
hear the echoes anyway.

The years do not accuse.
They simply pile up like newspapers you meant to read,
each one carrying news that is no longer news.

You think: I should have said that differently.
I should have stayed. I should have gone.
The mind is efficient this way,
filing the same cases under the same wrong headings,
finding them again at 3 a.m. in perfect order.

What surprises is not the weight of it
but the patience —
how regret waits,
how it has nowhere else to be,
how it sits across from you at breakfast
and asks for nothing,
knowing you will offer it everything
on your own.

The body slows.
The catalog does not.
You carry the unlived lives
the way old houses carry
the smell of people who are gone —
not haunting exactly,
just present,
just there,
just refusing
the simple courtesy
of leaving.