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Postcards from The Pug Bus

Lifting a satirical leg on pop culture since 2004

Persons in the Ether

Question of the Week

Clowns or Mimes?

Marjorie Finkelstein, 64, retired dental hygienist

318 Willow Street, Scranton, PA

Mimes. At least they have the decency to suffer in silence. A clown wants you to participate in his emotional problems while he honks a horn and falls down. I spent thirty-seven years looking into people's mouths. I have had enough forced entertainment.

Raymond Bickford, 51, commercial refrigeration technician

76 Chestnut Lane, Akron, OH

Clowns. You know where you stand with a clown. He has enormous shoes, a drinking problem, and a car full of accomplices. A mime pretends to be trapped in an invisible box and expects applause. My brother-in-law has been doing that at Thanksgiving for twenty years. Nobody pays him.

Sheila Lattimore, 47, assistant county tax assessor

142 Birch Road, Des Moines, IA

Mimes, provided they remain outdoors. I once hired a clown for my daughter's birthday party. He arrived forty minutes late, smelled like gasoline, and asked whether we had a ladder. The children still talk about it. My daughter is twenty-three.

Surreal watercolor illustration of a steering wheel lock attached to a car’s wheel, shown against a pale interior background with no text.

Because nothing says “Fort Knox” like a bright red bar from 1993.

Top Ten Lists

Ten People Who Still Put a Steering Wheel Lock on Their Cars

T.J. Eckleburg top ten lists 11 months

1. The Time-Warp Grandpa Age 82, male, permanently dressed like a 1993 RadioShack manager. Smells faintly of solder and distant disappointment. Believes car thieves roam… Read More

Bargain wines illustration ... a bottle of wine wrapped in a crumpled brown paper bag next to an overflowing ashtray filled with cigarette butts, set against a gritty urban backdrop with cracked concrete and a distressed brick wall.

“Pairs beautifully with regret, roadkill , and menthols.”

Top Ten Lists

Ten Bargain Wines at $4.99 or Less

philmaggitti top ten lists 12 months

The connoisseur of bargain bin vintages must steel himself for a journey into the underbelly of viniculture, where price tags whisper of austerity and flavors… Read More

Top Ten Lists

Ten Ways to Get a Free Thanksgiving Turkey

philmaggitti top ten lists 12 months

1. The SÃ©ance StrategySummon the ghost of last year’s turkey. Demand restitution. Most spectral turkeys are surprisingly apologetic and will re-manifest as a physical bird… Read More

Grain of salt illustration: a white unicorn with rainbow colored mane and tail prancing under a shower of salt.

"First, capture a unicorn."

Top Ten Lists

Ten Unusual Things that Should Be Taken with a Grain of Salt

T.J. Eckleburg top ten lists, trump 12 months

Following the Great Pickle Uprising and the fall of the Mayonnaise Empire, humanity has clung to one guiding principle: take it with a grain of… Read More

A man enthusiastically delivers one of the ten worst pickup lines to an unimpressed woman who stands with folded arms, both dressed in earth-tone sweaters against a soft neutral background, capturing the awkward comedy of failed flirtation.

“Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?”

Top Ten Lists

The Ten Worst Pick-up Lines in History

T.J. Eckleburg top ten lists 1 year

The Ten Worst Pick-Up Lines in History Artificial intelligence may write passable sonnets and select your socks, but humanity still insists on approaching other humans… Read More

A cartoon-style illustration of a golden retriever—one of the top ten Car-Chasing Dog Breeds—sprinting after an orange sedan on a country road, tongue out, ears flapping, while the startled driver glances back in alarm.

"Race you to the light."

Top Ten Lists

Ten Car-Chasing Dog Breeds Ranked

philmaggitti dog, top ten lists 1 year

Disclaimer: No Car-Chasing Dog Breeds, top ten or otherwise, should ever be allowed to chase cars. It is dangerous, chaotic, and deeply embarrassing when they… Read More

Illustration titled 'Top Ten Phish Tunes That Should’ve Stayed in the Practice Room' featuring a cartoon guitarist strumming a red electric guitar and pointing to a colorful ranking chart of ten Phish songs.

Ten of Phish’s most questionable tunes, because even legends have off days.

Music Top Ten Lists

🎸Top Ten Phish Tunes That Should Have Stayed in the Practice Room

philmaggitti music, top ten lists 1 year

Ah, the Top Ten Phish Tunes That Should’ve Stayed in the Practice Room, tunes that even the most devoted wooks pretend don’t exist. Let’s dive… Read More

A surreal voice for Alexa from the “Top Ten New Alexa Voices” editorial series. “The Cryptid Concierge,” a Sasquatch-like creature with shaggy golden-brown fur, seated at a vintage radio console deep in a misty forest. Wearing headphones and glasses, the cryptid speaks into a retro microphone.

Did I calibrate the foghorn correctly … or did I just summon the elk council again?"

Top Ten Lists

Ten New Alexa Voices

philmaggitti top ten lists 1 year

Let’s crack open the cosmic voice vault and summon ten New Alexa Voices, each one a mythic upgrade from the current sterile defaults. These are… Read More