postcards from the pug bus

postcards from the pug bus

lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004

. . . . . Only Jesus pardons more than Joe Biden . . . . . "The truth is hate to those who hate the truth." (Stormfront) . . . . . too many presenters on YouTube have faces made for radio . . . . . "Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.” (Eleanor Roosevelt) . . . . . a level playing field lifts no boats . . . . . the best arguments against reincarnation are first grade and first wives . . . . . familiarity breeds . . . . . whether you think you can or you can't, you're right . . . . . song stuck in local man's head wants out . . . . . the unexamined life is not worth examining . . . . . well begun is, well, begun . . . . . if it's statistically impossible, it's impossible . . . . . no one gives a shit about your pronouns . . . . . as one gets old, old times' sake is the only sake left . . . . . less is more only if more is out to lunch . . . . .
News

Paul Wolfowitz Credit Card Recalled by World Bank

Biff Scuzzy 423 Views 2 min read

WASHINGTON, D.C. – A source at the World Bank has confirmed that the controversial Paul Wolfowitz credit card will be recalled. The announcement came after the World Bank’s twenty-four-member executive board met in a catered, sleep-over session last night on a yacht in the Potomac River. “Mr. Wolfowitz’ use of the credit card to obtain Read More

Politics

Don Imus Pardoned by President Bush

philmaggitti 437 Views 2 min read

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Former MSNBC personality Don Imus was pardoned by President Bush yesterday in a surprising exercise of executive privilege. The timing of the pardon was unusual. Outgoing presidents generally issue pardons on their last day in office right before catching the helicopter out of Washington. Some observers are speculating, therefore, that by acting Read More

News

Don Imus Fundraiser Spotlights Presidential Pardon

Chip Hilton 434 Views 2 min read

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Less than twenty-four hours after MSNBC had fired radio personality Don Imus for calling the Rutgers women’s basketball team “nappy-headed hos,” President Bush granted Mr. Imus an executive pardon. The text of President Bush’s pardon was read on the air by Mr. Imus at the conclusion of his fundraiser this morning. “I Read More

Celebrities

Tom Cruise Challenges Global Warming Report

Chip Hilton 472 Views 2 min read

LOS ANGELES – Tom Cruise dismissed the global warming report issued by the United Nations as “a load of pseudo-scientific hooey” that offers “temporary bromides” instead of real solutions to the world’s temperature increases. Addressing a group of reporters at his son’s baseball game yesterday afternoon, Mr. Cruise demanded to know how many actually had Read More

Technology

Sluggish Vista Users Will Be Patched by Microsoft

philmaggitti 431 Views 2 min read

REDMOND, Wash. – The Microsoft Corporation has responded swiftly to complaints from Windows Vista users who reported feeling sluggish after upgrading to the new operating system. Yesterday the Redmond giant released the first of six patches that will be distributed free to certified Vista users by Microsoft-validated physicians. “The HOW starts now,” declared Microsoft co-founder Read More

Celebrities

Anna Nicole Smith Case to Be Decided by American Idol Voters

Biff Scuzzy 402 Views 2 min read

NASSAU, The Bahamas – The identity of the father of Anna Nicole Smith’s daughter, Dannielynn, will be determined by American Idol voters, a Nassau judge declared yesterday. Beginning with next Tuesday’s show, viewers will choose among lawyer Howard K. Stern, 38, photographer Larry Birkhead, 34, Zsa Zsa Gabor’s eighth husband, Frederic Prinz von Anhalt, 64, Read More

Music

Keith Richards Snorted His Cat’s Ashes

Chip Hilton 439 Views 2 min read

NEW YORK – Rolling Stones rhythm guitarist Keith Richards angrily denied a report that he had snorted his late father’s ashes. During a chance meeting with Rolling Stone magazine’s AARP correspondent, Anthony D. Curtis, in the men’s room of a New York City nightclub, Mr. Richards called the report “a load of bollocks” and said was going Read More

Sporting Life

Ohio State’s Greg Oden Out of NCAA Title Game

philmaggitti 451 Views 2 min read

ATLANTA – Ohio State freshman center Greg Oden has been declared ineligible for tonight’s NCAA championship game with the University of Florida. NCAA officials, acting on a tip, visited Mr. Oden’s MySpace page on the Internet, where they found a picture of a birthday cake with forty candles on it. Beneath the cake was the Read More

Religion

Chocolate Jesus Penis Stolen, Display Canceled

Biff Scuzzy 480 Views 3 min read

NEW YORK – Someone stole the penis from the nude, anatomically correct chocolate sculpture of Jesus Christ that had been scheduled to go on display in New York tomorrow night. The theft was discovered early this morning by a custodian at the Lab Gallery in the Roger Smith Hotel, where the exhibition was to have Read More

Culture

Pornography Merchants Hail Internet Smut Ruling

philmaggitti 469 Views 2 min read

CORNISH FLATS, N.H. – Adult Internet content, which includes but is not limited to bumping uglies in pairs and in groups, bestiality, pedophilia, necrophilia, and the Bush twins’ webcam, will not get its own dot-xxx address on the World Wide Web; and the folks who merchant this sort of entertainment could not be happier. “Let Read More

Celebrities

Lindsay Lohan Vows to Stay the Course

Chip Hilton 522 Views 2 min read

LOS ANGELES – Lindsay Lohan, like her favorite president, George W. Bush, is determined to stay the course. Although Britney Spears has moved on from flashing her bunny to attending church with a posse of armed thugs—and Paris Hilton is more worried about jail time than face time these days—Ms. Lohan is determined to rid Read More

Celebrities

Angelina Jolie Adoption Reaches Milestone

philmaggitti 463 Views 1 min read

FLAGSTAFF, Arizona – Angelina Jolie is a long way from breaking Mia Farrow’s parenting record—four biological and ten or eleven adopted kids—but the Tomb Raider star takes a back seat to nobody when it comes to adopting highways. While the media focused on Ms. Jolie’s three adoptions and one natural birth during the last five years, she Read More

Politics

Hillary Clinton Benefits from Selfless Vilsack Move

Biff Scuzzy 435 Views 2 min read

DES MOINES, Iowa – Hillary Clinton will reap the benefit of “a selfless political decision” by her one time presidential rival, former two-term Iowa governor Thomas Vilsack. Governor Vilsack, 56, demonstrated “statesmanlike vision” by dropping out of the presidential race last month, said a press release issued from the governor’s campaign head-quarters, and now he Read More