postcards from the pug bus

postcards from the pug bus

lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004

. . . . . Only Jesus pardons more than Joe Biden . . . . . "The truth is hate to those who hate the truth." (Stormfront) . . . . . too many presenters on YouTube have faces made for radio . . . . . "Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.” (Eleanor Roosevelt) . . . . . a level playing field lifts no boats . . . . . the best arguments against reincarnation are first grade and first wives . . . . . familiarity breeds . . . . . whether you think you can or you can't, you're right . . . . . song stuck in local man's head wants out . . . . . the unexamined life is not worth examining . . . . . well begun is, well, begun . . . . . if it's statistically impossible, it's impossible . . . . . no one gives a shit about your pronouns . . . . . as one gets old, old times' sake is the only sake left . . . . . less is more only if more is out to lunch . . . . .
Celebrities

Angelina Jolie Adoption Spree Inspires New SAT Questions

philmaggitti 470 Views 3 min read

PRINCETON, N.J. – Angelina Jolie’s mad-brained adoption behavior has inspired the Educational Testing Service (ETS) in Princeton, New Jersey, to add several new questions to the mathematics portion of its venerable Scholastic Aptitude Test (SAT). An official at ETS said the Jolie questions were part of an attempt to overhaul the SAT in order to Read More

Politics

John Edwards in Danger of Losing Sympathy Vote

philmaggitti 450 Views 3 min read

NEW YORK – John Edwards may have squandered the sympathy vote already with his remarks during a 60 Minutes interview with Katie Couric, which was taped Saturday in Las Vegas and aired last night. Prior to his 60 Minutes appearance, several polls had indicated a shift in the sympathy vote toward Mr. Edwards, a former senator and vice presidential Read More

Weed

Bong Hits 4 Jesus Rallies Planned

Biff Scuzzy 520 Views 3 min read

WASHINGTON, D.C. – A nationwide series of Bong Hits 4 Jesus rallies, sponsored by the National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws (NORML), kicks off at 4:20 p.m. this Saturday in Boston, New York City, Philadelphia, and Washington, D.C. The rallies are designed to focus public attention on the Bong Hits 4 Jesus case, Read More

Sporting Life

LSU’s Pokey Chatman Remembered as Hands-on Coach

philmaggitti 460 Views 2 min read

BATON ROUGE, La. – Recently resigned LSU women’s basketball coach Dana “Pokey” Chatman, 37, will be remembered as a hands-on coach, said a trio of former players. “She worked her fingers to the bone, and she expected the same from you,” said Tymeka Jones. “Yet despite being a strict disciplinarian, she wasn’t afraid to show Read More

Music

Brad Delp Memorialized by Burger King

Biff Scuzzy 472 Views 2 min read

NEW YORK – Former Boston singer Brad Delp will be honored by the Burger King corporation, a company spokesman said yesterday. Bill Pitt, regional manager for Burger King’s New England stores, said the company made the decision following reports that Mr. Delp had died from carbon monoxide poisoning “after shutting himself inside a bathroom with Read More

Religion

Sarah Silverman Snub Has God Lovers Fuming

philmaggitti 461 Views 3 min read

NEW YORK – Sarah Silverman has had her last orgasm if God’s followers have anything to say about it. Friends of the Big Guy are praying that Ms. Silverman’s morning-after kiss off, seen last week on the season’s finale of her Comedy Central show, will come back to bite her on the ass—something she apparently Read More

Celebrities

Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie Adoption Request Denied

philmaggitti 448 Views 2 min read

NEW ORLEANS – Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have failed in their latest attempt to add to their rainbow family. The actor-activist couple learned yesterday that a New Orleans animal shelter had denied their request to adopt a three-month-old Labrador retriever puppy. The shelter’s refusal came as a shock to Brangelina watchers, who assumed that Read More

Celebrities

Paul McCartney Breaks Silence about Heather Mills

Chip Hilton 434 Views 2 min read

LONDON – A bitter Paul McCartney has finally taken the rag out of his mouth, ending a self-imposed gag order regarding his estranged wife, Heather Mills. During the weekend, the former cute Beatle spoke with Flora duMal of The Daily Mirror at Abbey Road studios, where he is recording “She Used to Do It in the Road,” Read More

Celebrities

Britney Spears Is the Antichrist, Says Noted Exorcist

Biff Scuzzy 416 Views 3 min read

MALIBU – Britney Spears’ claim to be the Antichrist should not be taken lightly, says James J. LeBar, chief exorcist for the Archdiocese of New York. Father LeBar, a veteran of more than forty exorcisms, observed Ms. Spears yesterday at Promises-by-the-Sea Tranquility Centre. He was shaken by what he saw. “There’s no doubt in my Read More

Celebrities

Britney Spears Returning to Kabbalah

Biff Scuzzy 444 Views 2 min read

MALIBU – Britney Spears wants to return to the practice of Kabbalah. During an intense week in rehab at Promises-by-the-Sea Tranquility Centre, Ms. Spears tumbled to the conclusion that her life began to unravel last spring after she had announced on her website that she was quits with Kabbalah. “I never shoulda did that,” Ms. Read More

Celebrities

Anna Nicole Smith Funeral Will Be Televised on C-SPAN2

Chip Hilton 457 Views 3 min read

WASHINGTON – The much-delayed funeral of Anna Nicole Smith will be televised live on C-SPAN2 tomorrow. Scheduled programs, beginning with “Press Freedoms in the Former Soviet Republic” at 7:00 a.m., will be preempted in order to provide day-long coverage of what promises to be the most talked about funeral in the recent history of the Read More

Religion

Jesus’ Tomb Proves He Was Not Gay, Says James Cameron

philmaggitti 424 Views 2 min read

NEW YORK – Oscar-winning director James Cameron believes that inscriptions on the tombs of the J.H. Christ family “should settle once and for all” any lingering questions about Jesus’ sexuality. Mr. Cameron is the producer of The Lost Tomb of Jesus, which airs Sunday on the Discovery Channel. He argues that ten small caskets discovered in Read More

Music

Angelina Jolie Accepts Oscar for Klaus Harmony

Chip Hilton 457 Views 3 min read

LOS ANGELES – Angelina Jolie lent a much needed touch of spice to last night’s Oscar awards snooze fest. The thirty-one-year-old Tomb Raider star brought the audience out of its slumber when she appeared late in the proceedings via satellite to accept a lifetime achievement award for Klaus Harmony, the legendary erotic film score composer known as Read More

Celebrities

Britney Spears Quits Rehab, May Flee to Namibia

Chip Hilton 447 Views 3 min read

MALIBU – Britney Spears completed another successful one-day stint in rehab yesterday. After spending a restful night in the Christian Slater suite at Promises-by-the-Sea, chatting with friends on her cell phone and ordering in pizza, the one-time pop star summoned a car service at 8:00 a.m. and headed for the nearest tattoo parlor, apparently forgetting Read More

Culture

Other Numbers Critical of The Number 23

philmaggitti 462 Views 3 min read

NEW YORK – The approaching release of The Number 23, starring Jim Carey and Virginia Madsen, has created a furor in the ranks of the normally staid numerical community. The advance publicity for this brooding psychological thriller, which opens Friday, February 23, figures to turn 23 into a cult phenomenon, and that is sure to dominate Read More