postcards from the pug bus

HOLLYWOOD – Renee Zellweger stunned Hollywood yesterday by announcing that her current project, the thriller Case 39, will be her last live-action film. In a statement released by her production company, the Bridget Jones star declared that in the future she will lend her talents only to animated features. Whether this will include television or Internet-based animation was Read More

CHICAGO – Kirstie Ally appeared on The Oprah Winfrey Show in a modified bikini yesterday to favor the world with a peek at her new body. Unfortunately, twenty or so pounds of Ms. Alley’s old body were along for the perp walk. The fifty-five-year-old former actress lumbered self-consciously on stage to the tune of the Commodores’ “Brick Read More

LOS ANGELES – An anonymous source at Cruise/Wagner Productions reports that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes may be close to settling on a tentative wedding date, perhaps as early as this month, perhaps not. The source also revealed that the couple will most likely marry in Europe or North America, or possibly Africa. Juicy details, Read More

NEW YORK – Neil Patrick Harris let both Bruno Maglis drop in a recent interview with People magazine. The boyish-looking thirty-three-year-old actor revealed not only that he is gay but also that Doogie Howser, M.D., the kid-genius he played in the television series of the same name, was gay. “Doogie and I realized our sexual preferences were Read More

LOS ANGELES – Be afraid, ye sons and daughters of Xenu. Be fearful of your fate, ye glib commentators and disciples of false prophets. Bow down, ye prescription drug addicts and practitioners of psychiatry. Tom Cruise has sucked the brains out of United Artists’ corporate leaders, who have turned control of the once proud studio Read More

MALIBU – Britney Spears has joined President Bush, Hillary Clinton, and the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth in demanding an apology from failed presidential candidate John F. Kerry (D-Mass.) for remarks he made at California’s Pasadena City College earlier this week. In one of the first statements released since she took control of her own Read More

WILMINGTON, Del. – News of the Reese Witherspoon-Ryan Phillippe breakup has sent tremors through the state of Delaware, “The Home of Tax-Free Shopping” and the birthplace of Mr. Phillippe. Throughout the First State—from Rehoboth Beach in the south, where gay congressmen and their pages frolic in the summer ocean, to Wilmington, 110 miles to the Read More

LOS ANGELES – The pending obituary of actress and author Nicole Richie was updated this week after The Simple Life costar had checked into a treatment facility that specializes in helping celebrities to gain weight. This routine obituary maintenance occurs whenever a celebrity gets married, divorced, engaged, unengaged, caught cheating, outed, arrested for drunken driving, hospitalized, punched Read More

CHICAGO – Audience members at the taping of The Oprah Show yesterday expected to see Madonna explain via satellite from London why she is right and everyone who criticizes her adoption of a thirteen-month-old Malawi child is wrong. They weren’t disappointed. They were surprised, however, when Oprah announced at the end of the taping that she was Read More

LONDON – Disturbing new charges of mental and emotional abuse have been leveled at Paul McCartney by his estranged second wife, Heather Mills. The charges were contained in an addendum to a thirteen-page court document filed previously by Ms. Mills, said London’s Daily Mail. A copy of the original document was faxed to news organizations by Read More