postcards from the pug bus – Page 45 – lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004

Spay Britney Spears Campaign Announced

Chip Hilton 467 Views 2 min read

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – A campaign to spay Britney Spears has been launched by Postcards from the Pug Bus, southeastern Pennsylvania’s leading satirical website. According to Pug Bus editor in briefs, Phil Maggitti, “At the rate Ms. Spears is reproducing, she and her offspring will give birth to thousands of babies, who will more than Read More

Politics

President Bush Sending Jehovah’s Witnesses to Patrol Border

philmaggitti 453 Views 2 min read

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Bush said last night that he will deploy 8,000 Spanish-speaking Jehovah’s Witnesses to the Mexican border to help stop the flow of illegal immigrants into the United States. Acknowledging that this country has virtually no control of its southern border, Mr. Bush argued in a prime time speech to the nation Read More

Celebrities

Brooke Shields Suffering from Postpartum Elation

T.J. Eckleburg 449 Views 2 min read

LOS ANGELES – After the birth of her daughter Rowan three years ago, Brooke Shields suffered a crippling case of postpartum depression, which she chronicled in her book Down Came the Rain. Her efforts to help other women with similar problems earned her a broadside from Scientologist Tom Cruise, who belittled her endorsement of psychiatry and Read More

Politics

Bush, Verizon Team Up to Sell NSA Telephone Spying Program

philmaggitti 450 Views 3 min read

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President George W. Bush will announce during his weekly radio address today that he is taking the place of Paul Marcarelli, the long-time face of Verizon Wireless advertising, in a new series of commercials designed to sell Americans on the next phase of the president’s domestic spying initiative. As part of that Read More

Celebrities

Nicole Richie’s Top Ten Signs You’re Visiting a Bad Porn Web Site

philmaggitti 402 Views 2 min read

HOLLYWOOD – Nicole Richie told Vanity Fair that she did not screen Paris Hilton’s career-making sex tape, “1 Night in Paris,” for some of their friends at a Los Angeles party. According to a longstanding Hollywood rumor, Ms. Hilton’s celebrated feud with Ms. Richie began in January 2005 when Ms. Hilton arrived at a party where Ms. Read More

Celebrities

Tom Cruise Outclassed by Brooke Shields in Family Faceoff

Biff Scuzzy 418 Views 1 min read

HOLLYWOOD – Tom Cruise and Brooke Shields have buried the olive branch and extended the hatchet, putting paid to their feud about the value of psychiatry and antidepressants. Yet if looking well is the best revenge, Mr. Cruise has clearly taken one in the shorts from Ms. Shields, whom he went out of his way Read More

Celebrities

Britney Spears Answers Pregnancy Rumors on Letterman Show

Chip Hilton 409 Views 2 min read

NEW YORK – Britney Spears paid a surprise visit to yesterday’s taping of the “Late Show with David Letterman” in New York to deny rumors that she is bearing Mr. Letterman’s child. A spokesman for the CBS show said Ms. Spears’ brief visit, which had been arranged earlier in the day, was a surprise to Read More

Pug Bus Pop Quiz

Britney Spears, Courtney Love Top Stretch Marks Poll

Biff Scuzzy 496 Views 2 min read

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Britney Spears and Courtney Love finished in a virtual dead heat in the Postcards from the Pug Bus First Annual Stretch Marks Poll. After studying the skanky photo on the left, 1,592 voters were asked whether Britney Spears, Katie Holmes, Gwyneth Paltrow, Courtney Love, or Mother Teresa had grown the stretch Read More

Celebrities

Tom Cruise Backlash Queers Mission Impossible 3 Debut

Chip Hilton 433 Views 3 min read

HOLLYWOOD – A Tom Cruise backlash appears to have queered the box office for Mr. Cruise’ latest film Mission Impossible 3, which failed to measure up to expectations last weekend. MI3 earned roughly $48 million, domestic, making it No. 1 with a bullet, but the bullet was aimed at its feet. Domestic box office for MI3 had been expected to Read More

Celebrities

Jennifer Lopez Introduces Combination Grill and Small Animal Crematorium

philmaggitti 396 Views 2 min read

MALIBU – Jennifer Lopez, whom People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals has attempted to make the butt of its anti-fur campaign, responded by announcing the intro-duction of the Jennifer Lopez Combination Grill and Small Animal Crematorium. “Each year the bodies of hundreds of thousands of perfectly healthy small animals harvested for the fashion industry Read More

Celebrities

Britney Spears Has Husband Kevin Federline Microchipped

Chip Hilton 483 Views 2 min read

MALIBU – Britney Spears has fitted her husband Kevin Federline with a microchip, hoping to accomplish with technology what she couldn’t accomplish with sex, automobiles, or childbirth. The device—a transponder, actually—was implanted between Mr. Federline’s shoulder blades recently. “Thousands and thousands of husbands run off each year and are never returned to their homes because Read More

News

Osama bin Laden Strategy for Coping with Rising Gasoline Prices

Biff Scuzzy 464 Views 3 min read

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Citing rising gasoline prices as the “greatest threat to our mission in the United States,” Osama bin Laden advised Al-Qaida members at work in America to walk or to ride bicycles when they visit Internet cafes to plan their next attack. “In your struggle to bring down the corrupt regime of George Read More

Celebrities

Will Britney Spears’ Press Conference Include K-Fed?

Chip Hilton 470 Views 2 min read

LOS ANGELES – Britney Spears will hold a press conference at the Los Angeles Convention Center today. Barring the capture of Osama bin Laden, the premature birth of Angelina Jolie’s baby, or the discovery of intelligent life in the White House, Ms. Spears will be the top news story. As of this morning Ms. Spears Read More

Celebrities

Keith Richards and Kaavya Viswanathan Will File Lawsuits

Chip Hilton 444 Views 3 min read

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards and Harvard sophomore Kaavya Viswanathan will turn to the courts to seek redress for their current misfortunes, The Wall Street Journal reported this morning. Mr. Richards suffered a concussion when he fell out of a coconut tree at the Wakaya Club resort in Fiji. Ms Viswanathan suffered loss Read More

Culture

United 93 Audience Rushes Screen

Biff Scuzzy 425 Views 2 min read

MORGANTOWN, Penna. – Moviegoers at the Tri-County Multiplex rushed the screen during the 7:20 showing of United 93 Saturday night, shouting “let’s roll” and “death to all towel heads.” While most of the audience sat praying in its seats and some persons tried to phone loved ones, dozens of enraged persons ran down the aisles of theater Read More