postcards from the pug bus

postcards from the pug bus

lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004

. . . . . Only Jesus pardons more than Joe Biden . . . . . "The truth is hate to those who hate the truth." (Stormfront) . . . . . too many presenters on YouTube have faces made for radio . . . . . "Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.” (Eleanor Roosevelt) . . . . . a level playing field lifts no boats . . . . . the best arguments against reincarnation are first grade and first wives . . . . . familiarity breeds . . . . . whether you think you can or you can't, you're right . . . . . song stuck in local man's head wants out . . . . . the unexamined life is not worth examining . . . . . well begun is, well, begun . . . . . if it's statistically impossible, it's impossible . . . . . no one gives a shit about your pronouns . . . . . as one gets old, old times' sake is the only sake left . . . . . less is more only if more is out to lunch . . . . .
Culture

XXX Adult Porn Domains Get Red Light

philmaggitti 453 Views 2 min read

CORNISH FLATS, N.H. – The Internet Police approved a scheme yesterday that will create a virtual red-light district in cyberspace. Known by the catchy code name Hooterville, this plan will establish a new class of web addresses, .xxx, that will be available to all pornographic websites. According to the terms of the Hooterville plan, a pornographic website Read More

News

CNN’s Nancy Grace Bites Michael Jackson Fan Outside Courthouse

philmaggitti 429 Views 2 min read

SANTA MARIA, Calif. – Celebrity lawyer Nancy Grace savagely attacked a Michael Jackson fan outside the Santa Maria courthouse yesterday during the vigil preceding the announcement of the jury’s verdict in Jackson’s child molestation trial. Grace, 45, was conducting sidewalk interviews among legions of Jackson faithful when a man in the crowd yelled, “Who let Read More

Celebrities

Tom Cruise Debunks Female Orgasm Study

Chip Hilton 460 Views 3 min read

L. RON HUBBARD’S HOUSE – Scientologist Tom Cruise issued a press release today denouncing an article in the journal Biology Letters for reporting that a woman’s ability to achieve an orgasm is more heavily influenced by her genetic makeup than by any other factor. Calling the article “pseudoscientific rubbish,” Cruise declared that virginity is the primary determinant Read More

News

Best-Selling Postcards from the Pug Bus Syndicated

philmaggitti 469 Views 11 min read

INTRODUCTIONThe End of the Road There is no better way to breathe life into a career than by retiring. Like death, retirement is a great career move; unlike death, however, retirement does not have to be a one-and-done affair. The retiree still possesses options, one of which is to unretire—also a great career move. F. Read More

Celebrities

Tom Cruise and Brooke Shields Trade Insults

Chip Hilton 472 Views 3 min read

Stay tuned all you rubberneckers and doctoral candidates in celebrity meltdowns. The vanilla sky’s apparently the limit as Cruise ricochets across American promoting his summer release, War of the Worlds, which opens in theaters on June 29. While Cruise’s rapidly diminishing number of friends and fans were still asking “What’s gotten into that boy?” after seeing Read More

Religion

Charlotte Church Flirting with Tibetan Buddhism

philmaggitti 419 Views 3 min read

CARDIFF – Charlotte Church told reporters yesterday that “in all probability” she will become a practicing Buddhist soon. The nineteen-year-old singer, who has been struggling for the last three years to establish her identity apart from the music industry, said she is “thoroughly disenchanted by the antediluvian posturing of the Catholic Church” into which she Read More

Culture

Michael Jackson Defense Rests at Neverland

philmaggitti 490 Views 3 min read

SANTA YNEZ, Calif. – Michael Jackson’s defense team is spending a quiet weekend resting at the pop diva’s Neverland Ranch. Members of Team Jackson, their families, and their children repaired to Neverland late Friday afternoon to enjoy a weekend filled with Memorial Day activities. “We’ll be doing a lot of grilling, playing volley ball, pitching Read More

Celebrities

Johnny Depp to Read at Hunter S. Thompson Memorial

philmaggitti 441 Views 3 min read

ASPEN, Colo. – Johnny Depp will read selected passages from Hunter S. Thompson’s 352-page suicide note at an invitation-only memorial service for the late author. In addition, Depp will fund the erection of a 150-foot tower from which Thompson’s ashes will be scattered at the August 20 celebration to be held on Thompson’s Woody Creek Read More

Politics

US Prepared for Flu Pandemic Says Bush

philmaggitti 435 Views 3 min read

WASHINGTON – President George W. Bush said yesterday he is confident the United States can avoid a bird flu Pandemic that could kill tens of thousands of Americans. Bush said he plans to ask Congress to use the Patriot Act to order all Asiatic restaurants to stop serving General Tso’s chicken, Kung Pao Chicken, Sweet Read More

News

Runaway Bride Wilbanks Indicted for Overdue Books

philmaggitti 452 Views 4 min read

ATLANTA – Runaway bride Jennifer Wilbanks has been indicted by a grand jury on a number of counts related to her failure to return thirty-seven library books she borrowed from the Gwinnett County Public Library in Norcross, Georgia, last year. The indictment charges Wilbanks with thirty-seven misdemeanor counts of failure to apply for extensions on Read More

News

Paris Hilton and Pug Bus Sites Crash

Chip Hilton 522 Views 2 min read

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Two dangerously popular websites have crashed during the last four days after being innundated with visitors, apparently giving the lie to the notion that it’s impossible to be too rich or too thin. The first victim of its own richness, www.spicyparis.com, featured Paris Hilton, clad in a stringy black swimsuit, waving Read More

Blog

At Preakness Time, a Pimlico Tale

philmaggitti 486 Views 10 min read

BALTIMORE – The best stories in sports are about horse racing or boxing. That’s because the best characters in sports are in the gym or on the racetrack. Guys with names like Slewfoot or Hard Times, Sweatpea or Destroyer. Their lives are the stuff of legend. Their legends have lives of their own. When a Read More

Politics

Senate Reaches Compromise on Sexual Filibuster

philmaggitti 529 Views 3 min read

WASHINGTON – Last night fourteen members of the Senate agreed to an historic compromise on sexual filibustering that may have saved what one senator called “this august body” from ridicule and irreparable harm. The bipartisan agreement clears the way for an immediate, straight up-or-down vote on three of President Bush’s five stalled judicial nominations. At Read More

Culture

Mary Kay Letourneau Wedding Skipped by Queen

philmaggitti 473 Views 5 min read

WOODINVILLE, Wash. – Queen Elizabeth issued a brief press release yesterday explaining that she did not attend the wedding of Mary Kay Letourneau and Vili Fualaau because she feared her presence would turn the ceremony into a media curiosity. Many royal watchers interpreted the queen’s absence as a snub to the couple because the queen Read More