horoscopes Archives - Page 17 of 23 - Postcards from The Pug Bus

Postcards from The Pug Bus

Lifting a satirical leg on popular culture

Persons in the Ether

Question of the Week

Passion or stability?

MD

Mavis Drouk, emotional escrow officer

Believed to be near Harrisburg, PA

Stability. Passion is what people choose when they still believe a staircase can be made entirely of sparks. Stability may not sing outside your window, but it does remember where the insurance cards are.

RC

Rufus Clenn, freelance thunder consultant

Last reported west of Tulsa, OK

Passion, obviously. Stability is just boredom wearing shoes with arch support. I want life to arrive late, smell faintly of lightning, and explain nothing until several lamps have been broken.

NV

Nora Vell, deputy curator of small regrets

Possibly sheltering in Eugene, OR

Passion is useful for beginnings, stability for the paperwork afterward. I prefer both in moderation, which is another way of saying I would like to be ruined briefly and then driven home safely.

signs of the zodiac

"Bingo!"

No Size Fits All Horoscopes for August 16, 2025

philmaggitti horoscopes 9 months

Leo (July 23 – August 22) Your life’s about to become a stage play. And you? You’re going to do a monologue in the produce… Read More

a woman holding a cell phone

"Well, who?"

Condescending Horoscopes for August 15, 2025

philmaggitti horoscopes 9 months

Aries (March 21 – April 19) Your future just texted me in all caps: “WHO LET ARIES DRIVE?” A mysterious gust of wind will lift… Read More

Milo and that tool girly man Colbert arguing.

"You suck man!"

Milo vs Colbert Horoscopes for August 14, 2025

philmaggitti horoscopes 9 months

(ðŸŽYou are the ideological piÃ±ata suspended between performative outrage and performative virtue. One wants to burn the cathedral. The other wants to roast marshmallows in… Read More

A man working on unidentified hobbies

"If you build it, you can sell it on Etsy."

Hand-Me-Down Horoscopes for August 12, 2025

philmaggitti horoscopes 9 months

(A celestial fever dream filtered through a cracked kaleidoscope and narrated by a disgruntled oracle with a ketamine addiction.) â™Œ Leo (Jul 23–Aug 22) The… Read More

"Cats rule, dogs drool."

Fight Like Cats and Dogs Horoscope August 11, 2025

philmaggitti horoscopes 9 months

(Horoscopes combining aloof elegance vs unconditional chaos.) â™ˆ Aries (March 21 – April 19) You sprint into the day like it owes you something, knocking over… Read More

an image of a pyramid

"Whose pyramid scheme?"

Side-Effects-May-Include Horoscopes for August 10, 2025

philmaggitti horoscopes 9 months

(A horoscope that serves as a pharmaceutical warning label, a surreal prophecy, and a cautionary tale for anyone who’s ever tried to astrally project while… Read More

a hand reaching into a silverware drawer

"Hi yo, Silver."

Thrift Store Horoscopes for August 9, 2025

philmaggitti horoscopes 9 months

ðŸ¦ Leo (July 23 – August 22) You enter every room like it’s a red carpet event, even if it’s just the local Arby’s. The… Read More

a mermaid looking at a candle

"Something smells fishy here,"

🔮 One-dimensional Horoscopes for August 8, 2025

philmaggitti horoscopes 9 months

(Dictated horoscopes by an unreliable oracle who may or may not be powered by expired batteries and Mercury in cowboy drag. Time is a flat… Read More

The Pug Bus Breaking News

The Pug Bus Breaking News requires no email address, no mother's maiden name, no first pet's nickname, and no DNA sample. You simply mash the link below and read.

Deliver It

⚡ Scholars at the Royal Institute for the Advancement of Obvious Things have concluded, after eleven years of exhaustive inquiry, that people who speak at great length in meetings do not thereby become more correct. The findings have been submitted to a committee for review.

⚡ It has been determined by authorities in several jurisdictions that the phrase "I just want to be honest with you" reliably precedes the portion of the conversation one would most prefer not to have. Legislation is pending.

⚡ The Bureau of Perpetual Reassessment has announced that this is not, in fact, the most divided the nation has ever been, a distinction that continues to belong to a prior era when the disagreements concerned rather more consequential matters and people occasionally died over them.

Adverse Effects

The following lines of prose cleverly arranged as poetry may induce brief clarity, misplaced certainty, and the sense that something has already been decided without your approval ...

By seventy you know which doors you walked past without opening,
can name the rooms you never entered,
hear the echoes anyway.

Read It All

By seventy you know which doors you walked past without opening,
can name the rooms you never entered,
hear the echoes anyway.

The years do not accuse.
They simply pile up like newspapers you meant to read,
each one carrying news that is no longer news.

You think: I should have said that differently.
I should have stayed. I should have gone.
The mind is efficient this way,
filing the same cases under the same wrong headings,
finding them again at 3 a.m. in perfect order.

What surprises is not the weight of it
but the patience —
how regret waits,
how it has nowhere else to be,
how it sits across from you at breakfast
and asks for nothing,
knowing you will offer it everything
on your own.

The body slows.
The catalog does not.
You carry the unlived lives
the way old houses carry
the smell of people who are gone —
not haunting exactly,
just present,
just there,
just refusing
the simple courtesy
of leaving.