A sentient golden toilet that later staged its own heist to escape the "trickle-down" rot of British nobility.
I, The Duke of Marlborough’s golden toilet, was born in a furnace at 1,948 degrees Fahrenheit, then forged into a literal gleaming throne of excess,… Read More
NORTH POLE – In a gobsmacking legal development, the indigenous Frostbite Tribe has filed a claim with the International Arctic Court alleging that Santa Claus… Read More
Scientists have long known that trees communicate through underground fungal networks, sharing nutrients and warning each other of danger. What we did not know–until now–is… Read More
In what industry experts are calling “impressively stupid even by tech standards,” major technology companies have collectively borrowed over $100 billion to construct cathedral-sized buildings… Read More
Alabama – Every “closed for repairs” sign is really code for “the possums are running again.”Alaska – Locals measure emotional intimacy by how many moose… Read More
🗽 Welcome to a Satirical US Atlas–a cartographic fever dream. Fifty states, fifty fictional monuments, each more unhinged than the last. No SEO”‘optimized travel tips,… Read More
Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue has announced that it will feature the first ever Mormon cover model. The magazine, which has already paraded transwomen, old past-their-prime… Read More
The household oracle was summoned with the wake up word, “Ziggy,” and as expected the familiar baritone began its dutiful recital of the morning temperature.… Read More
