news Archives - Page 5 of 14 - Postcards from The Pug Bus

Assistant grocery manager helps a shopper compare nearly identical dishwasher detergents, suggesting the end of the world is probably not arriving anytime soon.

If we're still debating dishwasher detergent, the apocalypse can wait.

Signs the End of the World Is Still Not Near

For generations, humanity has maintained an impressive commitment to predicting its imminent demise. Ancient prophets foretold the end of the world by consulting the stars.… Read More

Humorous illustration of an HOA board debating beside a Buddha statue and overflowing trash can, as the five Buddhist precepts meet suburban bureaucracy.

Inner peace. Outer violation notice.

News

Local HOA Adopts Five Buddhist Precepts, Still Can’t Agree on Trash Can Rules

philmaggitti news 4 months

The West Chester Homeowners Association has replaced its Community Standards handbook with the Five Buddhist Precepts, hoping that karma would prove a more effective deterrent… Read More

Gifted child grows up to become an ordinary middle-aged adult wearing a large academic medal on a ribbon, proudly honoring unrealized potential with deadpan dignity.

At last, a ribbon for peaking before puberty.

News

National Association of Former Gifted Children Demands Retroactive Medals

philmaggitti news 4 months

The newly formed National Association of Former Gifted Children (NAFGC) has petitioned Congress to award Retroactive Academic Valor Medals to adults who spent their childhoods… Read More

America 250 Time Capsule illustration of a worn rubber boot in moonlit Alaska, filled with living sourdough starter that appears to breathe beneath a full moon.

The starter has requested a larger boot and visitation rights during full moons.

News

Every State’s America 250 Time Capsule Contributions

T.J. Eckleburg news 4 months

To prepare the America 250 Time Capsule, every state governor has received a lead-lined cylinder and strict instructions to fill it with items that define… Read More

Mandatory paint color tribunal members inspect a suburban front door with precision instruments, ensuring its beige shade meets strict HOA standards in a deadpan satire of neighborhood bureaucracy.

Human joy is not an approved exterior finish.

News

Local HOA Enforces Mandatory Paint Color Ordinance

T.J. Eckleburg news 4 months

The Whispering Pines, Arkansas, HOA Paint Color Tribunal convened at midnight beneath the fluorescent hum of the community clubhouse pool shed. The question at hand… Read More

A woman runs a quirky wellness center side business printing inspirational quotes on dryer sheets, convinced laundry rooms are where people are most emotionally available.

Self-improvement, now with static cling.

News

Local Town Rebrands Itself as Wellness Destination

T.J. Eckleburg news 4 months

The cash strapped Borough of Larkhaven (population 4,912; median age: “tired”) announced this week that it has officially rebranded itself as “America’s Premier Wellness Destination,”… Read More

Failure to appear alive may delay processing.

News

New Law Requires Citizens to Provide Proof of Life Annually

T.J. Eckleburg news 4 months

Under the terms of the Continuity Assurance Act, all adult United States residents must now report annually to an online Personal Verification Clinic (PVC) to… Read More

A man sits at a kitchen table staring angrily at a jar of pickles while podcast equipment waits nearby, moments before starting a podcast.

"The pickles location had changed. The public deserved answers."

News

Most People Only One Minor Inconvenience Away From Starting a Podcast

T.J. Eckleburg news 4 months

A new study released by the Center for Preventable Content Creation (CPCC) in San Francisco found that 87 percent of Americans are just one minor… Read More