religion Archives - Page 8 of 9 - Postcards from The Pug Bus

Postcards from The Pug Bus

Lifting a satirical leg on popular culture

Persons in the Ether

Question of the Week

Passion or stability?

MD

Mavis Drouk, emotional escrow officer

Believed to be near Harrisburg, PA

Stability. Passion is what people choose when they still believe a staircase can be made entirely of sparks. Stability may not sing outside your window, but it does remember where the insurance cards are.

RC

Rufus Clenn, freelance thunder consultant

Last reported west of Tulsa, OK

Passion, obviously. Stability is just boredom wearing shoes with arch support. I want life to arrive late, smell faintly of lightning, and explain nothing until several lamps have been broken.

NV

Nora Vell, deputy curator of small regrets

Possibly sheltering in Eugene, OR

Passion is useful for beginnings, stability for the paperwork afterward. I prefer both in moderation, which is another way of saying I would like to be ruined briefly and then driven home safely.

Jesus Distraught over Book of Daniel Cancellation

Biff Scuzzy religion 20 years

HEAVEN – Those who know him say Jesus Christ is distraught over the cancellation of NBC’s controversial religious drama The Book of Daniel, which was pulled… Read More

God Accepts Mayor Ray Nagin’s Apology

philmaggitti religion 20 years

NEW ORLEANS – New Orleans mayor, Ray Nagin, assured the people of the United States that God had accepted his apology. Mayor Nagin, the latest… Read More

Jesus Christ Unhappy with Chronicles of Narnia Campaign

philmaggitti religion 20 years

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN – The Lord God Jesus Christ is “sore displeased” with the Disney Corporation. Through a special arrangement with Google, Jesus issued via… Read More

Home School Movement Needs Metal Detectors, Says Pat Robertson

philmaggitti religion 20 years

VIRGINIA BEACH, Vir. – Calling the shooting deaths of Michael and Cathryn Borden “the home schooling movement’s very own Columbine,” televangelist Pat Robertson urged parents… Read More

Pope John Paul II on Fast Track for Sainthood

Biff Scuzzy religion 21 years

ROME – Catholics campaigning to have the late Pope John Paul II declared a saint in record time should welcome two reports of miracles alleged… Read More

Court Division on Ten Commandments Seen as Good

philmaggitti religion, top ten lists 21 years

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The Supreme Court decision regarding the placement of the Ten Commandments in courtrooms and public buildings is expected to give a boost… Read More

Ten Commandments Decision On Record

Biff Scuzzy religion 21 years

OPP, Alabama – A boxed-set, leather-bound collectors edition of the Ten Commandments, complete with an illustrated, twenty-six-page, large-print booklet containing an accurate facsimile of God’s… Read More

Charlotte Church Flirting with Tibetan Buddhism

philmaggitti religion 21 years

CARDIFF — Charlotte Church told reporters yesterday that she is “very likely” to become a practicing Buddhist. The nineteen-year-old singer, who has spent the last… Read More

The Pug Bus Breaking News

The Pug Bus Breaking News requires no email address, no mother's maiden name, no first pet's nickname, and no DNA sample. You simply mash the link below and read.

Deliver It

⚡ Scholars at the Royal Institute for the Advancement of Obvious Things have concluded, after eleven years of exhaustive inquiry, that people who speak at great length in meetings do not thereby become more correct. The findings have been submitted to a committee for review.

⚡ It has been determined by authorities in several jurisdictions that the phrase "I just want to be honest with you" reliably precedes the portion of the conversation one would most prefer not to have. Legislation is pending.

⚡ The Bureau of Perpetual Reassessment has announced that this is not, in fact, the most divided the nation has ever been, a distinction that continues to belong to a prior era when the disagreements concerned rather more consequential matters and people occasionally died over them.

Adverse Effects

The following lines of prose cleverly arranged as poetry may induce brief clarity, misplaced certainty, and the sense that something has already been decided without your approval ...

By seventy you know which doors you walked past without opening,
can name the rooms you never entered,
hear the echoes anyway.

Read It All

By seventy you know which doors you walked past without opening,
can name the rooms you never entered,
hear the echoes anyway.

The years do not accuse.
They simply pile up like newspapers you meant to read,
each one carrying news that is no longer news.

You think: I should have said that differently.
I should have stayed. I should have gone.
The mind is efficient this way,
filing the same cases under the same wrong headings,
finding them again at 3 a.m. in perfect order.

What surprises is not the weight of it
but the patience —
how regret waits,
how it has nowhere else to be,
how it sits across from you at breakfast
and asks for nothing,
knowing you will offer it everything
on your own.

The body slows.
The catalog does not.
You carry the unlived lives
the way old houses carry
the smell of people who are gone —
not haunting exactly,
just present,
just there,
just refusing
the simple courtesy
of leaving.