religion Archives - Page 7 of 9 - Postcards from The Pug Bus

Postcards from The Pug Bus

Lifting a satirical leg on popular culture

Persons in the Ether

Question of the Week

Passion or stability?

MD

Mavis Drouk, emotional escrow officer

Believed to be near Harrisburg, PA

Stability. Passion is what people choose when they still believe a staircase can be made entirely of sparks. Stability may not sing outside your window, but it does remember where the insurance cards are.

RC

Rufus Clenn, freelance thunder consultant

Last reported west of Tulsa, OK

Passion, obviously. Stability is just boredom wearing shoes with arch support. I want life to arrive late, smell faintly of lightning, and explain nothing until several lamps have been broken.

NV

Nora Vell, deputy curator of small regrets

Possibly sheltering in Eugene, OR

Passion is useful for beginnings, stability for the paperwork afterward. I prefer both in moderation, which is another way of saying I would like to be ruined briefly and then driven home safely.

God Scorns Windows Vista, Sues Microsoft

Biff Scuzzy religion 19 years

HEAVEN – Windows Vista, Microsoft’s controversial new operating system, has incurred the wrath of God. The Supreme Power User, operating through his purchasing agent, the… Read More

Sylvester Stallone Says God Wrote Rocky

philmaggitti religion 19 years

LOS ANGELES – Rocky Balboa climbing off the canvas. Jesus Christ climbing out of the tomb. Mere similarities with no causal connection? Not according to… Read More

Celebrity Shockers Religion

God Not Attending Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes Wedding

Chip Hilton religion, Tom Cruise 19 years

VATICAN CITY – God issued a brief press release yesterday explaining that he won’t attend the wedding of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes because he… Read More

Windows Vista Offends Special Interest Groups

philmaggitti religion 20 years

ATLANTA – In addition to the usual security problems, the Microsoft corporation’s latest operating system, Windows Vista, has some patching to do with special interest… Read More

God Denies Role in Anna Nicole Smith Commitment Ceremony

Biff Scuzzy religion 20 years

NASSAU, Bahamas – The Lord God Almighty denied playing any role in the recent commitment ceremony between former stripper Anna Nicole Smith and her boyfriend-attorney,… Read More

God at Wit’s End over Dispute between Israel and Hezbollah

philmaggitti religion 20 years

NEW YORK – The Lord God Almighty declared yesterday that He is “damn sick and tired of hearing about that whole mess between Israel and… Read More

Jesus Entering Fewer Hearts This Year

philmaggitti religion 20 years

OPP, Ala. – Explaining that he was “tired of saying yes to every loser with his you-know-what in a wringer,” the Lord God Jesus Christ… Read More

Pope John Paul II Fails to Deliver Miracles

Biff Scuzzy religion 20 years

ROME – This time last year the late Pope John Paul II appeared to be on the fast track to sainthood. Reports of two miracles… Read More

The Pug Bus Breaking News

The Pug Bus Breaking News requires no email address, no mother's maiden name, no first pet's nickname, and no DNA sample. You simply mash the link below and read.

Deliver It

⚡ Scholars at the Royal Institute for the Advancement of Obvious Things have concluded, after eleven years of exhaustive inquiry, that people who speak at great length in meetings do not thereby become more correct. The findings have been submitted to a committee for review.

⚡ It has been determined by authorities in several jurisdictions that the phrase "I just want to be honest with you" reliably precedes the portion of the conversation one would most prefer not to have. Legislation is pending.

⚡ The Bureau of Perpetual Reassessment has announced that this is not, in fact, the most divided the nation has ever been, a distinction that continues to belong to a prior era when the disagreements concerned rather more consequential matters and people occasionally died over them.

Adverse Effects

The following lines of prose cleverly arranged as poetry may induce brief clarity, misplaced certainty, and the sense that something has already been decided without your approval ...

By seventy you know which doors you walked past without opening,
can name the rooms you never entered,
hear the echoes anyway.

Read It All

By seventy you know which doors you walked past without opening,
can name the rooms you never entered,
hear the echoes anyway.

The years do not accuse.
They simply pile up like newspapers you meant to read,
each one carrying news that is no longer news.

You think: I should have said that differently.
I should have stayed. I should have gone.
The mind is efficient this way,
filing the same cases under the same wrong headings,
finding them again at 3 a.m. in perfect order.

What surprises is not the weight of it
but the patience —
how regret waits,
how it has nowhere else to be,
how it sits across from you at breakfast
and asks for nothing,
knowing you will offer it everything
on your own.

The body slows.
The catalog does not.
You carry the unlived lives
the way old houses carry
the smell of people who are gone —
not haunting exactly,
just present,
just there,
just refusing
the simple courtesy
of leaving.