religion Archives - Page 6 of 9 - Postcards from The Pug Bus

Postcards from The Pug Bus

Lifting a satirical leg on popular culture

Persons in the Ether

Question of the Week

Passion or stability?

MD

Mavis Drouk, emotional escrow officer

Believed to be near Harrisburg, PA

Stability. Passion is what people choose when they still believe a staircase can be made entirely of sparks. Stability may not sing outside your window, but it does remember where the insurance cards are.

RC

Rufus Clenn, freelance thunder consultant

Last reported west of Tulsa, OK

Passion, obviously. Stability is just boredom wearing shoes with arch support. I want life to arrive late, smell faintly of lightning, and explain nothing until several lamps have been broken.

NV

Nora Vell, deputy curator of small regrets

Possibly sheltering in Eugene, OR

Passion is useful for beginnings, stability for the paperwork afterward. I prefer both in moderation, which is another way of saying I would like to be ruined briefly and then driven home safely.

God Installs Caller ID and Verizon Corporate Package

philmaggitti religion 16 years

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Because of the overwhelming number of prayers received in the weeks before the deaths of Terri Schaivo and Pope John Paul… Read More

Pope Benedict XVI Approves Pig Latin Mass

philmaggitti religion 16 years

VATICAN CITY — Following months of speculation, Pope Benedict XVI announced the elimination of restrictions on the use of Pig Latin in the conduct of… Read More

God Questions Existence of Rainbow Bridge

philmaggitti religion 17 years

HEAVEN – Pet owners took one in the shorts from The Lord God Almighty today when He issued a press release in which He questioned… Read More

Microsoft Acquires Christian Software Firm

philmaggitti religion 17 years

REDMOND – Wash. – Microsoft’s CEO Bill Gates announced yesterday that his company had acquired Endtimes! Software, the leading Christian software producer in Alabama. Endtimes!,… Read More

Skype Outage Only the Beginning Warns an Angry God

philmaggitti religion 19 years

LUXEMBOURG – God has claimed full responsibility for the mysterious Skype outage that left an estimated five to six million of his subjects unable to… Read More

Celebrity Shockers Religion

Paris Hilton Interview Denied by Jesus

philmaggitti Paris Hilton, religion 19 years

LOS ANGELES – Hoping to preempt Paris Hilton’s sure-to-come assertion that it was her discovery of Jesus Christ, and Mr. Christ’s discovery of her, that… Read More

Chocolate Jesus Part Stolen, Display Canceled

Biff Scuzzy religion 19 years

Someone stole a key component from the nude, anatomically ambitious chocolate sculpture of Jesus Christ that had been scheduled to go on display in New… Read More

Sarah Silverman Snub Has God Lovers Fuming

philmaggitti religion 19 years

NEW YORK – Sarah Silverman has had her last orgasm if God’s followers have anything to say about it. Friends of the Big Guy are… Read More

The Pug Bus Breaking News

The Pug Bus Breaking News requires no email address, no mother's maiden name, no first pet's nickname, and no DNA sample. You simply mash the link below and read.

Deliver It

⚡ Scholars at the Royal Institute for the Advancement of Obvious Things have concluded, after eleven years of exhaustive inquiry, that people who speak at great length in meetings do not thereby become more correct. The findings have been submitted to a committee for review.

⚡ It has been determined by authorities in several jurisdictions that the phrase "I just want to be honest with you" reliably precedes the portion of the conversation one would most prefer not to have. Legislation is pending.

⚡ The Bureau of Perpetual Reassessment has announced that this is not, in fact, the most divided the nation has ever been, a distinction that continues to belong to a prior era when the disagreements concerned rather more consequential matters and people occasionally died over them.

Adverse Effects

The following lines of prose cleverly arranged as poetry may induce brief clarity, misplaced certainty, and the sense that something has already been decided without your approval ...

By seventy you know which doors you walked past without opening,
can name the rooms you never entered,
hear the echoes anyway.

Read It All

By seventy you know which doors you walked past without opening,
can name the rooms you never entered,
hear the echoes anyway.

The years do not accuse.
They simply pile up like newspapers you meant to read,
each one carrying news that is no longer news.

You think: I should have said that differently.
I should have stayed. I should have gone.
The mind is efficient this way,
filing the same cases under the same wrong headings,
finding them again at 3 a.m. in perfect order.

What surprises is not the weight of it
but the patience —
how regret waits,
how it has nowhere else to be,
how it sits across from you at breakfast
and asks for nothing,
knowing you will offer it everything
on your own.

The body slows.
The catalog does not.
You carry the unlived lives
the way old houses carry
the smell of people who are gone —
not haunting exactly,
just present,
just there,
just refusing
the simple courtesy
of leaving.