Chip Hilton, Author at Postcards from The Pug Bus - Page 12 of 27

Postcards from The Pug Bus

Lifting a satirical leg on popular culture

Persons in the Ether

Question of the Week

Passion or stability?

MD

Mavis Drouk, emotional escrow officer

Believed to be near Harrisburg, PA

Stability. Passion is what people choose when they still believe a staircase can be made entirely of sparks. Stability may not sing outside your window, but it does remember where the insurance cards are.

RC

Rufus Clenn, freelance thunder consultant

Last reported west of Tulsa, OK

Passion, obviously. Stability is just boredom wearing shoes with arch support. I want life to arrive late, smell faintly of lightning, and explain nothing until several lamps have been broken.

NV

Nora Vell, deputy curator of small regrets

Possibly sheltering in Eugene, OR

Passion is useful for beginnings, stability for the paperwork afterward. I prefer both in moderation, which is another way of saying I would like to be ruined briefly and then driven home safely.

Celebrity Shockers

Angelina Jolie Offended by Virgin Mary Wal-Mart Painting

Chip Hilton Britney Spears 19 years

LOS ANGELES – Angelina Jolie is offended by a painting that depicts her as the Virgin Mary hovering in a cloud over a Wal-Mart checkout… Read More

Celebrity Shockers

Britney Spears, Dick Clark Top New Year’s Wrap Up

Chip Hilton Britney Spears 19 years

LOS ANGELES – Britney Spears suffers from a rare form of narcolepsy. Dick Clark still talks funny. These are the top stories of the new… Read More

Mel Gibson to Star as Saddam Hussein in Iraq to the Future

Chip Hilton 19 years

MALIBU – Mel Gibson is set to star as Saddam Hussein in Iraq to the Future, a small-budget indie film about life in Iraq as it… Read More

Celebrity Shockers

Britney Spears Tops Paris Hilton, You as Person of the Year

Chip Hilton Britney Spears, Paris Hilton 19 years

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Britney Spears is the Postcards from the Pus Bus 2006 Person of the Year. Ms. Spears captured the title hands down,… Read More

President Bush Asked Angelina Jolie to Attend Saddam Hussein Hanging

Chip Hilton 19 years

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Hoping to maximize the public relations bounce from the news of Saddam Hussein’s hanging, President Bush had planned to ask Angelina Jolie… Read More

Rosie O’Donnell Attacks Betty Ford, James Brown

Chip Hilton 19 years

NEW YORK – Rosie O’Donnell, basking in the attention generated by her feud with Donald Trump, has attacked Betty Ford and the late James Brown.… Read More

Celebrity Shockers

Lindsay Lohan Accused of Plagiarism

Chip Hilton Lindsay Lohan 19 years

HOLLYWOOD – Lindsay Lohan has been accused of plagiarism by an eighth grade student in Omaha, Nebraska. The student, Shelly Atwater, is a member of… Read More

Celebrity Shockers

Pamela Anderson Says Kid Rock Didn’t Measure Up to Tommy Lee

Chip Hilton 19 years

LOS ANGELES – A tearful Pamela Anderson wrote on her website yesterday that no matter how many times she married Kid Rock, he came up… Read More

The Pug Bus Breaking News

The Pug Bus Breaking News requires no email address, no mother's maiden name, no first pet's nickname, and no DNA sample. You simply mash the link below and read.

Deliver It

⚡ Scholars at the Royal Institute for the Advancement of Obvious Things have concluded, after eleven years of exhaustive inquiry, that people who speak at great length in meetings do not thereby become more correct. The findings have been submitted to a committee for review.

⚡ It has been determined by authorities in several jurisdictions that the phrase "I just want to be honest with you" reliably precedes the portion of the conversation one would most prefer not to have. Legislation is pending.

⚡ The Bureau of Perpetual Reassessment has announced that this is not, in fact, the most divided the nation has ever been, a distinction that continues to belong to a prior era when the disagreements concerned rather more consequential matters and people occasionally died over them.

Adverse Effects

The following lines of prose cleverly arranged as poetry may induce brief clarity, misplaced certainty, and the sense that something has already been decided without your approval ...

By seventy you know which doors you walked past without opening,
can name the rooms you never entered,
hear the echoes anyway.

Read It All

By seventy you know which doors you walked past without opening,
can name the rooms you never entered,
hear the echoes anyway.

The years do not accuse.
They simply pile up like newspapers you meant to read,
each one carrying news that is no longer news.

You think: I should have said that differently.
I should have stayed. I should have gone.
The mind is efficient this way,
filing the same cases under the same wrong headings,
finding them again at 3 a.m. in perfect order.

What surprises is not the weight of it
but the patience —
how regret waits,
how it has nowhere else to be,
how it sits across from you at breakfast
and asks for nothing,
knowing you will offer it everything
on your own.

The body slows.
The catalog does not.
You carry the unlived lives
the way old houses carry
the smell of people who are gone —
not haunting exactly,
just present,
just there,
just refusing
the simple courtesy
of leaving.