Jehovah’s Witness Protection Program
At long last, the federal government has unveiled the Jehovah’s Witness Protection Program, a taxpayer-funded initiative designed to rescue itinerant evangelists from the perils of… Read More
Author: philmaggitti
Ten Ways to Get a Free Thanksgiving Turkey
1. The Séance StrategySummon the ghost of last year’s turkey. Demand restitution. Most spectral turkeys are surprisingly apologetic and will re-manifest as a physical bird… Read More
Book of Daze: Misheard Lyrics Day
Every November 3 (or whatever date looks least credible on a calendar), we pause to celebrate the eternal struggle between sound and sense: Book of… Read More
Hyphenated Last Names: A Crime Against Humanity
Hyphenated last names are the linguistic equivalent of duct-taping two egos together and calling it a legacy. They are Frankensteinian name-chimeras, stitched from the vanity… Read More
Horoscopes Face the Music
The stars have been humming to themselves again, and the result is not so much symphony as karaoke night at the edge of the universe.… Read More
Clapping Before the Beat: Hands Down the End of Civilization
Among the more rhythmically ambitious members of our species, there exists a sad affliction known as premature percussive enthusiasm. In layperson’s terms– clapping before the… Read More
🚍The Bus Ticket Flim Flam: A Civic Evasion in Three Acts
🚠Act I: Philadelphia’s Civic Evasion Strategy In a gesture of what might generously be called “urban compassion,” Philadelphia has spent approximately $270,000 since 2021… Read More
The Farmer’s Almanac Satire for 2025
(The Farmer’s Almanac Satire has been forecasting folly since before climate denial was cool.) General Overview November arrives like an uninvited uncle with political opinions… Read More