Celebrity Shockers | Outrageous Celebrity Moments, Arrests & Meltdowns

Postcards from The Pug Bus

Lifting a satirical leg on popular culture

Persons in the Ether

Question of the Week

Passion or stability?

Mavis Drouk, emotional escrow officer

Believed to be near Harrisburg, PA

Stability. Passion is what people choose when they still believe a staircase can be made entirely of sparks. Stability may not sing outside your window, but it does remember where the insurance cards are.

Rufus Clenn, freelance thunder consultant

Last reported west of Tulsa, OK

Passion, obviously. Stability is just boredom wearing shoes with arch support. I want life to arrive late, smell faintly of lightning, and explain nothing until several lamps have been broken.

Nora Vell, deputy curator of small regrets

Possibly sheltering in Eugene, OR

Passion is useful for beginnings, stability for the paperwork afterward. I prefer both in moderation, which is another way of saying I would like to be ruined briefly and then driven home safely.

Celebrity Shockers

Angelina Jolie Losing Body Mass, Cooling Off Significantly

Chip Hilton 19 years

BOSTON – Angelina Jolie is losing mass and cooling off at a significant rate, observers at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) report. Their findings,… Read More

Celebrity Shockers

Britney Spears Changing Sons’ Names to William and Harry

Chip Hilton Britney Spears 19 years

LOS ANGELES – Britney Spears filed a petition in a Los Angeles court yesterday seeking to change the names of her sons to William and… Read More

Celebrity Shockers

Lindsay Lohan Elle Interview Recalls Happier Times

philmaggitti Lindsay Lohan 19 years

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – If it’s August, Lindsay Lohan is selling magazines for Elle. For the second August in a row another issue of Elle featuring the fully… Read More

Celebrity Shockers

Britney Spears’ New CD in Starbucks Tuesday

philmaggitti Britney Spears 19 years

LOS ANGELES – The long-awaited new Britney Spears CD, Here I Come Again, will go on sale at all Starbucks outlets around the world on Tuesday.… Read More

Celebrity Shockers

Lindsay Lohan Rules in I Know Who Killed Me

Chip Hilton Lindsay Lohan 19 years

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Lindsay Lohan rules the screen in Tri Star Pictures I Know Who Killed Me in which she plays Aubrey Fleming, an aspiring actress… Read More

Celebrity Shockers

Lindsay Lohan Innocent of Cocaine Possession Says LAPD

Chip Hilton Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan 19 years

LOS ANGELES – Lindsay Lohan, who was arrested for cocaine possession and driving under the influence of alcohol Tuesday, has been cleared of the cocaine… Read More

A satirical lineup of four Lindsay Lohan look-alikes posing in chic outfits while holding stylized police placards under paparazzi flashes against a red backdrop, illustrating the glam-trash spirit of celebrity shockers.

Celebrity Shockers presents: Mugshot Fashion Week — where every arrest is a runway moment.

Celebrity Shockers

Lindsay Lohan Arrested for DUI Again, Exclusive Timeline

philmaggitti Britney Spears, celebrity shockers, Lindsay Lohan 19 years

Lindsay Lohan arrested for DUI and cocaine possession yesterday, offenses that are, coincidentally, quite similar to the ones that occasioned her surrender to the Beverly… Read More

Celebrity Shockers

Tom Cruise Brokered Spice Girls Reunion

Chip Hilton Britney Spears, celebrity shockers, Lindsay Lohan, Tom Cruise 19 years

LOS ANGELES – The Spice Girls are reuniting for a world tour, and we can thank Tom Cruise for that. The diminutive actor is rumored… Read More

The Pug Bus Breaking News

The Pug Bus Breaking News requires no email address, no mother's maiden name, no first pet's nickname, and no DNA sample. You simply mash the link below and read.

Deliver It

⚡ Scholars at the Royal Institute for the Advancement of Obvious Things have concluded, after eleven years of exhaustive inquiry, that people who speak at great length in meetings do not thereby become more correct. The findings have been submitted to a committee for review.

⚡ It has been determined by authorities in several jurisdictions that the phrase "I just want to be honest with you" reliably precedes the portion of the conversation one would most prefer not to have. Legislation is pending.

⚡ The Bureau of Perpetual Reassessment has announced that this is not, in fact, the most divided the nation has ever been, a distinction that continues to belong to a prior era when the disagreements concerned rather more consequential matters and people occasionally died over them.

Adverse Effects

The following lines of prose cleverly arranged as poetry may induce brief clarity, misplaced certainty, and the sense that something has already been decided without your approval ...

By seventy you know which doors you walked past without opening,
can name the rooms you never entered,
hear the echoes anyway.

Read It All

By seventy you know which doors you walked past without opening,
can name the rooms you never entered,
hear the echoes anyway.

The years do not accuse.
They simply pile up like newspapers you meant to read,
each one carrying news that is no longer news.

You think: I should have said that differently.
I should have stayed. I should have gone.
The mind is efficient this way,
filing the same cases under the same wrong headings,
finding them again at 3 a.m. in perfect order.

What surprises is not the weight of it
but the patience —
how regret waits,
how it has nowhere else to be,
how it sits across from you at breakfast
and asks for nothing,
knowing you will offer it everything
on your own.

The body slows.
The catalog does not.
You carry the unlived lives
the way old houses carry
the smell of people who are gone —
not haunting exactly,
just present,
just there,
just refusing
the simple courtesy
of leaving.