Celebrity Shockers | Outrageous Celebrity Moments, Arrests & Meltdowns

Postcards from The Pug Bus

Lifting a satirical leg on popular culture

Persons in the Ether

Question of the Week

Passion or stability?

Mavis Drouk, emotional escrow officer

Believed to be near Harrisburg, PA

Stability. Passion is what people choose when they still believe a staircase can be made entirely of sparks. Stability may not sing outside your window, but it does remember where the insurance cards are.

Rufus Clenn, freelance thunder consultant

Last reported west of Tulsa, OK

Passion, obviously. Stability is just boredom wearing shoes with arch support. I want life to arrive late, smell faintly of lightning, and explain nothing until several lamps have been broken.

Nora Vell, deputy curator of small regrets

Possibly sheltering in Eugene, OR

Passion is useful for beginnings, stability for the paperwork afterward. I prefer both in moderation, which is another way of saying I would like to be ruined briefly and then driven home safely.

Celebrity Shockers

Paris Hilton Blames Mother for Monks’ Mandala Massacre

philmaggitti Paris Hilton 19 years

HOLLYWOOD – Sri Paris Hilton said yesterday that “God will punish” the mother of the little boy who turfed a sand mandala on the floor… Read More

Celebrity Shockers

Antonella Barba Enters Rehab

Chip Hilton rehab 19 years

WARMINSTER, Penna. – After being sent down by American Idol voters last night, Antonella Barba announced through her publicist that she would enter the Bucks County Hospital… Read More

Cartoon-style illustration of an empty jail cell with cracked beige walls, barred window, metal bed frame, and toilet—evoking confinement and solitude, conceptually linked to the Paris Hilton jail experience.

Paris Hilton? A ghost of glam incarceration lingers. Her empty cell has seen more fake tears and rhinestone remorse than a Bravo reunion special.

Celebrity Shockers

Paris Hilton Fired Publicist, Astrologer, Chef

philmaggitti Paris Hilton 19 years

Paris Hilton, 26, has come out swinging after being sentenced to spend forty-five days behind bars. Paris Hilton Fired Publicist, Astrologer, Chef, said a recent… Read More

Celebrity Shockers

Paris Hilton Begs President Bush for Pardon

Biff Scuzzy Paris Hilton 19 years

LOS ANGELES – A desperate Paris Hilton has faxed a personal request to President George W. Bush, asking him to set aside her jail sentence… Read More

Celebrity Shockers Sporting Life

Lindsay Lohan Falls in NFL Draft

Chip Hilton Lindsay Lohan 19 years

NEW YORK – Lindsay Lohan, once considered the potential number one pick in this year’s NFL draft, lingered on the board yesterday like a dingleberry… Read More

Celebrity Shockers

Hugh Grant Arrested for Spilling the Beans at Photographer

philmaggitti 19 years

LONDON – Hugh Grant was arrested and questioned by police yesterday after he had allegedly littered the road near his West London house with the… Read More

Celebrity Shockers

Britney Spears Denies That She’s Broke

Chip Hilton Britney Spears 19 years

MALIBU – Britney Spears is broke. Months of non-stop drinking and shopping, coupled with binge eating, purging, and serious brown Persian heroin and cocaine abuse… Read More

Celebrity Shockers

Tom Cruise Challenges Global Warming Report

Chip Hilton celebrity shockers, Tom Cruise 19 years

LOS ANGELES – Tom Cruise dismissed the global warming report issued by the United Nations as “a load of pseudo-scientific hooey” that offers “temporary bromides”… Read More

The Pug Bus Breaking News

The Pug Bus Breaking News requires no email address, no mother's maiden name, no first pet's nickname, and no DNA sample. You simply mash the link below and read.

Deliver It

⚡ Scholars at the Royal Institute for the Advancement of Obvious Things have concluded, after eleven years of exhaustive inquiry, that people who speak at great length in meetings do not thereby become more correct. The findings have been submitted to a committee for review.

⚡ It has been determined by authorities in several jurisdictions that the phrase "I just want to be honest with you" reliably precedes the portion of the conversation one would most prefer not to have. Legislation is pending.

⚡ The Bureau of Perpetual Reassessment has announced that this is not, in fact, the most divided the nation has ever been, a distinction that continues to belong to a prior era when the disagreements concerned rather more consequential matters and people occasionally died over them.

Adverse Effects

The following lines of prose cleverly arranged as poetry may induce brief clarity, misplaced certainty, and the sense that something has already been decided without your approval ...

By seventy you know which doors you walked past without opening,
can name the rooms you never entered,
hear the echoes anyway.

Read It All

By seventy you know which doors you walked past without opening,
can name the rooms you never entered,
hear the echoes anyway.

The years do not accuse.
They simply pile up like newspapers you meant to read,
each one carrying news that is no longer news.

You think: I should have said that differently.
I should have stayed. I should have gone.
The mind is efficient this way,
filing the same cases under the same wrong headings,
finding them again at 3 a.m. in perfect order.

What surprises is not the weight of it
but the patience —
how regret waits,
how it has nowhere else to be,
how it sits across from you at breakfast
and asks for nothing,
knowing you will offer it everything
on your own.

The body slows.
The catalog does not.
You carry the unlived lives
the way old houses carry
the smell of people who are gone —
not haunting exactly,
just present,
just there,
just refusing
the simple courtesy
of leaving.