Tuesday, February 20, 2024
Celebrities

First Anna Nicole Smith Sightings Reported

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HOLLYWOOD, Fla. – Anna Nicole Smith was spotted by a grieving fan at a local convenience store early this morning. Ms. Smith, who died on February 8 at the Seminole Hard Rock Hotel and Casino in Hollywood, was seen approaching the ATM at the Winn-Dixie store in the Emerald Woods Plaza.

“I recognized her as soon as I seen her,” said Tammi Lynn Joyce, 22, who had driven eleven hundred miles non-stop from her mobile home in Waco, Texas, “just so’s I could be closer to Vickie Lynn in spirit. Vickie Lynn’s what her friends call her, you know?”

According to Ms. Joyce, “It was right after I pulled into the parking lot that I seen her. She was dressed all in white from head to toe—tight-fitting white jeans with the initials ANSin sequins across her butt and a gorgeous white cashmere top with a scooped neck that showed off her cleavage. She was even more beautiful in person than she is in pictures.

“I called out, ‘Hey Vickie Lynn.’ She turned around and looked right at me as if she recognized me from all the letters I sent her. Then she smiled and disappeared.”

Ms. Joyce ran inside the Winn-Dixie to ask if anyone in the store had spoken to Ms. Smith. Soon afterward the night manager, Deepak Chandrasekaran, summoned police.

“That crazy woman frightening customers,” said Mr. Chandrasekaran, who recently moved to Hollywood from New Delhi, where he had worked for Microsoft in technical support. “I tell her no one with spangles on her body pay for SlimFast shake in here. Maybe her friend with the spangled booty steal the shake.”

Ms. Joyce was detained briefly by the police and then released. No charges were filed. She told a reporter on her way to her car that she hoped to get a job at the Seminole Hard Rock Hotel and Casino.

“It would mean so much to me,” said Ms. Joyce. “I’ve patterned myself after Vickie Lynn. I left high school in tenth grade to get a job in a fried chicken place just like she did, and soon as I save up enough money, I’m gonna have my boobs done like hers.”

In related news, a guest at the Hard Rock Hotel reported seeing “a woman in an orange bikini who looked just like Anna Nicole Smith” in the hallway outside his room about 5:00 a.m. today.

“I’da known her anywhere,” said Frank Swain of Pittsfield, Massachusetts. “My wife and I was looking at the big photo spread of her in THEM Weekly on the tour bus coming down. When I said, ‘Yo, Anna Nicole,’ she ran down the hallway and into the stair well. I’ll tell you this, her knockers look as awesome in person as they did in the magazine.”    

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