How to Avoid Selfie Deaths and Darwin Awards
In loving memory of the “brave” souls who met selfie deaths while chasing the perfect angle but meeting the ultimate exposure instead.
Selfie Deaths, #1
Historians of the absurd agree that the first recorded selfie death occurred on June 3, 1914, when Percival “Pip” Danderline of Peoria attempted to photograph himself in front of a passing zeppelin.
Armed with a collapsible Brownie and an inflated sense of self-regard, Pip leaned too far over the parapet of his boardinghouse roof in search of the ideal composition—an image that would, he hoped, “capture the spirit of man aloft.” It did, briefly.
His final frame, later developed by the coroner, revealed no zeppelin–just an exquisite blur of sky, boot sole, and artistic hubris. The local newspaper called it a tragedy for both art and gravity.
Following in Pip’s Footsteps
Pip’s death would later inspire thousands of imitators, some of whom perished while photographing themselves with bears and other wild creatures, waterfalls, moving vehicles, hand grenades, and active volcanoes, all seeking to improve on Pip’s pioneering example.
According to “Global ‘Death by Selfie’ Database & Statistics (2025)” there were 425 selfie deaths and 82 injuries across 49 countries from March 2014 through June 2024.
How to Avoid Selfie Deaths
In the spirit of altruism, the Pug Bus offers the following suggestions for surviving a brush with digital immortality. First, remember that cliffs are not filters. They do not enhance your profile; they delete it.
Second, avoid taking selfies near bodies of water, especially if you are in or on one of them.
Third, when photographing dangerous animals, make certain that they have already posted their own content warning.
Fourth, should you find yourself thinking, This will look amazing if I lean just a little farther, pause to write your epitaph instead. It will save time later.
Above all, consider that true enlightenment lies not in capturing your reflection but in escaping it. Set the phone down. Blink freely. Allow the wind to rearrange your hair without documenting the process.
Remember Percival Danderline, patron saint of fatal framing, and repeat his immortal last words: “Just one more—”
For more red-hot dispatches from a culture in decline, click here and duck for cover.
