postcards from the pug bus

postcards from the pug bus

lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004

. . . . . Only Jesus pardons more than Joe Biden . . . . . "The truth is hate to those who hate the truth." (Stormfront) . . . . . too many presenters on YouTube have faces made for radio . . . . . "Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.” (Eleanor Roosevelt) . . . . . a level playing field lifts no boats . . . . . the best arguments against reincarnation are first grade and first wives . . . . . familiarity breeds . . . . . whether you think you can or you can't, you're right . . . . . song stuck in local man's head wants out . . . . . the unexamined life is not worth examining . . . . . well begun is, well, begun . . . . . if it's statistically impossible, it's impossible . . . . . no one gives a shit about your pronouns . . . . . as one gets old, old times' sake is the only sake left . . . . . less is more only if more is out to lunch . . . . .
Celebrities

Jennifer Lopez Adds SPAM Lingerie to Sweetface Line

Chip Hilton 438 Views 3 min read

HOLLYWOOD – Jennifer Lopez and Hormel Foods announced today that the singer-actress-fashionista will introduce edible lingerie made of SPAM to her Sweetface fashion line in time for Valentine’s Day. The edible garments will include bikini panties, thongs, bras, and revealing one-piece lounge wear. “The continuing popularity of J-Lo and low carb foods makes SPAM lingerie Read More

Celebrities

Lindsay Lohan Dumps Coke for D.A.R.E.

Chip Hilton 439 Views 3 min read

HOLLYWOOD – Having returned from the brink of ninety-eight-pound extinction, Lindsay Lohan has agreed to do a public service announcement for D.A.R.E. (Drug Abuse Resistance Education) that warns of the evils of Coke. The singer-actress, now a radiant 107 pounds, signed on to do the announcement after kicking a yearlong addiction to Diet Coke. “Things Read More

Celebrities

Jessica Simpson Blames Split on Mensa Society

philmaggitti 498 Views 3 min read

HOLLYWOOD – In a statement released today, Jessica Simpson blamed Mensa, the high IQ society, for her split with Nick Lachey, her husband of three years. Simpson, 25, star of Newlyweds and The Dukes of Hazzard, claimed that her involvement with Mensa was “the straw in the ointment” that doomed her already shaky union with Lachey, 32. “My Read More

Politics

President Bush Says War Critics Can Still Be Patriotic

Biff Scuzzy 450 Views 2 min read

BEIJING – President Bush told reporters yesterday that members of congress who criticize the war in Iraq can still be patriotic. The president’s declaration came after more than a week of harsh rhetoric from some administration officials seeking to demean congressmen or women who oppose the conduct of the war. The vitriolic attacks reached their Read More

Celebrities

Britney Spears Launches Anti-war Protest

philmaggitti 442 Views 2 min read

MALIBU, Calif. – Pop icon Britney Spears has vowed to stop wearing a bra in public and to refrain from having sex with her husband Kevin Federline until President George W. Bush brings U.S. troops home from Iraq. Spears told reporters outside a veterinarian’s office in Malibu earlier this week that she had gotten the Read More

Celebrities

Nicole Richie Writes Book, Vows to Read One Next

philmaggitti 459 Views 3 min read

HOLLYWOOD – Having had the pleasure of seeing The Truth About Diamonds, her first book, published, Nicole Richie told US Weekly that now that she understands “how books are made” she is less intimidated by them and “definitely” plans to read one soon. “I always thought people who wrote books were like supersmart,” said Richie before a book Read More

Religion

Home School Movement Needs Metal Detectors, Says Pat Robertson

philmaggitti 646 Views 2 min read

VIRGINIA BEACH, Vir. – Calling the shooting deaths of Michael and Cathryn Borden “the home schooling movement’s very own Columbine,” televangelist Pat Robertson urged parents who home school their children to install metal detectors in their houses. The Bordens, both 50, who home schooled the three youngest of their five children, resided near the village Read More

Technology

Newest Sony Software Will Limit CD Plays

philmaggitti 495 Views 3 min read

NEW YORK – Fingering consumers who play the same CD repeatedly as the latest threat to profits, Sony BMG music corporation is introducing new digital rights management (DRM) software that will limit the number of times CDs can be played by purchasers. Beginning next Tuesday all new CDs released on the Sony BMG label—which is Read More

News

Tara Reid Still Celebrating Birthday

philmaggitti 432 Views 2 min read

LOS ANGELES – Tara Reid, who turned thirty yesterday, is still toasting the occasion. Reid’s marathon birthday party, which began around sundown Monday, was in its thirty-eighth hour when Reid was sighted staggering out of an after-hours club this morning with Paris Hilton and Kevin Federline in tow. Recently crowned the biggest party animal in Read More

Celebrities

Tom Cruise Fires His Sister over Antidepressant Use

Chip Hilton 458 Views 2 min read

HOLLYWOOD – Scientologist Tom Cruise fired his sister and publicist, Lee Anne DeVette, yesterday after he had learned she is taking Lexapro, a popular antidepressant. DeVette’s drug use was discovered by Cruise’ fiance, Katie Holmes, who found a bottle of Lexapro in DeVette’s medicine cabinet last weekend while looking for an emery board. “We regret Read More

Sporting Life

Terrell Owens Suspended by Monday Night Football

philmaggitti 443 Views 2 min read

NEW YORK – Monday Night Football has suspended Philadelphia Eagles wide receiver Terrell Owens indefinitely for conduct detrimental to its commercials. Owens, who appeared in an infamous skit with Desperate Housewives star Nicollette Sheridan preceding an MNF telecast last November, was scheduled to appear in a follow-up to that controversial advert this year. The sequel Read More

News

Vincent Gallo Swimming Upstream with Sperm Offer

Chip Hilton 436 Views 3 min read

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Ignoring the historically poor performance records of sperm banks, indie film actor Vincent Gallo is offering to sell his sperm for $1 million. According to Gallo’s official website, that price covers “all costs related to attempt at an in vitro fertilization.” The price does not include naming rights, however. Any child Read More

News

Chicken Little Stricken with Avian Flu

philmaggitti 440 Views 2 min read

DISNEYLAND – What was to be a triumphant weekend debut for Walt Disney Studios Chicken Little was marred by the news that the hero of this newly released animated feature has been stricken with the Asian bird flu. Therefore, instead of crowing, Disney issued a tersely worded press release today, confirming rumors that had been flying around Read More