horoscopes Archives - Page 11 of 23 - Postcards from The Pug Bus

The lion in sequins has taken center stage in the kitchen in this illustration for free horoscopes, roaring with theatrical flair while houseplants beam and minor deities bask in reverence

“Oh no, not I, I will survive. Oh, as long as I know how to love, I know I'll stay alive.”

Free Horoscopes to Good Homes

Welcome, seeker of free horoscopes and questionable life advice. The stars are drunk, the toaster is clapping, and your destiny just tripped over a houseplant.… Read More

Our homemade horoscopes are straight from the oven of destiny.

Horoscopes

Homemade Horoscopes to Keep You in Stitches

philmaggitti horoscopes 7 months

It is a grim business being a mortal today. The stars are not aligned; they have gone on strike. I begged them for cosmic guidance,… Read More

When your horoscope says “look to the stars” and you take it way too literally.

Horoscopes

Your Daily Unhinged Horoscopes

philmaggitti horoscopes 7 months

(Ahoy. The stars are drunk, the moon is in a mood, and the cosmos just texted “lol good luck.” Let us dive into your unhinged… Read More

A cartoon-style illustration of a flushed, disheveled man clinging to a glowing lamppost under a starry night sky, visibly drunk with a wine glass in hand and bubbles floating above his head. His tie is askew, his eyes half-closed, and his posture slumped, suggesting cosmic inebriation. The lamppost casts warm light on cobblestones below, while distant stars twinkle in quiet judgment. The scene evokes a whimsical yet chaotic mood—a true celestial nightmare.

"I seen 'em do dis on TV."

Horoscopes

Horoscopes on the Rocks: A Celestial Nightmare

philmaggitti horoscopes 7 months

(Ohhh, hiccup, the cosmosh ish sloshed. The zzzodiac’sh been sippin’ Nebula Noir and now they’re hiccup burpin’ propheciesh into their goblets. Prepare for a celestial… Read More

A Dear John letter from your horoscope is illustrated by a Pop-art cartoon of the Zodiac clerks at a heavenly “Rejections” counter denying mortals their ridiculous super-power requests.

Super power, my ass. Get outta here, ya reject!

Horoscopes

A Dear John Letter from Your Horoscope

philmaggitti horoscopes 7 months

Why the Dear John letter? Because astrology was never meant to be a cosmic suggestion box for your delusions of grandeur. Yet here we are,… Read More

In this raw dogging adventure illustration we see a painterly illustration of synchronized swimmers performing in a courthouse fountain, with dramatic sky and neoclassical architecture. Swimmers wear green suits and caps, raising arms in joyful chaos beneath a central water jet.

Are you sure Esther Williams started this way?

Horoscopes

Horoscopes for Raw Dogging Adventure

philmaggitti horoscopes 7 months

Raw dogging, at its most raw, is the art of facing life without prophylactic–no prep, no plan, no emotional helmet. It is the spiritual cousin… Read More

A cosmic whiplash horoscope illustration of Aquarius caught in a gust of wind, hair sculpted into the shape of the Eiffel Tower as pigeons scatter and a café sign flaps in the breeze.

An unsuspecting Aquarius stands mid-gust, hair whipped straight up and sculpted into the unmistakable silhouette of the Eiffel Tower.

Horoscopes

Today’s Cosmic Whiplash Horoscope Swerves Off the Rails

philmaggitti horoscopes 7 months

Brace yourself for a cosmic whiplash horoscope that predicts lava-lamp sarcasm, heroic karaoke squeaks, and houseplants staging a leafy revolt against your feng shui. â™ˆ… Read More

Weight not to exceed . . .

Horoscopes

Funny Horoscopes: The Zodiac Unplugged

philmaggitti horoscopes 7 months

Funny Horoscopes: The Zodiac Unplugged is the mother of all comic satire. Boundless helpings of absurd wit dished out family style with the good China… Read More