horoscopes Archives - Page 12 of 23 - Postcards from The Pug Bus

Postcards from The Pug Bus

Lifting a satirical leg on popular culture

Persons in the Ether

Question of the Week

Passion or stability?

MD

Mavis Drouk, emotional escrow officer

Believed to be near Harrisburg, PA

Stability. Passion is what people choose when they still believe a staircase can be made entirely of sparks. Stability may not sing outside your window, but it does remember where the insurance cards are.

RC

Rufus Clenn, freelance thunder consultant

Last reported west of Tulsa, OK

Passion, obviously. Stability is just boredom wearing shoes with arch support. I want life to arrive late, smell faintly of lightning, and explain nothing until several lamps have been broken.

NV

Nora Vell, deputy curator of small regrets

Possibly sheltering in Eugene, OR

Passion is useful for beginnings, stability for the paperwork afterward. I prefer both in moderation, which is another way of saying I would like to be ruined briefly and then driven home safely.

Suspicious houseplants in a cozy room, illustrating an apocalyptic horoscopes scene: one sinister fern displays shark-like teeth and hums the Jaws theme, while a nervous cactus looks on.

Trust No Fern: Domestic Espionage in the Age of Chlorophyll

Apocalyptic Horoscopes from the End Times

philmaggitti horoscopes 7 months

Let’s crack open the celestial dumpster and see what the stars coughed up this morning. These Apocalyptic Horoscopes from the End Times are unfiltered transmissions… Read More

Semi-realistic cosmic highway of glowing zodiac wheel with twelve modern vehicles racing under star-lit constellations — hero art for Zodiac Karma Guide 2025.

Your Zodiac Karma Guide, 2025

philmaggitti horoscopes 7 months

Gemstones and lucky colors may have steered your grandmother’s horoscope, but in 2025 the road to enlightenment runs on four wheels. Your Zodiac Karma Guide… Read More

Zodiac Small Appliance Horoscopes illustration of a glowing zodiac wheel of neon blues and oranges where each sign is symbolized by a whimsical household appliance.

Proof that destiny hums, steams, and toasts.

Zodiac Small Appliance Horoscopes

philmaggitti horoscopes 7 months

Many people know that certain gemstones, power phrases, and colors are associated with signs of the zodiac. Only the true stargazer understands, however, the relationships… Read More

Astrological nightmares illustration: a performer abandoned on stage, audience chairs turned away, cat refusing to look.

"I did it my way ..."

Introducing Astrological Nightmares Day

philmaggitti horoscopes 7 months

Today is Astrological Nightmares Day, a holiday no one asked for but everyone deserves. Forget chasing dreams, today your subconscious drags you through the swamp… Read More

Disheveled man in underwear horsing around with his own contradictions, eating cereal from a chipped bowl while staring at silk pajamas on a laptop screen.

"If I had those silk pajamas, my life would finally make sense."

Horsing Around With Horoscopes

philmaggitti horoscopes 7 months

Welcome to today’s cosmic corral, where the stars are horsing around, less interested in guiding your destiny than in trampling your dreams underfoot. Forget divine… Read More

In this keyword horoscopes illustration an ornate golden key with a star-shaped bow floats in a starry night sky, framed by a crescent moon and glowing clouds.

The key to the cosmos, unlocking doors you never knew the universe kept locked.

Keyword Horoscopes

philmaggitti horoscopes 7 months

Keywords, for the computer illiterate, are shiny little bait words that websites toss at Google like glitter at a bachelor party. They are meant to… Read More

Cat breeds horoscopes illustration of a seal point Himalayan cat looking slightly annoyed.

You lookin' at me?

Cat Breeds Horoscopes

philmaggitti horoscopes 7 months

Cats, the ultimate solution for people who cannot have pets, are today’s spirit animals. Cat breeds horoscopes feature their own feline counterparts. Brace yourself for… Read More

Offbeat Zodiac Horoscopes illustration of a funeral scene where a well-dressed man speaks confidently, while horrified mourners listen beside a flower-draped casket.

Offbeat Zodiac Horoscopes

philmaggitti horoscopes 7 months

Welcome to the carnival of cosmic misfires, otherwise known as Offbeat Zodiac Horoscopes–where your fate tumbles from the heavens like a dropped pizza slice, landing… Read More

The Pug Bus Breaking News

The Pug Bus Breaking News requires no email address, no mother's maiden name, no first pet's nickname, and no DNA sample. You simply mash the link below and read.

Deliver It

⚡ Scholars at the Royal Institute for the Advancement of Obvious Things have concluded, after eleven years of exhaustive inquiry, that people who speak at great length in meetings do not thereby become more correct. The findings have been submitted to a committee for review.

⚡ It has been determined by authorities in several jurisdictions that the phrase "I just want to be honest with you" reliably precedes the portion of the conversation one would most prefer not to have. Legislation is pending.

⚡ The Bureau of Perpetual Reassessment has announced that this is not, in fact, the most divided the nation has ever been, a distinction that continues to belong to a prior era when the disagreements concerned rather more consequential matters and people occasionally died over them.

Adverse Effects

The following lines of prose cleverly arranged as poetry may induce brief clarity, misplaced certainty, and the sense that something has already been decided without your approval ...

By seventy you know which doors you walked past without opening,
can name the rooms you never entered,
hear the echoes anyway.

Read It All

By seventy you know which doors you walked past without opening,
can name the rooms you never entered,
hear the echoes anyway.

The years do not accuse.
They simply pile up like newspapers you meant to read,
each one carrying news that is no longer news.

You think: I should have said that differently.
I should have stayed. I should have gone.
The mind is efficient this way,
filing the same cases under the same wrong headings,
finding them again at 3 a.m. in perfect order.

What surprises is not the weight of it
but the patience —
how regret waits,
how it has nowhere else to be,
how it sits across from you at breakfast
and asks for nothing,
knowing you will offer it everything
on your own.

The body slows.
The catalog does not.
You carry the unlived lives
the way old houses carry
the smell of people who are gone —
not haunting exactly,
just present,
just there,
just refusing
the simple courtesy
of leaving.