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Postcards from The Pug Bus

Lifting a satirical leg on popular culture

Persons in the Ether

Question of the Week

Passion or stability?

MD

Mavis Drouk, emotional escrow officer

Believed to be near Harrisburg, PA

Stability. Passion is what people choose when they still believe a staircase can be made entirely of sparks. Stability may not sing outside your window, but it does remember where the insurance cards are.

RC

Rufus Clenn, freelance thunder consultant

Last reported west of Tulsa, OK

Passion, obviously. Stability is just boredom wearing shoes with arch support. I want life to arrive late, smell faintly of lightning, and explain nothing until several lamps have been broken.

NV

Nora Vell, deputy curator of small regrets

Possibly sheltering in Eugene, OR

Passion is useful for beginnings, stability for the paperwork afterward. I prefer both in moderation, which is another way of saying I would like to be ruined briefly and then driven home safely.

Cosmic whiplash horoscopes illustration, a dizzy figure clinging to a cosmic rollercoaster, zodiac signs spinning overhead like neon warning labels.

The universe calls this ride “personal growth.” You call it whiplash.

Cosmic Whiplash Horoscopes

philmaggitti horoscopes 7 months

Welcome to today’s cosmic whiplash horoscopes, where the stars lure you onto a merry go round with no brass ring but a suspicious rattle. If… Read More

Horoscopes illustration today is that stud muffin cook Guy Fieri.

A face that only a frying pan could love.

Heart Healthy Horoscopes, 09/19

philmaggitti horoscopes 7 months

â™ˆ AriesYour impulsive energy could power a small carnival ride, but in today’s horoscopes it is powering a bad haircut idea. Sit on your hands… Read More

Reduced for quick Sale Horoscopes featuring a surreal carnival in which the moon runs a Tilt-a-Whirl.

Step right up.

Horoscopes Reduced for Quick Sale, 09/18

philmaggitti horoscopes 7 months

â™ˆ AriesYour reduced for quick sale bargain plan today is about as useless as a wet paper bag in a hurricane. Still, you will strut… Read More

In today's horoscopes the illustration shows a "Surreal carnival of zodiac signs performing bizarre acts under neon constellations.

The zodiac reimagined as a cosmic freak show.

Haughty Horoscopes, 09/17

philmaggitti horoscopes 7 months

â™ˆï¸ Aries â˜„ï¸You are convinced the universe owes you an apology. Sadly, the universe is busy ghosting Pluto and will not return your calls. â™‰ï¸… Read More

In this RE revrse horoscopes illustration, we see Oscar Wilde posing in a posh victorian outfit.

Oscar Wilde

☠️ Daily Reverse Horoscopes, 09/16

philmaggitti horoscopes 7 months

Horoscopes are a theater of projection–a cosmic improv troupe, if you will. Daily Reverse Horoscopes flip that script. Personality traits are assigned to constellations and… Read More

Horoscopes from the remainder bin llustration, featuring a starry night sky with glowing zodiac symbols, a large moon, and a dreamlike desert landscape below.

Tonight’s forecast: cosmic embarrassment with a chance of regret.

Horoscopes from the Remainder Bin, 09/15

philmaggitti horoscopes 8 months

Today’s horoscopes from the remainder bin are broadcasting from the edge of cosmic embarrassment. The stars are falling down drunk, belligerent, and handing out bad… Read More

In this horoscopes image, surreal night sky with tipsy planets, a laughing moon, and constellations spelling out “Good Luck With That.”

The stars are throwing a block party.

Harebrained Horoscopes

philmaggitti horoscopes 8 months

Welcome to Harebrained Horoscopes, where the stars are drunk, the planets are on strike, and the moon is texting you at 3 a.m. just to… Read More

Surreal psychedelic horoscope poster with each zodiac sign shown in absurd cartoon style — Aries with a frisbee, Taurus as a lawn chair, Gemini lawyers, a tidepool Pisces, and a dramatic rainbow background.

When the stars stop whispering and start trolling.

Hot Happening Horoscopes, 09/13

philmaggitti horoscopes 8 months

(Sinning the cosmic wheel of nonsense, gathering up the crumbs, and serving with a side of existential dread and zero refunds: in Hot Stuff Horoscopes)… Read More

The Pug Bus Breaking News

The Pug Bus Breaking News requires no email address, no mother's maiden name, no first pet's nickname, and no DNA sample. You simply mash the link below and read.

Deliver It

⚡ Scholars at the Royal Institute for the Advancement of Obvious Things have concluded, after eleven years of exhaustive inquiry, that people who speak at great length in meetings do not thereby become more correct. The findings have been submitted to a committee for review.

⚡ It has been determined by authorities in several jurisdictions that the phrase "I just want to be honest with you" reliably precedes the portion of the conversation one would most prefer not to have. Legislation is pending.

⚡ The Bureau of Perpetual Reassessment has announced that this is not, in fact, the most divided the nation has ever been, a distinction that continues to belong to a prior era when the disagreements concerned rather more consequential matters and people occasionally died over them.

Adverse Effects

The following lines of prose cleverly arranged as poetry may induce brief clarity, misplaced certainty, and the sense that something has already been decided without your approval ...

By seventy you know which doors you walked past without opening,
can name the rooms you never entered,
hear the echoes anyway.

Read It All

By seventy you know which doors you walked past without opening,
can name the rooms you never entered,
hear the echoes anyway.

The years do not accuse.
They simply pile up like newspapers you meant to read,
each one carrying news that is no longer news.

You think: I should have said that differently.
I should have stayed. I should have gone.
The mind is efficient this way,
filing the same cases under the same wrong headings,
finding them again at 3 a.m. in perfect order.

What surprises is not the weight of it
but the patience —
how regret waits,
how it has nowhere else to be,
how it sits across from you at breakfast
and asks for nothing,
knowing you will offer it everything
on your own.

The body slows.
The catalog does not.
You carry the unlived lives
the way old houses carry
the smell of people who are gone —
not haunting exactly,
just present,
just there,
just refusing
the simple courtesy
of leaving.