horoscopes Archives - Page 15 of 23 - Postcards from The Pug Bus

Postcards from The Pug Bus

Lifting a satirical leg on popular culture

Persons in the Ether

Question of the Week

Passion or stability?

MD

Mavis Drouk, emotional escrow officer

Believed to be near Harrisburg, PA

Stability. Passion is what people choose when they still believe a staircase can be made entirely of sparks. Stability may not sing outside your window, but it does remember where the insurance cards are.

RC

Rufus Clenn, freelance thunder consultant

Last reported west of Tulsa, OK

Passion, obviously. Stability is just boredom wearing shoes with arch support. I want life to arrive late, smell faintly of lightning, and explain nothing until several lamps have been broken.

NV

Nora Vell, deputy curator of small regrets

Possibly sheltering in Eugene, OR

Passion is useful for beginnings, stability for the paperwork afterward. I prefer both in moderation, which is another way of saying I would like to be ruined briefly and then driven home safely.

“Horoscopes favorite pitch man, Leo at work.

"The best deal in the Zodiac."

Horoscopes for the SEO in You

philmaggitti horoscopes 8 months

Today’s horoscopes are sending not questions but search terms. The stars have turned into over-caffeinated SEO interns, assigning each zodiac sign a keyword that will… Read More

A clever horoscope candle melting with a sad face on it.

"Clever Horoscope Forecast: 99% Chance of Bad Decisions"

Clever Horoscopes for the Not So Clever, September 1

philmaggitti horoscopes, Lindsay Lohan 8 months

(Let us gather the sacred, clever horoscope lint from the cosmic dryer and interpret it with all the solemnity of a mall psychic holding a… Read More

Your Zodiac Signs as Grammar with Taurus pointing to a black board.

"Diagramming sentences because therapy is too expensive."

Your Grammar Horoscope Signs

philmaggitti horoscopes 8 months

Imagine your zodiac signs as a grammar horoscope–each sign apart of speech, from the impulsive verb to the wistful simile. This horoscope does not just… Read More

A man arguing with a speaker just after reading his horoscope.

"When even your Bluetooth speaker thinks your playlist is a cry for help."

Distressing Fake Horoscopes, August 30

philmaggitti horoscopes 8 months

(Inaccurate but fake horoscopes presented not to guide you but to warn the furniture.) â™ˆ Aries (March 21–April 19) Your confidence is admirable, considering how… Read More

Clever college football horoscopes dartboard

"Who's got the darts?"

🏈 College Football Horoscopes: August 29

philmaggitti football, horoscopes 8 months

(Let’s lace up the cleats and consult the stars–because this season, your fate is wearing shoulder pads and a headset.) â™ˆ Aries (March 21–April 19)… Read More

In horoscopes a clever and handsome young man autographing a banana.

"What do you want it to say?"

Clever and Confounding Horoscopes for August 28

philmaggitti horoscopes 8 months

Welcome to your Clever and Confounding Horoscopes: Where the Stars Are Tripping and the Spellings Are Freelance. If the zodiac signs herein look … off,… Read More

A poster of Mercury in retrograde dancing through an inbox

"It was too full anyway."

Irregular Horoscopes for August 27, 2025

philmaggitti horoscopes 8 months

(Let’s crack open the celestial vending machine and see what expired snacks and irregular horoscopes the cosmos is peddling today.) â™ˆ Aries (Mar 21 –… Read More

Image of Saggitarius

"Bring me the head of St. Paul."

Irregular Insect Horoscopes for August 26, 2025

philmaggitti horoscopes 8 months

ðŸ¦‚ Aries (March 21 – April 19) – The Aggressive Bark Beetle Born to bore–into wood, into conflict, into the heart of the matter. Aries… Read More

The Pug Bus Breaking News

The Pug Bus Breaking News requires no email address, no mother's maiden name, no first pet's nickname, and no DNA sample. You simply mash the link below and read.

Deliver It

⚡ Scholars at the Royal Institute for the Advancement of Obvious Things have concluded, after eleven years of exhaustive inquiry, that people who speak at great length in meetings do not thereby become more correct. The findings have been submitted to a committee for review.

⚡ It has been determined by authorities in several jurisdictions that the phrase "I just want to be honest with you" reliably precedes the portion of the conversation one would most prefer not to have. Legislation is pending.

⚡ The Bureau of Perpetual Reassessment has announced that this is not, in fact, the most divided the nation has ever been, a distinction that continues to belong to a prior era when the disagreements concerned rather more consequential matters and people occasionally died over them.

Adverse Effects

The following lines of prose cleverly arranged as poetry may induce brief clarity, misplaced certainty, and the sense that something has already been decided without your approval ...

By seventy you know which doors you walked past without opening,
can name the rooms you never entered,
hear the echoes anyway.

Read It All

By seventy you know which doors you walked past without opening,
can name the rooms you never entered,
hear the echoes anyway.

The years do not accuse.
They simply pile up like newspapers you meant to read,
each one carrying news that is no longer news.

You think: I should have said that differently.
I should have stayed. I should have gone.
The mind is efficient this way,
filing the same cases under the same wrong headings,
finding them again at 3 a.m. in perfect order.

What surprises is not the weight of it
but the patience —
how regret waits,
how it has nowhere else to be,
how it sits across from you at breakfast
and asks for nothing,
knowing you will offer it everything
on your own.

The body slows.
The catalog does not.
You carry the unlived lives
the way old houses carry
the smell of people who are gone —
not haunting exactly,
just present,
just there,
just refusing
the simple courtesy
of leaving.