Paris Hilton Archives - Page 8 of 8 - Postcards from The Pug Bus

Postcards from The Pug Bus

Lifting a satirical leg on popular culture

Persons in the Ether

Question of the Week

Passion or stability?

MD

Mavis Drouk, emotional escrow officer

Believed to be near Harrisburg, PA

Stability. Passion is what people choose when they still believe a staircase can be made entirely of sparks. Stability may not sing outside your window, but it does remember where the insurance cards are.

RC

Rufus Clenn, freelance thunder consultant

Last reported west of Tulsa, OK

Passion, obviously. Stability is just boredom wearing shoes with arch support. I want life to arrive late, smell faintly of lightning, and explain nothing until several lamps have been broken.

NV

Nora Vell, deputy curator of small regrets

Possibly sheltering in Eugene, OR

Passion is useful for beginnings, stability for the paperwork afterward. I prefer both in moderation, which is another way of saying I would like to be ruined briefly and then driven home safely.

Celebrity Shockers

Colin Farrell Obtains Face-Saving Injunction

Chip Hilton Paris Hilton 21 years

LOS ANGELES – People are beginning to wonder why Colin Farrell is so desperate to prevent his former girlfriend Nicole Narain from releasing the X-rated… Read More

Celebrity Shockers

Sandra Bullock Wedding a Monster Mistake

Chip Hilton Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton 21 years

LAS VEGAS – Oddsmakers have set the over-under figure for the Sandra Bullock-Jesse James marriage at fourteen months, and the early money has been trending… Read More

Celebrity Shockers

Cameron Diaz Accuses Karl Rove of Leaking Photos

philmaggitti Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton 21 years

LOS ANGELES – Cameron Diaz is scheduled to testify in court today that John Rutter, the photographer who snapped S&M photos and video footage of… Read More

Celebrity Shockers

Leonardo DiCaprio Assaulted by Animal Rights Activist

Biff Scuzzy Paris Hilton 21 years

Leonardo DiCaprio was smacked upside the head by a bottle-wielding animal rights activist while leaving a party in the pre-dawn Hollywood hours yesterday. As DiCaprio,… Read More

Celebrity Shockers

Johnny Depp to Read at Hunter S. Thompson Memorial

philmaggitti Paris Hilton 21 years

ASPEN, Colo. — Johnny Depp will read previously unpublished, late-life writings from Hunter S. Thompson at an invitation-only memorial event this summer. Depp will also… Read More

Paris Hilton & Pug Bus Crash the Internet: Two Sites, One Stampede

Chip Hilton Paris Hilton 21 years

Two dangerously popular websites crashed over the past four days after being mobbed by visitors, once again challenging the cherished belief that there is no… Read More

Celebrity Shockers

Britney Spears Board Game from Parker Brothers Hits Stores Tuesday

Chip Hilton Britney Spears, Paris Hilton 21 years

The pop-tornado adventures of Britney Spears have inspired a new board game called Britopoly. Created by Parker Brothers, Britopoly is designed for four players, though… Read More

Celebrity Shockers

Paris Hilton Planning Car Wash Chain

Chip Hilton Paris Hilton 21 years

Paris Hilton, riding the afterburn from her hyper-glossy Carl’s Jr. commercial—an ad best remembered for its slow-motion sudswork and a Bentley that seemed to move… Read More

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The Pug Bus Breaking News

The Pug Bus Breaking News requires no email address, no mother's maiden name, no first pet's nickname, and no DNA sample. You simply mash the link below and read.

Deliver It

⚡ Scholars at the Royal Institute for the Advancement of Obvious Things have concluded, after eleven years of exhaustive inquiry, that people who speak at great length in meetings do not thereby become more correct. The findings have been submitted to a committee for review.

⚡ It has been determined by authorities in several jurisdictions that the phrase "I just want to be honest with you" reliably precedes the portion of the conversation one would most prefer not to have. Legislation is pending.

⚡ The Bureau of Perpetual Reassessment has announced that this is not, in fact, the most divided the nation has ever been, a distinction that continues to belong to a prior era when the disagreements concerned rather more consequential matters and people occasionally died over them.

Adverse Effects

The following lines of prose cleverly arranged as poetry may induce brief clarity, misplaced certainty, and the sense that something has already been decided without your approval ...

By seventy you know which doors you walked past without opening,
can name the rooms you never entered,
hear the echoes anyway.

Read It All

By seventy you know which doors you walked past without opening,
can name the rooms you never entered,
hear the echoes anyway.

The years do not accuse.
They simply pile up like newspapers you meant to read,
each one carrying news that is no longer news.

You think: I should have said that differently.
I should have stayed. I should have gone.
The mind is efficient this way,
filing the same cases under the same wrong headings,
finding them again at 3 a.m. in perfect order.

What surprises is not the weight of it
but the patience —
how regret waits,
how it has nowhere else to be,
how it sits across from you at breakfast
and asks for nothing,
knowing you will offer it everything
on your own.

The body slows.
The catalog does not.
You carry the unlived lives
the way old houses carry
the smell of people who are gone —
not haunting exactly,
just present,
just there,
just refusing
the simple courtesy
of leaving.