Horoscopes Archives - Page 12 of 24 - Postcards from The Pug Bus

Postcards from The Pug Bus

Lifting a satirical leg on popular culture

Persons in the Ether

Question of the Week

Sports car or pick-up truck?

Dale Droot, 58, regional grit consultant

Allegedly parked at 22 Gravel Onion Road, Muncie, IN

Pick-up truck. A sports car says you have unresolved feelings about your hairline. A pick-up says you might help someone move, then mention it for twelve years.

Tessa Clune, 46, fragrance accountability officer

Allegedly reversing carefully at 7 Lilac Spur, Reno, NV

Sports car. I respect a vehicle that announces bad judgment before the driver even opens his mouth. A pick-up truck always looks like it is late to supervise gravel.

Marlene Bix, 69, retired driveway theorist

Allegedly idling at 301 Bent Hydrangea Lane, Utica, NY

Pick-up truck for life, sports car for lunch. One moves mulch, furniture, and shame. The other moves a divorced orthodontist toward a leather jacket he cannot justify.

A Dear John letter from your horoscope is illustrated by a Pop-art cartoon of the Zodiac clerks at a heavenly “Rejections” counter denying mortals their ridiculous super-power requests.

Super power, my ass. Get outta here, ya reject!

Horoscopes

A Dear John Letter from Your Horoscope

philmaggitti horoscopes 8 months

Why the Dear John letter? Because astrology was never meant to be a cosmic suggestion box for your delusions of grandeur. Yet here we are,… Read More

In this raw dogging adventure illustration we see a painterly illustration of synchronized swimmers performing in a courthouse fountain, with dramatic sky and neoclassical architecture. Swimmers wear green suits and caps, raising arms in joyful chaos beneath a central water jet.

Are you sure Esther Williams started this way?

Horoscopes

Horoscopes for Raw Dogging Adventure

philmaggitti horoscopes 8 months

Raw dogging, at its most raw, is the art of facing life without prophylactic–no prep, no plan, no emotional helmet. It is the spiritual cousin… Read More

A cosmic whiplash horoscope illustration of Aquarius caught in a gust of wind, hair sculpted into the shape of the Eiffel Tower as pigeons scatter and a café sign flaps in the breeze.

An unsuspecting Aquarius stands mid-gust, hair whipped straight up and sculpted into the unmistakable silhouette of the Eiffel Tower.

Horoscopes

Today’s Cosmic Whiplash Horoscope Swerves Off the Rails

philmaggitti horoscopes 8 months

Brace yourself for a cosmic whiplash horoscope that predicts lava-lamp sarcasm, heroic karaoke squeaks, and houseplants staging a leafy revolt against your feng shui. â™ˆ… Read More

Weight not to exceed . . .

Horoscopes

Funny Horoscopes: The Zodiac Unplugged

philmaggitti horoscopes 8 months

Funny Horoscopes: The Zodiac Unplugged is the mother of all comic satire. Boundless helpings of absurd wit dished out family style with the good China… Read More

Trust No Fern: Domestic Espionage in the Age of Chlorophyll

Horoscopes

Apocalyptic Horoscopes from the End Times

philmaggitti horoscopes 8 months

Let’s crack open the celestial dumpster and see what the stars coughed up this morning. These Apocalyptic Horoscopes from the End Times are unfiltered transmissions… Read More

Semi-realistic cosmic highway of glowing zodiac wheel with twelve modern vehicles racing under star-lit constellations — hero art for Zodiac Karma Guide 2025.

Horoscopes

Your Zodiac Karma Guide, 2025

philmaggitti horoscopes 8 months

Gemstones and lucky colors may have steered your grandmother’s horoscope, but in 2025 the road to enlightenment runs on four wheels. Your Zodiac Karma Guide… Read More

Proof that destiny hums, steams, and toasts.

Horoscopes

Zodiac Small Appliance Horoscopes

philmaggitti horoscopes 8 months

Many people know that certain gemstones, power phrases, and colors are associated with signs of the zodiac. Only the true stargazer understands, however, the relationships… Read More

Astrological nightmares illustration: a performer abandoned on stage, audience chairs turned away, cat refusing to look.

"I did it my way ..."

Horoscopes

Introducing Astrological Nightmares Day

philmaggitti horoscopes 8 months

Today is Astrological Nightmares Day, a holiday no one asked for but everyone deserves. Forget chasing dreams, today your subconscious drags you through the swamp… Read More

Adverse Effects

The following lines of prose cleverly disguised as poetry may induce brief clarity, misplaced certainty, and the sense that something has already been decided without your approval.

There is a moment, just before sleep,
when the mind loosens its tie
and admits what it spent all day denying.

Read It All

There is a moment, just before sleep,
when the mind loosens its tie
and admits what it spent all day denying.

You remember the thing you said—
not the words,
but the angle of them,
how they leaned slightly wrong
and stayed there.

A life is not ruined in grand gestures.
It goes soft at the edges first.
Corners round off. Standards blur.
You start calling things “fine”
that would have once kept you awake.

Which is the problem.

Because now you do sleep.

Beautifully. Efficiently.
Like someone who has made a series of
very small, very reasonable surrenders
and arranged them into a pillow.