Horoscopes Archives - Page 13 of 24 - Postcards from The Pug Bus

Postcards from The Pug Bus

Lifting a satirical leg on popular culture

Persons in the Ether

Question of the Week

Sports car or pick-up truck?

Dale Droot, 58, regional grit consultant

Allegedly parked at 22 Gravel Onion Road, Muncie, IN

Pick-up truck. A sports car says you have unresolved feelings about your hairline. A pick-up says you might help someone move, then mention it for twelve years.

Tessa Clune, 46, fragrance accountability officer

Allegedly reversing carefully at 7 Lilac Spur, Reno, NV

Sports car. I respect a vehicle that announces bad judgment before the driver even opens his mouth. A pick-up truck always looks like it is late to supervise gravel.

Marlene Bix, 69, retired driveway theorist

Allegedly idling at 301 Bent Hydrangea Lane, Utica, NY

Pick-up truck for life, sports car for lunch. One moves mulch, furniture, and shame. The other moves a divorced orthodontist toward a leather jacket he cannot justify.

Disheveled man in underwear horsing around with his own contradictions, eating cereal from a chipped bowl while staring at silk pajamas on a laptop screen.

"If I had those silk pajamas, my life would finally make sense."

Horoscopes

Horsing Around With Horoscopes

philmaggitti horoscopes 8 months

Welcome to today’s cosmic corral, where the stars are horsing around, less interested in guiding your destiny than in trampling your dreams underfoot. Forget divine… Read More

The key to the cosmos, unlocking doors you never knew the universe kept locked.

Horoscopes

Keyword Horoscopes

philmaggitti horoscopes 8 months

Keywords, for the computer illiterate, are shiny little bait words that websites toss at Google like glitter at a bachelor party. They are meant to… Read More

You lookin' at me?

Horoscopes

Cat Breeds Horoscopes

philmaggitti horoscopes 8 months

Cats, the ultimate solution for people who cannot have pets, are today’s spirit animals. Cat breeds horoscopes feature their own feline counterparts. Brace yourself for… Read More

Horoscopes

Offbeat Zodiac Horoscopes

philmaggitti horoscopes 8 months

Welcome to the carnival of cosmic misfires, otherwise known as Offbeat Zodiac Horoscopes–where your fate tumbles from the heavens like a dropped pizza slice, landing… Read More

The universe calls this ride “personal growth.” You call it whiplash.

Horoscopes

Cosmic Whiplash Horoscopes

philmaggitti horoscopes 8 months

Welcome to today’s cosmic whiplash horoscopes, where the stars lure you onto a merry go round with no brass ring but a suspicious rattle. If… Read More

A face that only a frying pan could love.

Horoscopes

Heart Healthy Horoscopes, 09/19

philmaggitti horoscopes 8 months

â™ˆ AriesYour impulsive energy could power a small carnival ride, but in today’s horoscopes it is powering a bad haircut idea. Sit on your hands… Read More

Step right up.

Horoscopes

Horoscopes Reduced for Quick Sale, 09/18

philmaggitti horoscopes 8 months

â™ˆ AriesYour reduced for quick sale bargain plan today is about as useless as a wet paper bag in a hurricane. Still, you will strut… Read More

The zodiac reimagined as a cosmic freak show.

Horoscopes

Haughty Horoscopes, 09/17

philmaggitti horoscopes 9 months

â™ˆï¸ Aries â˜„ï¸You are convinced the universe owes you an apology. Sadly, the universe is busy ghosting Pluto and will not return your calls. â™‰ï¸… Read More

Adverse Effects

The following lines of prose cleverly disguised as poetry may induce brief clarity, misplaced certainty, and the sense that something has already been decided without your approval.

There is a moment, just before sleep,
when the mind loosens its tie
and admits what it spent all day denying.

Read It All

There is a moment, just before sleep,
when the mind loosens its tie
and admits what it spent all day denying.

You remember the thing you said—
not the words,
but the angle of them,
how they leaned slightly wrong
and stayed there.

A life is not ruined in grand gestures.
It goes soft at the edges first.
Corners round off. Standards blur.
You start calling things “fine”
that would have once kept you awake.

Which is the problem.

Because now you do sleep.

Beautifully. Efficiently.
Like someone who has made a series of
very small, very reasonable surrenders
and arranged them into a pillow.