Horoscopes Archives - Page 14 of 24 - Postcards from The Pug Bus

Postcards from The Pug Bus

Lifting a satirical leg on popular culture

Persons in the Ether

Question of the Week

Sports car or pick-up truck?

Dale Droot, 58, regional grit consultant

Allegedly parked at 22 Gravel Onion Road, Muncie, IN

Pick-up truck. A sports car says you have unresolved feelings about your hairline. A pick-up says you might help someone move, then mention it for twelve years.

Tessa Clune, 46, fragrance accountability officer

Allegedly reversing carefully at 7 Lilac Spur, Reno, NV

Sports car. I respect a vehicle that announces bad judgment before the driver even opens his mouth. A pick-up truck always looks like it is late to supervise gravel.

Marlene Bix, 69, retired driveway theorist

Allegedly idling at 301 Bent Hydrangea Lane, Utica, NY

Pick-up truck for life, sports car for lunch. One moves mulch, furniture, and shame. The other moves a divorced orthodontist toward a leather jacket he cannot justify.

Oscar Wilde

Horoscopes

☠️ Daily Reverse Horoscopes, 09/16

philmaggitti horoscopes 9 months

Horoscopes are a theater of projection–a cosmic improv troupe, if you will. Daily Reverse Horoscopes flip that script. Personality traits are assigned to constellations and… Read More

Tonight’s forecast: cosmic embarrassment with a chance of regret.

Horoscopes

Horoscopes from the Remainder Bin, 09/15

philmaggitti horoscopes 9 months

Today’s horoscopes from the remainder bin are broadcasting from the edge of cosmic embarrassment. The stars are falling down drunk, belligerent, and handing out bad… Read More

The stars are throwing a block party.

Horoscopes

Harebrained Horoscopes

philmaggitti horoscopes 9 months

Welcome to Harebrained Horoscopes, where the stars are drunk, the planets are on strike, and the moon is texting you at 3 a.m. just to… Read More

Surreal psychedelic horoscope poster with each zodiac sign shown in absurd cartoon style — Aries with a frisbee, Taurus as a lawn chair, Gemini lawyers, a tidepool Pisces, and a dramatic rainbow background.

When the stars stop whispering and start trolling.

Horoscopes

Hot Happening Horoscopes, 09/13

philmaggitti horoscopes 9 months

(Sinning the cosmic wheel of nonsense, gathering up the crumbs, and serving with a side of existential dread and zero refunds: in Hot Stuff Horoscopes)… Read More

"Your emotions called shotgun. Mistake."

Horoscopes

Take Away Horoscopes, No Utensils, 09/12

philmaggitti horoscopes 9 months

Welcome to today’s Take Away Horoscopes, where the stars are drunk, the planets are gossiping, and your emotions are riding shotgun, singing off-key. Never let… Read More

"And then you'll never believe ..."

Horoscopes

Hidden Meanings in Today’s Horoscopes, 09/11

philmaggitti horoscopes 9 months

â™ˆ Aries The stars have misplaced your common sense behind a vending machine filled with mixed metaphors. In today’s horoscopes you will be inspired to… Read More

The shadow knows.

Horoscopes

Dystopian and Dynamic Horoscopes

philmaggitti horoscopes 9 months

(Horoscopes transmitted via the Orbital Bureau of Predictive Malaise) â™ðŸª VIRGO Your biometric signature is trending. Unfortunately, in today’s dynamic horoscopes it is trending in… Read More

When the ocean calls but your plumbing answers first — Cancer season is nothing if not dramatic.

Horoscopes

Horoscopes for Hipsters

philmaggitti horoscopes 9 months

Today’s horoscopes for hipsters are less “celestial wisdom” and more “cosmic prank call.” The stars are drunk, the moon is off its meds, and every… Read More

Adverse Effects

The following lines of prose cleverly disguised as poetry may induce brief clarity, misplaced certainty, and the sense that something has already been decided without your approval.

There is a moment, just before sleep,
when the mind loosens its tie
and admits what it spent all day denying.

Read It All

There is a moment, just before sleep,
when the mind loosens its tie
and admits what it spent all day denying.

You remember the thing you said—
not the words,
but the angle of them,
how they leaned slightly wrong
and stayed there.

A life is not ruined in grand gestures.
It goes soft at the edges first.
Corners round off. Standards blur.
You start calling things “fine”
that would have once kept you awake.

Which is the problem.

Because now you do sleep.

Beautifully. Efficiently.
Like someone who has made a series of
very small, very reasonable surrenders
and arranged them into a pillow.