postcards from the pug bus

postcards from the pug bus

lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004

. . . . . Only Jesus pardons more than Joe Biden . . . . . "The truth is hate to those who hate the truth." (Stormfront) . . . . . too many presenters on YouTube have faces made for radio . . . . . "Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.” (Eleanor Roosevelt) . . . . . a level playing field lifts no boats . . . . . the best arguments against reincarnation are first grade and first wives . . . . . familiarity breeds . . . . . whether you think you can or you can't, you're right . . . . . song stuck in local man's head wants out . . . . . the unexamined life is not worth examining . . . . . well begun is, well, begun . . . . . if it's statistically impossible, it's impossible . . . . . no one gives a shit about your pronouns . . . . . as one gets old, old times' sake is the only sake left . . . . . less is more only if more is out to lunch . . . . .
Celebrities

Jennifer Lopez Will Appear Naked in PETA Parody

Chip Hilton 428 Views 3 min read

LOS ANGELES – Jennifer Lopez claims she is tired of being stalked by “animal rights whack jobs at PETA” (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals). The star of song, screen, and fashion told reporters yesterday that she has agreed to appear naked in a pro-fur ad sponsored by the Fur Education Council of America Read More

Celebrities

Paris Hilton Bilked by Nigerian Internet Scam

T.J. Eckleburg 429 Views 3 min read

HOLLYWOOD – Celebutant Paris Hilton has appeared before a grand jury again, this time to testify that she was bilked by a man calling himself Howgul Abul Arhu, who claimed to be an accountant with the Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation. On Friday Ms. Hilton told a Los Angeles grand jury that even though she seldom Read More

Celebrities

Jessica Simpson’s Chateau Marmont Adventure

philmaggitti 431 Views 2 min read

HOLLYWOOD – Jessica Simpson spent Tuesday night at Hollywood’s storied Chateau Marmont, “the place where things happen.” Photos taken of Ms. Simpson as she entered the infamous hideaway in the evening and as she left the following morning suggest that something did indeed happen in the meantime. The question is what, and it begs several questions Read More

Celebrities

Tom Cruise Nixes Katie Holmes Sex Scene

philmaggitti 481 Views 2 min read

PARK CITY, Utah – Tom Cruise put the scissors down on his fiance Katie Holmes’ steamy sex scene in Jason Reitman’s Thank You for Smoking, a political comedy screened before a packed house at the Sundance Film Festival last Saturday. Most of the standing-room-only audience was there to see the virginal Holmes wearing nothing but a Read More

Religion

Jesus Distraught over Book of Daniel Cancellation

Biff Scuzzy 488 Views 3 min read

HEAVEN – Those who know him say Jesus Christ is distraught over the cancellation of NBC’s controversial religious drama The Book of Daniel, which was pulled after four of its scheduled eight episodes had been aired. “He hasn’t been this upset since he drove the money changers from the temple,” said Jesus’ close friend the Holy Read More

Celebrities

Mrs. Coffee Files for Divorce, Names Jennifer Aniston in Suit

Chip Hilton 415 Views 1 min read

NEW YORK – Former Friends star Jennifer Aniston was named as “the principal contributing factor” in a divorce suit filed by Mrs. Coffee, wife of the popular coffee-making icon. The Coffees’ were married in 1973, the year Mr. Coffee skyrocketed to fame in the United States. Their marriage survived other disturbances, most notably Mr. Coffee’s flirtation with Read More

Celebrities

Britney Spears Has Breakdown, Exclusive Photos

Chip Hilton 431 Views 2 min read

MALIBU – After months of speculation, fat jokes, separation rumors, and bad hair days, pop star Britney Spears finally broke down yesterday. Friends and famliy members say it’s a wonder she didn’t break down sooner. “She’s been driving herself too hard, trying to be mother, bread winner, and baby-sitter to her two children,” said one Read More

Politics

President Bush Uses Paparazzi for Domestic Spying

philmaggitti 457 Views 3 min read

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Nearly one out of three respondents to the latest Postcards from the Pug Bus poll believe members of the paparazzi are engaged in domestic spying for President Bush. The poll, conducted between January 11 and 21, has a 3 percent margin of error. The percentage of respondents who believed the paparazzi Read More

Celebrities

Paris Hilton Denies Drunken Urination Charge

Chip Hilton 435 Views 2 min read

HOLLYWOOD – Spokespersons for Paris Hilton claim that the controversial celebutant will be “wholly and entirely exonerated” of allegations that she was drunk when she urinated in a taxi cab during a recent vacation on Maui. According to Ms. Hilton’s publicists, the towel a cab driver says he used to clean up after Ms. Hilton Read More

Religion

God Accepts Mayor Ray Nagin’s Apology

philmaggitti 443 Views 3 min read

NEW ORLEANS – New Orleans mayor, Ray Nagin, assured the people of the United States that God had accepted his apology. Mayor Nagin, the latest in a long line of political and religious figures who purport to know the mind of the Almighty, announced yesterday that God not only was not mad at the American Read More

Sporting Life

Michelle Wie Scores Moral Victory over Self

philmaggitti 435 Views 2 min read

HAWAII – Golfing sensation Michelle Wie, 16, added to her string of moral victories yesterday when she shot a sixty-eight in the second round of the Sony Open here and failed once again in her quest to make the cut at a men’s event. Wie’s score, which obliterated her first round score of seventy-nine, was Read More

Celebrities

Angelina Jolie Confirms Adopt-a-Highway Program

philmaggitti 430 Views 2 min read

MALIBU, Calif. – Angelina Jolie is expected to confirm the arrival of her long rumored adopt-a-highway program today. The civic-minded actress said in a press release that the program is an attempt to “transcend the limitations of time and space” that constrain traditional adoptions, which are normally confined to children and animals. “Although I still Read More

Celebrities

Colin Farrell Censored Website Photo, Exclusive

Chip Hilton 402 Views 3 min read

LOS ANGELES – Colin Farrell’s latest attempt to stop the world from seeing the sex video he made with his former girlfriend Nicole Narain two years ago has people wondering what he’s trying to hide. Last summer Farrell obtained a court order preventing Narain from selling the video. Nevertheless copies of the video were offered Read More