🔮 One-dimensional Horoscopes for August 8, 2025
(Dictated horoscopes by an unreliable oracle who may or may not be powered by expired batteries and Mercury in cowboy drag. Time is a flat… Read More
Lifting a satirical leg on pop culture since 2004
(Dictated horoscopes by an unreliable oracle who may or may not be powered by expired batteries and Mercury in cowboy drag. Time is a flat… Read More
(Conducted by The Pug Bus, America’s Premier Source for News That Shouldn’t Be True) We are in a decommissioned airplane hangar in the mountains outside… Read More
“Strong. Secure. Immediately forgotten.” This frazzled holiday was born in 1997, when IT help desk technician Gerald Bunt of Richmond, Virginia, accidentally deleted an entire… Read More
In a culture starved of significance and drunk on seasonal syrups, there arises a sacred arena–half marketplace, half monastery–where one’s very choice of milk becomes… Read More
Ophiuchus (Nov 31 – Feb 30) The thirteenth sign of the Zodiac. The cosmic asterisk. The footnote with delusions of grandeur.
(“The stars incline, but with a little one-upmanship, you may bludgeon them into submission.” —Aquinas, or possibly Reginald at the Club) ♌ Leo (July 23… Read More
There exists a peculiar branch of Lifemanship–little studied, rarely mastered–known as Kingslymanship: the lifelong game of appearing equal to the grandeur of one’s own first… Read More
Leo (7/23 “‘ 8/22):The goddess Maytag, in harmonic convergence with the House of Proctor and Gamble, has designated the crock pot as your ruling symbol.… Read More
“It looked fine until it exploded.” The roots of Book of Daze Microwave Regret Day can be traced to 2003, when sophomore Renée “Hot Pocket”… Read More