Britney Spears Archives - Page 10 of 13 - Postcards from The Pug Bus

Postcards from The Pug Bus

Lifting a satirical leg on popular culture

Persons in the Ether

Question of the Week

Passion or stability?

MD

Mavis Drouk, emotional escrow officer

Believed to be near Harrisburg, PA

Stability. Passion is what people choose when they still believe a staircase can be made entirely of sparks. Stability may not sing outside your window, but it does remember where the insurance cards are.

RC

Rufus Clenn, freelance thunder consultant

Last reported west of Tulsa, OK

Passion, obviously. Stability is just boredom wearing shoes with arch support. I want life to arrive late, smell faintly of lightning, and explain nothing until several lamps have been broken.

NV

Nora Vell, deputy curator of small regrets

Possibly sheltering in Eugene, OR

Passion is useful for beginnings, stability for the paperwork afterward. I prefer both in moderation, which is another way of saying I would like to be ruined briefly and then driven home safely.

Celebrity Shockers

Tom Cruise, Brokeback Mountain, Britney Spears Make Statements

Biff Scuzzy Britney Spears, celebrity shockers, Tom Cruise 20 years

HOLLYWOOD – Tom Cruise, Brokeback Mountain, and Britney Spears all made statements yesterday. We thought you’d like to know, and even if you pretend you… Read More

Celebrity Shockers

Britney Spears on Hawaii, Orlando Bloom on Crack

Biff Scuzzy Britney Spears 20 years

MAUI – Britney Spears is quickly learning to appreciate the culture and customs of Hawaii, as the accompanying image shows. In that image Ms. Spears,… Read More

Kevin Federline’s PopoZao Surprisingly Not Bad

Chip Hilton Britney Spears 20 years

(Two Stars Out of Four, Explicit Lyrics) As rap songs go, Kevin Federline’s “PopoZao,” the first single off his Straight Outta Malibu CD that will drop in… Read More

Celebrity Shockers

Britney Spears Obsessed with Princess Diana

philmaggitti Britney Spears 20 years

HOLLYWOOD – Britney Spears’ obsession with the late Princess Diana, which has worried the singer’s friends for some time, became public knowledge last week when… Read More

Pug Bus Pop Quiz

Britney Spears Driver Safety Quiz

Chip Hilton Britney Spears 20 years

HOLLYWOOD – Britney Spears responded angrily to “all y’all out there who falsely accused me of being irresponsible for not wearing a seat belt when… Read More

Celebrity Shockers

Britney Spears Has Breakdown, Exclusive Photos

Chip Hilton Britney Spears 20 years

After months of speculation, fat jokes, separation rumors, and bad hair days, pop star Britney Spears finally broke down yesterday. Friends and family members say… Read More

Celebrity Shockers

Angelina Jolie Revelation Tops New Year Predictions

Chip Hilton Britney Spears, Paris Hilton 20 years

Angelina Jolie’s shocking admission that Robert DeNiro is the biological father of her “adopted” son, Maddox, tops the First Annual Pug Bus New Year Predictions.… Read More

Mariah Carey to Tom Cruise, 2005 Bytes

philmaggitti Britney Spears, celebrity shockers, Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, Tom Cruise 20 years

Not for nothing did Marah release an album this year entitled If You Didn’t Laugh, You’d Cry. It was that kind of year, people, a… Read More

The Pug Bus Breaking News

The Pug Bus Breaking News requires no email address, no mother's maiden name, no first pet's nickname, and no DNA sample. You simply mash the link below and read.

Deliver It

⚡ Scholars at the Royal Institute for the Advancement of Obvious Things have concluded, after eleven years of exhaustive inquiry, that people who speak at great length in meetings do not thereby become more correct. The findings have been submitted to a committee for review.

⚡ It has been determined by authorities in several jurisdictions that the phrase "I just want to be honest with you" reliably precedes the portion of the conversation one would most prefer not to have. Legislation is pending.

⚡ The Bureau of Perpetual Reassessment has announced that this is not, in fact, the most divided the nation has ever been, a distinction that continues to belong to a prior era when the disagreements concerned rather more consequential matters and people occasionally died over them.

Adverse Effects

The following lines of prose cleverly arranged as poetry may induce brief clarity, misplaced certainty, and the sense that something has already been decided without your approval ...

By seventy you know which doors you walked past without opening,
can name the rooms you never entered,
hear the echoes anyway.

Read It All

By seventy you know which doors you walked past without opening,
can name the rooms you never entered,
hear the echoes anyway.

The years do not accuse.
They simply pile up like newspapers you meant to read,
each one carrying news that is no longer news.

You think: I should have said that differently.
I should have stayed. I should have gone.
The mind is efficient this way,
filing the same cases under the same wrong headings,
finding them again at 3 a.m. in perfect order.

What surprises is not the weight of it
but the patience —
how regret waits,
how it has nowhere else to be,
how it sits across from you at breakfast
and asks for nothing,
knowing you will offer it everything
on your own.

The body slows.
The catalog does not.
You carry the unlived lives
the way old houses carry
the smell of people who are gone —
not haunting exactly,
just present,
just there,
just refusing
the simple courtesy
of leaving.