religion Archives - Page 2 of 9 - Postcards from The Pug Bus

Postcards from The Pug Bus

Lifting a satirical leg on popular culture

Persons in the Ether

Question of the Week

Passion or stability?

MD

Mavis Drouk, emotional escrow officer

Believed to be near Harrisburg, PA

Stability. Passion is what people choose when they still believe a staircase can be made entirely of sparks. Stability may not sing outside your window, but it does remember where the insurance cards are.

RC

Rufus Clenn, freelance thunder consultant

Last reported west of Tulsa, OK

Passion, obviously. Stability is just boredom wearing shoes with arch support. I want life to arrive late, smell faintly of lightning, and explain nothing until several lamps have been broken.

NV

Nora Vell, deputy curator of small regrets

Possibly sheltering in Eugene, OR

Passion is useful for beginnings, stability for the paperwork afterward. I prefer both in moderation, which is another way of saying I would like to be ruined briefly and then driven home safely.

image of Jesus hanging on the cross

"I can see Jerusalem from here."

Jesus Puts the Population of Heaven at About 150

philmaggitti religion 3 years

The civilized world was staggered yesterday by Jesus’ off-hand remark that there are roughly 150 people in heaven. That’s 1-to-the-5-plus-0 people. Period. Fewer people than… Read More

Saint Dymphna Patron Saint of Home Schooling and West Virginia

philmaggitti religion 3 years

WEST CHESTER, Pa.–Imagine you are a fourteen-year-old girl and you discover that your father wants to hook up with you because you resemble your late… Read More

Did God Write Other Books Besides The Bible?

philmaggitti religion 4 years

WEST CHESTER, Pa.–Like J.K. Rowling, who has not stopped writing since finishing the Harry Potter series, God may not have stopped writing after finishing The Bible,… Read More

St. Theneva, Patron Saint of Breast Reductions

philmaggitti religion 5 years

The following iece is religious satire; no saints, bridges, or bosoms were harmed in the making of this miracle. St. Theneva, Patron Saint of Breast… Read More

Illustration of a man in a red jacket with sunglasses and a pen.

Serving shorthand looks before it was cool.

OMG There’s a Patron Saint of Shorthand ISYN

philmaggitti religion 7 years

If you’re STD (sick to death) of people who splatter their “writing” with SFS (stupid flipping shorthand), you can thank Saint Cassian of Imola, the… Read More

Religion Sporting Life

God Drops Carson Wentz from Fantasy Team

philmaggitti football, religion 7 years

WILMINGTON, De.–The Lord God Almighty is more than a little miffed by Carson Wentz’ three-pick performance in the Eagles 48-7 loss to the New Orleans… Read More

God Throws Shade on Rainbow Bridge Myth

philmaggitti dog, religion, trump 9 years

HEAVEN – Pet owners took one in the shorts today when The Lord God Almighty issued a press release in which He questioned the existence… Read More

Culture Religion

Facebook Presents the Twelve Genders of Christmas

philmaggitti religion 9 years

Facebook is a festering boil on the right (butt) cheek of humanity, largely because Facebook co-founder Mark Zuckerberg is a sushi-loving disco boy who squats… Read More

The Pug Bus Breaking News

The Pug Bus Breaking News requires no email address, no mother's maiden name, no first pet's nickname, and no DNA sample. You simply mash the link below and read.

Deliver It

⚡ Scholars at the Royal Institute for the Advancement of Obvious Things have concluded, after eleven years of exhaustive inquiry, that people who speak at great length in meetings do not thereby become more correct. The findings have been submitted to a committee for review.

⚡ It has been determined by authorities in several jurisdictions that the phrase "I just want to be honest with you" reliably precedes the portion of the conversation one would most prefer not to have. Legislation is pending.

⚡ The Bureau of Perpetual Reassessment has announced that this is not, in fact, the most divided the nation has ever been, a distinction that continues to belong to a prior era when the disagreements concerned rather more consequential matters and people occasionally died over them.

Adverse Effects

The following lines of prose cleverly arranged as poetry may induce brief clarity, misplaced certainty, and the sense that something has already been decided without your approval ...

By seventy you know which doors you walked past without opening,
can name the rooms you never entered,
hear the echoes anyway.

Read It All

By seventy you know which doors you walked past without opening,
can name the rooms you never entered,
hear the echoes anyway.

The years do not accuse.
They simply pile up like newspapers you meant to read,
each one carrying news that is no longer news.

You think: I should have said that differently.
I should have stayed. I should have gone.
The mind is efficient this way,
filing the same cases under the same wrong headings,
finding them again at 3 a.m. in perfect order.

What surprises is not the weight of it
but the patience —
how regret waits,
how it has nowhere else to be,
how it sits across from you at breakfast
and asks for nothing,
knowing you will offer it everything
on your own.

The body slows.
The catalog does not.
You carry the unlived lives
the way old houses carry
the smell of people who are gone —
not haunting exactly,
just present,
just there,
just refusing
the simple courtesy
of leaving.