Facebook Presents the Twelve Genders of Christmas
Facebook is a festering boil on the right (butt) cheek of humanity, largely because Facebook co-founder Mark Zuckerberg is a sushi-loving disco boy who squats… Read More
religion
God Says He Never Saw This Election Coming
The Lord God Almighty—King of Kings, Giver of All Gifts, Father of All Fathers, and Keeper of the Most Holy Restroom Key—admitted today that he… Read More
The Nativity Story Is a Pious, Stinking, Goddamn Fraud
Many Christians, especially those who think it their constitutional right to set up a stlly crèche on the courthouse lawn once a year, believe that… Read More
Fabian, Patron Saint of Dove Fanciers
WEST GOSHEN, Pa.—Fabian d’Fabiano, whose name literally means “Fabian, Son of the Son of Fabian,“ was a poor excuse for an olive farmer, who lived… Read More
Yesterday’s Saint, Pope Callistus I, The Tell-All Biography
Suppose that Mitt Romney, after losing the 2012 Presidential Election to Barack Obama, somehow manipulated his way into writing not only the official biography of… Read More
What Did Pope Francis Know and When Did He Know I
WASHINGTON, D.C.—Since finding out last week that Pope Francis, “the cool pope,” had met secretly with Kim Davis in Washington, D.C., on September 24, a… Read More
If your mother will not tell you that your hydration levels are a failure, these high-definition toilet cams certainly will.
When Francis Met Kim
WASHINGTON, D.C.—His Supreme Excellency Pope Francis—in addition to meeting with the Harlem Globe Trotters, Vice-President “Meadowlark” Biden (who presented him with a photo of Mr.… Read More
Celebrate Flip Off the CCTV Day with our comprehensive guide to saluting the CCTV spies in your neighborhood.
Andre Bissette, the Patron Saint of Viagra
The Catholic Church “teaches” that god calls each one of us to be a saint. Most people treat such invitations as crank calls, but your… Read More