Chip Hilton, Author at Postcards from The Pug Bus - Page 9 of 27

Postcards from The Pug Bus

Lifting a satirical leg on popular culture

Persons in the Ether

Question of the Week

Passion or stability?

MD

Mavis Drouk, emotional escrow officer

Believed to be near Harrisburg, PA

Stability. Passion is what people choose when they still believe a staircase can be made entirely of sparks. Stability may not sing outside your window, but it does remember where the insurance cards are.

RC

Rufus Clenn, freelance thunder consultant

Last reported west of Tulsa, OK

Passion, obviously. Stability is just boredom wearing shoes with arch support. I want life to arrive late, smell faintly of lightning, and explain nothing until several lamps have been broken.

NV

Nora Vell, deputy curator of small regrets

Possibly sheltering in Eugene, OR

Passion is useful for beginnings, stability for the paperwork afterward. I prefer both in moderation, which is another way of saying I would like to be ruined briefly and then driven home safely.

Celebrity Shockers

Britney Spears News Blackout Urged by Satire Website

Chip Hilton Britney Spears 19 years

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Postcards from the Pug Bus, southeastern Pennsylvania’s leading celebrity satire website, has called for a Britney Spears news blackout. Site founder… Read More

Tony Soprano Sighting Reported in New Jersey

Chip Hilton 19 years

NEWARK, N.J. – Tony Soprano was sighted late Tuesday night leaving Satin Dolls, the gentlemen’s club on Route 17 in Lodi, New Jersey, where scenes… Read More

Celebrity Shockers

Antonella Barba Enters Rehab

Chip Hilton rehab 19 years

WARMINSTER, Penna. – After being sent down by American Idol voters last night, Antonella Barba announced through her publicist that she would enter the Bucks County Hospital… Read More

Angelina Jolie to Replace Paul Wolfowitz at World Bank

Chip Hilton 19 years

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Angelina Jolie has been tapped to replace Paul Wolfowitz as president of the World Bank. President Bush is expected to delay making… Read More

Paris Hilton Exclusive Jail Sentence Interview

Chip Hilton Britney Spears, Paris Hilton 19 years

LOS ANGELES – Paris Hilton has been sentenced to forty-five days in a county jail for violating the terms of her drunk-driving probation by operating… Read More

Nicole Kidman Outfits Keith Urban with Alcohol Monitor

Chip Hilton Keith Urban 19 years

NASHVILLE, Tenn. – Nicole Kidman has fitted her alcoholic husband Keith Urban with a microchip, hoping to accomplish with technology what she couldn’t accomplish with… Read More

Celebrity Shockers Sporting Life

Lindsay Lohan Falls in NFL Draft

Chip Hilton Lindsay Lohan 19 years

NEW YORK – Lindsay Lohan, once considered the potential number one pick in this year’s NFL draft, lingered on the board yesterday like a dingleberry… Read More

Rosie O’Donnell Replaced by Don Imus on The View

Chip Hilton trump 19 years

NEW YORK – Rosie O’Donnell is giving her seat on The View to Don Imus as of June 1, a source close to the show said this… Read More

The Pug Bus Breaking News

The Pug Bus Breaking News requires no email address, no mother's maiden name, no first pet's nickname, and no DNA sample. You simply mash the link below and read.

Deliver It

⚡ Scholars at the Royal Institute for the Advancement of Obvious Things have concluded, after eleven years of exhaustive inquiry, that people who speak at great length in meetings do not thereby become more correct. The findings have been submitted to a committee for review.

⚡ It has been determined by authorities in several jurisdictions that the phrase "I just want to be honest with you" reliably precedes the portion of the conversation one would most prefer not to have. Legislation is pending.

⚡ The Bureau of Perpetual Reassessment has announced that this is not, in fact, the most divided the nation has ever been, a distinction that continues to belong to a prior era when the disagreements concerned rather more consequential matters and people occasionally died over them.

Adverse Effects

The following lines of prose cleverly arranged as poetry may induce brief clarity, misplaced certainty, and the sense that something has already been decided without your approval ...

By seventy you know which doors you walked past without opening,
can name the rooms you never entered,
hear the echoes anyway.

Read It All

By seventy you know which doors you walked past without opening,
can name the rooms you never entered,
hear the echoes anyway.

The years do not accuse.
They simply pile up like newspapers you meant to read,
each one carrying news that is no longer news.

You think: I should have said that differently.
I should have stayed. I should have gone.
The mind is efficient this way,
filing the same cases under the same wrong headings,
finding them again at 3 a.m. in perfect order.

What surprises is not the weight of it
but the patience —
how regret waits,
how it has nowhere else to be,
how it sits across from you at breakfast
and asks for nothing,
knowing you will offer it everything
on your own.

The body slows.
The catalog does not.
You carry the unlived lives
the way old houses carry
the smell of people who are gone —
not haunting exactly,
just present,
just there,
just refusing
the simple courtesy
of leaving.