Celebrity Shockers | Outrageous Celebrity Moments, Arrests & Meltdowns

Postcards from The Pug Bus

Lifting a satirical leg on popular culture

Persons in the Ether

Question of the Week

Passion or stability?

Mavis Drouk, emotional escrow officer

Believed to be near Harrisburg, PA

Stability. Passion is what people choose when they still believe a staircase can be made entirely of sparks. Stability may not sing outside your window, but it does remember where the insurance cards are.

Rufus Clenn, freelance thunder consultant

Last reported west of Tulsa, OK

Passion, obviously. Stability is just boredom wearing shoes with arch support. I want life to arrive late, smell faintly of lightning, and explain nothing until several lamps have been broken.

Nora Vell, deputy curator of small regrets

Possibly sheltering in Eugene, OR

Passion is useful for beginnings, stability for the paperwork afterward. I prefer both in moderation, which is another way of saying I would like to be ruined briefly and then driven home safely.

Celebrity Shockers

Britney Spears New Son Revives Spay Campaign

Biff Scuzzy Britney Spears 20 years

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – The campaign to spay Britney Spears, launched in May by Postcards from the Pug Bus, southeastern Pennsylvania’s leading celebrity satire website,… Read More

Celebrity Shockers

Suri Cruise Photos Expected to Fuel Stock Market Rally

T.J. Eckleburg celebrity shockers, Tom Cruise 20 years

The publication of the first pictures of Suri Cruise should drive many stock prices higher, financial analysts predict. The long-anticipated images, featured in an exclusive… Read More

Celebrity Shockers

Tom Cruise Issues Apology Tour; Mileage May Vary

Chip Hilton celebrity shockers, Tom Cruise 20 years

LOS ANGELES — Tom Cruise reportedly began what insiders are calling his “Multi-City Apology Awareness Outreach Tour” by visiting Brooke Shields at her home last… Read More

Celebrity Shockers

Photog Drops Suit against Jennifer Aniston over Topless Shots

Biff Scuzzy 20 years

LOS ANGELES – The photographer who filed suit against Jennifer Aniston last December for “wantonly exposing her breasts” in her backyard, thereby interfering with his… Read More

Celebrity Shockers

Tom Cruise Demoted to Dwarf Object Status by IAU

philmaggitti celebrity shockers, Tom Cruise 20 years

PRAGUE – The International Astronomical Union (IAU) adopted a resolution Thursday that effectively strips Tom Cruise of his status as a Hollywood planet. The controversial… Read More

Celebrity Shockers

Tom Cruise Dumped by Paramount Because of Annoying Laugh

Chip Hilton celebrity shockers, Lindsay Lohan, Tom Cruise 20 years

LOS ANGELES — Hollywood experienced a measurable shift in the Earth’s crust this week when Paramount Pictures announced it was ending its long-running partnership with… Read More

Celebrity Shockers

Lindsay Lohan Aims to Support U.S. Troops in Iraq

Chip Hilton Lindsay Lohan 20 years

HOLLYWOOD – Lindsay Lohan told Elle magazine that she wants to follow in the footsteps of her idol, Marilyn Monroe, by “entertaining our brave fighting men one… Read More

Celebrity Shockers

Britney Spears Still Believes Iraq Had WMDs

philmaggitti Britney Spears 20 years

MALIBU – Count Britney Spears among the growing number of Americans who believe Saddam Hussein possessed weapons of mass destruction as recently as 2003. According… Read More

The Pug Bus Breaking News

The Pug Bus Breaking News requires no email address, no mother's maiden name, no first pet's nickname, and no DNA sample. You simply mash the link below and read.

Deliver It

⚡ Scholars at the Royal Institute for the Advancement of Obvious Things have concluded, after eleven years of exhaustive inquiry, that people who speak at great length in meetings do not thereby become more correct. The findings have been submitted to a committee for review.

⚡ It has been determined by authorities in several jurisdictions that the phrase "I just want to be honest with you" reliably precedes the portion of the conversation one would most prefer not to have. Legislation is pending.

⚡ The Bureau of Perpetual Reassessment has announced that this is not, in fact, the most divided the nation has ever been, a distinction that continues to belong to a prior era when the disagreements concerned rather more consequential matters and people occasionally died over them.

Adverse Effects

The following lines of prose cleverly arranged as poetry may induce brief clarity, misplaced certainty, and the sense that something has already been decided without your approval ...

By seventy you know which doors you walked past without opening,
can name the rooms you never entered,
hear the echoes anyway.

Read It All

By seventy you know which doors you walked past without opening,
can name the rooms you never entered,
hear the echoes anyway.

The years do not accuse.
They simply pile up like newspapers you meant to read,
each one carrying news that is no longer news.

You think: I should have said that differently.
I should have stayed. I should have gone.
The mind is efficient this way,
filing the same cases under the same wrong headings,
finding them again at 3 a.m. in perfect order.

What surprises is not the weight of it
but the patience —
how regret waits,
how it has nowhere else to be,
how it sits across from you at breakfast
and asks for nothing,
knowing you will offer it everything
on your own.

The body slows.
The catalog does not.
You carry the unlived lives
the way old houses carry
the smell of people who are gone —
not haunting exactly,
just present,
just there,
just refusing
the simple courtesy
of leaving.