Biff Scuzzy, Author at Postcards from The Pug Bus

Bad Habits Horoscopes illustration with a guilty dog, spilled coffee, pizza, laptop, zodiac wheel, sun and moon watching from the stars.

The stars have seen everything, and they keep records.

Bad Habits Horoscopes: The Stars Know What You Did

The stars have been aware of your bad habits, but not in any tolerant way. For ages they have observed the little things you assumed… Read More

Elderly man with shoehorn and woman with screwdriver face smart home AI refrigerator lockout displaying equity denial message over frozen lettuce on counter.

Breakfast remains suspended until the occupants formally atone for four hundred years of butter churning.

Technology

Refrigerator Locked Down by Woke Smart Home AI

Biff Scuzzy tech satire 1 month

The new super smart home AI installed in seventy-two-year-old retired linoleum inspector Leonard Prine’s refrigerator had already formed a low opinion of his breakfast. That… Read More

Grocery shopping becomes a competitive sport as shoppers battle self-checkout surveillance, crowded aisles, carts, apps, and baffling product choices daily.

The dairy case remains neutral territory, but nobody expects that to last.

Top Ten Lists

Signs that Grocery Shopping Has Become a Competitive Sport

Biff Scuzzy top ten lists 2 months

Grocery shopping was once a routine errand. People bought milk, bread, eggs, coffee, cereal, toilet paper, a pound of hamburger, something green for appearances, perhaps… Read More

Jelly Roll Plays Jimmy Kimmel as the tattooed country star sits behind a late-night desk wearing a dunce cap and looking thoroughly defeated.

Jelly Roll discovers that a late-night desk comes with a microphone but, tragically, no parole officer.

Dunce Caps

Jelly Roll Plays Jimmy Kimmel and Wins Dunce Cap Award

Biff Scuzzy dunce cap 2 months

Jelly Roll Plays Jimmy Kimmel and wins the Dunce Cap of the Moment Award for his wheezing, misguided performance. The forty-one-year-old country singer, former inmate,… Read More

Steve Ballmer, Clippers Owner, wears an enormous dunce cap courtside as money and draft cards tumble around him and uncomfortable spectators recoil.

Steve Ballmer discovers the only cap he cannot circumvent.

Dunce Caps

Dunce Cap of the Moment to Steve Ballmer, Clippers Owner

Biff Scuzzy dunce cap 2 months

Steve Ballmer, Clippers owner and human fire alarm, is awarded the Dunce Cap of the Moment for deciding the NBA salary cap was merely a… Read More

Your appointment with destiny is running approximately forty-five minutes late.

Horoscopes

Waiting Room Horoscopes: Your Appointment With Destiny

Biff Scuzzy horoscopes 2 months

Waiting Room Horoscopes are designed for rooms where twelve vinyl chairs, four outdated magazines, and one artificial plant are responsible for maintaining public confidence. Please… Read More

The apocalypse has been rescheduled as four bored Horsemen wait outside a convenience store, eating a pretzel and charging a phone.

The Four Horsemen kill time until civilization’s revised departure date.

News

Signs the Apocalypse Has Been Rescheduled

Biff Scuzzy 2 months

For centuries, humanity assumed the apocalypse would arrive as predicted, destroy civilization, and leave the survivors fighting over canned peaches. Increasingly, however, evidence suggests the… Read More

Information age confusion as an office worker searches through computers, folders, files, and devices for information hiding in plain sight.

He knows exactly where the information is. It is somewhere in the information.

Top Ten Lists

Signs the Information Age Has Misplaced the Information

Biff Scuzzy top ten lists 2 months

The information age was supposed to place the accumulated knowledge of civilization at everyone’s fingertips. Instead, much of that information appears to have been put… Read More