Paris Hilton Archives - Page 3 of 8 - Postcards from The Pug Bus

Postcards from The Pug Bus

Lifting a satirical leg on popular culture

Persons in the Ether

Question of the Week

Passion or stability?

MD

Mavis Drouk, emotional escrow officer

Believed to be near Harrisburg, PA

Stability. Passion is what people choose when they still believe a staircase can be made entirely of sparks. Stability may not sing outside your window, but it does remember where the insurance cards are.

RC

Rufus Clenn, freelance thunder consultant

Last reported west of Tulsa, OK

Passion, obviously. Stability is just boredom wearing shoes with arch support. I want life to arrive late, smell faintly of lightning, and explain nothing until several lamps have been broken.

NV

Nora Vell, deputy curator of small regrets

Possibly sheltering in Eugene, OR

Passion is useful for beginnings, stability for the paperwork afterward. I prefer both in moderation, which is another way of saying I would like to be ruined briefly and then driven home safely.

Celebrity Shockers

Britney Spears Tops Paris Hilton, You as Person of the Year

Chip Hilton Britney Spears, Paris Hilton 19 years

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Britney Spears is the Postcards from the Pus Bus 2006 Person of the Year. Ms. Spears captured the title hands down,… Read More

Britney Spears Releases Twelve Days of Christmas CD

philmaggitti Britney Spears, Paris Hilton 19 years

LOS ANGELES – Britney Spears and K-tel Entertainment announced today that Ms. Spears’ Twelve Days of Christmas CD is now available in most national discount store chains.… Read More

Celebrity Shockers

Bono Cancels Clothing Line for the Fashion Impaired

philmaggitti Paris Hilton 19 years

NEW YORK – U2’s lead singer, Bono, perennially one of the worst-dressed white men in the world, has announced the cancellation of the clothing line… Read More

Celebrity Shockers

Nicole Richie Celebrity Death Watch

T.J. Eckleburg celebrity shockers, Paris Hilton 20 years

The pending obituary of actress and author Nicole Richie was updated this week after The Simple Life costar had checked into a treatment facility that specializes in… Read More

Celebrity Shockers

Courtney Love and Chimp Separated by Sliver of DNA

Chip Hilton Paris Hilton 20 years

BOSTON – According to reports published in the current issues of the journals Nature and Science, a new comparison of the genetic blueprints of chimpanzees and humans shows… Read More

Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin Rumors Flood Internet

Biff Scuzzy Paris Hilton 20 years

CAIRNS, Australia – The recent death of Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin has occasioned a flood of rumors the likes of which have not been seen… Read More

Celebrity Shockers

Jessica Simpson Launches Book-of-the-Year Club

Biff Scuzzy Paris Hilton 20 years

LOS ANGELES – Jessica Simpson believes Oprah’s Book Club puts too much pressure on its members. In a recent Maxim interview Ms. Simpson declared, “People who lead… Read More

Celebrity Shockers

Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes Present Baby Suri Hotline

philmaggitti celebrity shockers, Paris Hilton, Tom Cruise 20 years

HOLLYWOOD – Tom Cruise has finally responded to growing speculation that his alleged daughter Suri does not exist. Mr. Cruise announced yesterday through the pubic… Read More

The Pug Bus Breaking News

The Pug Bus Breaking News requires no email address, no mother's maiden name, no first pet's nickname, and no DNA sample. You simply mash the link below and read.

Deliver It

⚡ Scholars at the Royal Institute for the Advancement of Obvious Things have concluded, after eleven years of exhaustive inquiry, that people who speak at great length in meetings do not thereby become more correct. The findings have been submitted to a committee for review.

⚡ It has been determined by authorities in several jurisdictions that the phrase "I just want to be honest with you" reliably precedes the portion of the conversation one would most prefer not to have. Legislation is pending.

⚡ The Bureau of Perpetual Reassessment has announced that this is not, in fact, the most divided the nation has ever been, a distinction that continues to belong to a prior era when the disagreements concerned rather more consequential matters and people occasionally died over them.

Adverse Effects

The following lines of prose cleverly arranged as poetry may induce brief clarity, misplaced certainty, and the sense that something has already been decided without your approval ...

By seventy you know which doors you walked past without opening,
can name the rooms you never entered,
hear the echoes anyway.

Read It All

By seventy you know which doors you walked past without opening,
can name the rooms you never entered,
hear the echoes anyway.

The years do not accuse.
They simply pile up like newspapers you meant to read,
each one carrying news that is no longer news.

You think: I should have said that differently.
I should have stayed. I should have gone.
The mind is efficient this way,
filing the same cases under the same wrong headings,
finding them again at 3 a.m. in perfect order.

What surprises is not the weight of it
but the patience —
how regret waits,
how it has nowhere else to be,
how it sits across from you at breakfast
and asks for nothing,
knowing you will offer it everything
on your own.

The body slows.
The catalog does not.
You carry the unlived lives
the way old houses carry
the smell of people who are gone —
not haunting exactly,
just present,
just there,
just refusing
the simple courtesy
of leaving.