postcards from the pug bus

postcards from the pug bus

lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004

Month: February 2007

Religion

Jesus’ Tomb Proves He Was Not Gay, Says James Cameron

philmaggitti 421 Views 2 min read

NEW YORK – Oscar-winning director James Cameron believes that inscriptions on the tombs of the J.H. Christ family “should settle once and for all” any lingering questions about Jesus’ sexuality. Mr. Cameron is the producer of The Lost Tomb of Jesus, which airs Sunday on the Discovery Channel. He argues that ten small caskets discovered in Read More

Music

Angelina Jolie Accepts Oscar for Klaus Harmony

Chip Hilton 453 Views 3 min read

LOS ANGELES – Angelina Jolie lent a much needed touch of spice to last night’s Oscar awards snooze fest. The thirty-one-year-old Tomb Raider star brought the audience out of its slumber when she appeared late in the proceedings via satellite to accept a lifetime achievement award for Klaus Harmony, the legendary erotic film score composer known as Read More

Celebrities

Britney Spears Quits Rehab, May Flee to Namibia

Chip Hilton 443 Views 3 min read

MALIBU – Britney Spears completed another successful one-day stint in rehab yesterday. After spending a restful night in the Christian Slater suite at Promises-by-the-Sea, chatting with friends on her cell phone and ordering in pizza, the one-time pop star summoned a car service at 8:00 a.m. and headed for the nearest tattoo parlor, apparently forgetting Read More

Culture

Other Numbers Critical of The Number 23

philmaggitti 459 Views 3 min read

NEW YORK – The approaching release of The Number 23, starring Jim Carey and Virginia Madsen, has created a furor in the ranks of the normally staid numerical community. The advance publicity for this brooding psychological thriller, which opens Friday, February 23, figures to turn 23 into a cult phenomenon, and that is sure to dominate Read More

Celebrities

First Anna Nicole Smith Sightings Reported

Biff Scuzzy 455 Views 3 min read

HOLLYWOOD, Fla. – Anna Nicole Smith was spotted by a grieving fan at a local convenience store early this morning. Ms. Smith, who died on February 8 at the Seminole Hard Rock Hotel and Casino in Hollywood, was seen approaching the ATM at the Winn-Dixie store in the Emerald Woods Plaza. “I recognized her as Read More

Celebrities

Anna Nicole Smith Rejected at Heavenly Gate

philmaggitti 477 Views 3 min read

NORTH POLE – An emergency Council of Supreme Beings session determined yesterday that the soul of recently departed celebrity Anna Nicole Smith had failed to qualify for an eternal reward. According to a source present at the meeting, the soul of Ms. Smith, who died last week of a lethal combination of drugs, alcohol, and Read More

Music

Dixie Chicks Sweep Grammies, Ban Country Music Stations

philmaggitti 412 Views 2 min read

LOS ANGELES – After sweeping the top three categories at the 49th annual Grammy Awards last night, the Dixie Chicks announced they would “sue the ass off” any country music radio station that reversed a ban on the Chicks’ music and started playing their songs again. “Those bastards had their chance,” said Chicks’ lead singer, Read More

News

Harvard to Name First Gay Female Impersonator President

philmaggitti 479 Views 2 min read

CAMBRIDGE, Mass. – Harvard is expected to name its first gay female impersonator president today in an historic outreach that MoveOn.org has called “a three bagger for diversity.” Harvard, the nation’s oldest university, has never had a female, much less a gay female impersonator, president in its 371-year history. The appointment of Drew Gilpin Faust Read More

Celebrities

Anna Nicole Smith Dies, O.J. Simpson Plans Book

Chip Hilton 446 Views 3 min read

HOLLYWOOD, Fla. – Anna Nicole Smith was found “unresponsive” by her private nurse in a Florida hotel room on Thursday. The thirty-nine-year-old celebrity was taken to a hospital where she later died. O.J. Simpson does not believe she died of natural or pharmaceutical causes. Mr. Simpson, one of this country’s leading amateur criminologists, told THEM Weekly that Read More

Music

Jessica Simpson Split with Nick Lachey Fueled by Klaus Harmony

Chip Hilton 498 Views 2 min read

NEW YORK – Jessica Simpson told Elle magazine that the music of German composer Klaus Harmony was “the tripping point” in her relationship with her ex-husband Nick Lachey. In an interview that appears in the March issue of Elle, Ms. Simpson said that discovering Mr. Harmony’s music “opened me up to the possibilities of life and allowed me Read More

Celebrities

Ryan O’Neal Attacks Son over Mac Ads

Biff Scuzzy 450 Views 2 min read

MALIBU – Ryan O’Neal allegedly threatened his son, Griffin, 42, following a dispute concerning the ads for Mac computers that portray PC users as hopeless dorks. The elder O’Neal, 65, was subsequently arrested on suspicion of assault and a firearm offense after a long-running family argument over the merits of the Mac versus the PC Read More

Religion

God Scorns Windows Vista, Sues Microsoft

Biff Scuzzy 447 Views 3 min read

HEAVEN – Windows Vista, Microsoft’s controversial new operating system, has incurred the wrath of God. The Supreme Power User, operating through his purchasing agent, the Holy Spirit, was one of the first to buy Vista when it went on sale Tuesday. He paid $299 (US) for the Vista Ultimate upgrade, the most powerful of Vista’s Read More

Celebrities

Will Katie Holmes See Her Thetan on Groundhog Day?

philmaggitti 436 Views 3 min read

BEVERLY HILLS – Tomorrow morning at six o’clock Katie Holmes will emerge from her bunker in Tom Cruise’ mansion in Beverly Hills. Wearing only a full-length body stocking and unaccompanied for the moment by Posh Spice Beckham, she will stand facing east, arms held loosely at her sides, and hold her breath for ten seconds. Read More