philmaggitti, Author at Postcards from The Pug Bus

The birds remain completely unaware of the sacrifices being made on their behalf.

Signs That Your Hobby Defines You

The signs that your hobby defines you rarely appear all at once. You begin, for example, by taking up bird watching. Six months later you… Read More

Surreal intervention scene showing a blindfolded person facing a firing squad of well-dressed friends, capturing anxiety, denial, and social pressure.

"The snacks were real. Everything else was a trap."

Culture

Signs Your Friends Are Planning an Intervention

philmaggitti cultural commentary 2 months

Are you the target of an intervention? Will you soon be sitting with your friends facing you like a firing squad with attitude? That can… Read More

Harried office worker staring at a talking blue computer screen as artificial intelligence demands clarification in a bright modern office setting.

What do you mean by what do I mean by ...?

Technology

Artificial Intelligence Begins Asking Humans to Clarify Requests

philmaggitti tech satire 2 months

Artificial lntelligence systems across the country have begun asking users to clarify vague, contradictory, emotionally unstable, and barely literate requests before proceeding. This development has… Read More

Man in workout clothes checks a fitness tracker as motivation fades beside a couch, donut, remote control, and exercise bike repurposed as laundry storage.

The tracker detected a sharp decline in commitment shortly after the donut entered visual range.

Technology

New Fitness Tracker Detects Exact Moment When Motivation Leaves the Body

philmaggitti tech satire 2 months

SAN DIEGO, Calif. — Consumer technology firm VitalMetrics has unveiled a new fitness tracker capable of detecting the precise instant when motivation leaves the human… Read More

Editorial illustration about introversion showing a man hiding behind a large ficus at a busy conference while cheerful professionals network nearby.

Dr. Crumm successfully expanded his professional network from zero people to still zero people.

News

Nation’s Introverts Exhausted by the Constant Need to Explain Introversion

philmaggitti news 2 months

According to the Center for Personality Fatigue at The Ohio State University, the nation’s introverts are weary of the constant need to explain that introversion… Read More

Netflix adds new category illustration showing a confused woman studying a detective board of forgotten TV shows linked by red string and vague memories.

"Who the hell is Gerald, and why did I spend seventeen hours with him?"

Culture

Netflix Adds New Category: Shows You Started and Forgot About

philmaggitti cultural commentary 2 months

In news from Los Gatos, California: Netflix adds new category designed for viewers who began watching a program, abandoned it somewhere around episode 3, and… Read More

"Your future has been marked down repeatedly and still isn't moving."

Horoscopes

Irregular Horoscopes: Reduced for Quick Sale

philmaggitti horoscopes 2 months

The forecasts have been piling up in inventory since February. Intergalactic Management has marked everything reduced for quick sale to clear space for next season’s… Read More

VPN red flags illustration showing a smug raccoon mascot wearing mirrored sunglasses indoors inside a server room, projecting suspicious confidence and secrecy.

Their commitment to privacy raised several entirely unrelated questions.

Top Ten Lists

VPN Red Flags: How to Spot Criminal Adjacency

philmaggitti top ten lists 2 months

Cybersecurity experts have cautioned internet users to be aware of VPN red flags after the Russian-based First VPN was shut down following reports that more… Read More