philmaggitti, Author at Postcards from The Pug Bus - Page 6 of 155

Postcards from The Pug Bus

Lifting a satirical leg on popular culture

Persons in the Ether

Question of the Week

Passion or stability?

MD

Mavis Drouk, emotional escrow officer

Believed to be near Harrisburg, PA

Stability. Passion is what people choose when they still believe a staircase can be made entirely of sparks. Stability may not sing outside your window, but it does remember where the insurance cards are.

RC

Rufus Clenn, freelance thunder consultant

Last reported west of Tulsa, OK

Passion, obviously. Stability is just boredom wearing shoes with arch support. I want life to arrive late, smell faintly of lightning, and explain nothing until several lamps have been broken.

NV

Nora Vell, deputy curator of small regrets

Possibly sheltering in Eugene, OR

Passion is useful for beginnings, stability for the paperwork afterward. I prefer both in moderation, which is another way of saying I would like to be ruined briefly and then driven home safely.

Group Chat Etiquette" text is surrounded by common chat icons (hearts, thumbs-up, smiles) and cartoon speech bubbles against a solid blue background.

Does this mirror make my gut look big?

What Would Nietzsche Do?

What Would Nietzsche Do? Group Chat Etiquette

philmaggitti nietzsche 1 month

Friedrich closed his eyes and stuck his hand into the mailbag this morning. He pulled out three letters: Group Chat Etiquette, Accidental Kindness, and Gym… Read More

A cartoon illustration from Toni Tennille: A Memoir, depicting Toni in a purple jumpsuit wielding a broom at Daryl Dragon, who is in a captain’s hat, sunglasses, and near a $10,000 silence generator.

Do That to Me One More Time

A Review of Toni Tennille: A Memoir

philmaggitti cultural commentary 1 month

The following review of Toni Tennile: A Memoir is issued from the damp, velvet-lined interior of the Pug Bus, where the windshield wipers are currently… Read More

Federal agent in beige jacket audits woman’s knitting at her door; tangled yarn fades mid-stitch, symbolizing stalled ambition. Unfinished Projects inspection.

Ma’am, we’re going to need to see proof of completion.

The Unfinished Projects Division of the FBI Launches Door‑to‑Door Audit

philmaggitti news 1 month

The Unfinished Projects Division of the FBI initiated its first nationwide door‑to‑door audit this morning. Agents dressed in the bureau’s signature beige windbreakers arrived unannounced… Read More

A postal worker with the recipient’s identical face delivers a blank envelope—visualizing the new class of mail: Unsent Letters.

"We found what you meant to say. It was not flattering.”

USPS Introduces a New Class of Mail: Unsent Letters

philmaggitti news 1 month

The United States Postal Service declared yesterday that it had started to deliver Unsent Letters, a new class of mail reserved for messages people never… Read More

Weight loss horoscopes illustration: cosmic scale balancing zodiac signs with diet foods in space.

You are what you don't eat!

Weight Loss Horoscopes

philmaggitti cultural commentary 1 month

The cosmos has decided that your collective size is too bloated to ignore. In response, it presents the weight loss horoscopes, which put your forecasts… Read More

A stoic guard checks a passport at the pool. Behind the gate, residents hum the new national anthem with the precise level of disapproval mandated by the HOA.

The new national anthem is just a low, rhythmic moan of disappointment.

Local Springfield HOA Votes to Secede

philmaggitti news 1 month

The HOA decision was a shock to residents who thought the group existed to regulate outdoor decorations rather than pursue territorial ambition and a new… Read More

Friedrich Nietzsche sitting at an outdoor cafe with a cup of coffee.

Nietzsche waiting for a blind date.

What Would Nietzsche Do?

What Would Nietzsche Do? Humble Brag Reaction

philmaggitti nietzsche 1 month

Friedrich stuck his hand into the mailbag this morning and pulled out three letters: The Humble Brag Reaction, The Group Text Slow Death, and Shopping… Read More

Cartoon image for Word vs AI showing an angry Word document with a gavel facing a calm AI robot across a split background, posed like a simple showdown scene.

"I've got a few words for you."

Word Sues AIs for Defamation

philmaggitti tech satire 1 month

Finally, Word vs AI in the judicial cage match of the year. The software program has filed suit in Redmond, Washington, alleging ongoing “relentless libel”… Read More

The Pug Bus Breaking News

The Pug Bus Breaking News requires no email address, no mother's maiden name, no first pet's nickname, and no DNA sample. You simply mash the link below and read.

Deliver It

⚡ Scholars at the Royal Institute for the Advancement of Obvious Things have concluded, after eleven years of exhaustive inquiry, that people who speak at great length in meetings do not thereby become more correct. The findings have been submitted to a committee for review.

⚡ It has been determined by authorities in several jurisdictions that the phrase "I just want to be honest with you" reliably precedes the portion of the conversation one would most prefer not to have. Legislation is pending.

⚡ The Bureau of Perpetual Reassessment has announced that this is not, in fact, the most divided the nation has ever been, a distinction that continues to belong to a prior era when the disagreements concerned rather more consequential matters and people occasionally died over them.

Adverse Effects

The following lines of prose cleverly arranged as poetry may induce brief clarity, misplaced certainty, and the sense that something has already been decided without your approval ...

By seventy you know which doors you walked past without opening,
can name the rooms you never entered,
hear the echoes anyway.

Read It All

By seventy you know which doors you walked past without opening,
can name the rooms you never entered,
hear the echoes anyway.

The years do not accuse.
They simply pile up like newspapers you meant to read,
each one carrying news that is no longer news.

You think: I should have said that differently.
I should have stayed. I should have gone.
The mind is efficient this way,
filing the same cases under the same wrong headings,
finding them again at 3 a.m. in perfect order.

What surprises is not the weight of it
but the patience —
how regret waits,
how it has nowhere else to be,
how it sits across from you at breakfast
and asks for nothing,
knowing you will offer it everything
on your own.

The body slows.
The catalog does not.
You carry the unlived lives
the way old houses carry
the smell of people who are gone —
not haunting exactly,
just present,
just there,
just refusing
the simple courtesy
of leaving.